Dim Sum Mum - Tess' Little Pieces

goodbye mila

i didn't have time to post this earlier, but one of our helpers, mila, left our family.

as lovingly and as quietly as she entered our home, mila exited in late july, after cleaning the flat from top to bottom.

why did she leave? no acrimony, no amah drama, rather she has moved to kuwait to be with her husband and her son, who have opened a canteen there. i don't know more details than that. all i know is that for the first time in her married life, she is going to be with her husband.

mila's exit brought back a plethora of memories of mila's earliest days with us. when the babies first came home and mila proved herself to be the true baby whisperer of the family. how she would lay her worn hands on carys' back, and slowly slowly, our colicy baby would stop the anguished crying. how she could judge which swallows meant, "i can take another ounce or two" and which ones meant, "if you give me any more i will vomit." very few babies decorated milas shoulder with "cottage cheese carpet", but the rest of us, less tuned in to baby language, often were surprised when a seemingly innocent cough turned into a white waterfall of milk and parental despair. all we were doing was trying to fatten them up....it was such a victory to get even a few extra millimetres into them...and then despair/self hatred when they vomitted everything up again and we were back at square one again with the added bonus of a sticky floor, carpets and couch.

as time passed and the babies thrived, jasper developed a strong penchant for mila. she was the softest touch and would carry him around most. sela and sebastian were most mila free, seb had his own life and sela is a lita-girl...she loves lita and has laughingly been called, "lita's little shadow". sela is definitely lita's favourite as well.

if de was throwing a ball with jasper, mila would often be with carys and the two of them, walking together or silently sitting holding hands was a common sight. carys was very fond of mila and it was definitely to mila that she would run if she was in trouble, or had hurt herself. mila was very good at soothing. jasper would also run to mila in case of trouble, particularly if he was to blame.

so when mila approached me at the end of june, three days before our departure and told me that she knew it was terrible timing but this great job opportunity had come up for her, i told her if she wanted to take it, she must, and that we would of course write a great reference letter for her.

and she said that she would leave here in mid october.

mid october.

my kids loving her. my kids being away from her all summer, then returning home and being with her for six weeks, then her departing again.

i just didn't see it working.

i told mila that i would rather she left over the summer, that this way was probably easiest on the kids.

the day we left was tough, not just because of the 18 hour flight to canada aspect, but because we had to say goodbye to mila. she was incredibly teary, as was i. i couldn't think of her, i could only think of what she had been to our family. we weren't a family with toddlers again, we were a family with sick infants and a two year old, with her soothing, praying and seeing us through relentless tango. mila. off to kuwait of all places. dependent on her wages on her son. the son that regularly asks her for money. living with the husband frequently would call requesting cash transfers. what can i do. she is a grown woman. i had to say goodbye.

she took many pictures and hugged all the kids tightly. jasper and sela commented "mila crying". we told sebastian mila was leaving and he told her goodbye and said that he loved her. we told him mila was going to live with her son and husband, just like mummy lives with her sons and daddy. seb thought that was great, as things should be.

as i hope things will be.

goodbye mila.

running smelly, late, ugly, wet and well

housekeeping item: joe - i am not able to leave you comments on your blog. any hints or does your blog hate typepad people??? i get plenty of bubbles but that's about it.

today magnificent and i went for a run at 6.45, just as the kids were emerging from their room. they were much amused to see us in our running togs, and i was hoping the sight of mummy and daddy being sporty would be a lasting memory. they would tell their kids, "ah yes, mummy and daddy taught us about fitness...."

instead of staring at us and fixing the sight of their parents into their ids, one of them raced to the door (with admirable speed) and shouted, "mummy needs smelly shoes, mummy needs smelly shoes!"

i'll smelly you, kid.

sebastian had his first day of school today. it was just an hour orientation session. we started the morning by having a coffee with daddy and then heading up to the school. there was no one to tell us where to go, what classroom, etc, so we looked around until we found his cubby, and once we had located the words sebastian caldwell, he popped his knapsack into the space and we walked into the nearest classroom. it was the right one. we waved goodbye and as he was rounding the door sebastian asked me if i "would be there to pick him up when class was over".

of course i replied.

i had arranged to go for a power walk with one of the other mums, and when she arrived to drop off her daughter, we headed off. i never wear a watch, and wasn't paying attention to the time, but i am a pretty fast walker...and we were walking, halfway there, and suddenly it was 11am and we needed to be at the school and were no where NEAR it. feeling like WE were the ones late for class, we started jogging, and kept this up until my body reminded me i had already been jogging this morning, so my friend called the school, and when we finally arrived (10 minutes late!!!!) our kids were waiting for us outside. 

seb's face was fairly mutinous. he was sitting beside the teacher.

"mummy, why weren't you waiting for me like you promised you would be?"

well kitten, i did come and pick you up like i promised, but i was a bit late, and i am sorry for that."

thank goodness for wordsmithing. YIKES.

from there, still sweating, we headed to park n shop to pick up a few items. i was still wearing sweats, trainers, jogging bra and had peeled off my tee and had put on a fresh pinny over it. not a good look, muriel. but who cares, i am shopping, who will i ever see?

a fashion maven girlfriend i haven't seen for two years, that's who. she's a great girl who always looks one million dollars.

a few minutes ago, the kids jumped out of the bath and were prancing around pre towelling. sebastian suddently exclaimed, "we look like mummy and daddy after they have been running!" vast giggles from the rest of the crew, and suddenly they are all maniacs jogging on the floor, a la FLASHDANCE. this is my life.

and it's racing by quickly.

disconcHERting when it's HIM

it was a birthday party sort of weekend...friday, saturday, and sunday saw my kids trying to sing happy birthday through saliva filled mouths. its getting to the point where if they see a smoker bringing out a lighter, they congregate around that person eagerly and begin singing hopefully, craning their necks trying to view the cake.

if i haven't mentioned before that magnificent charles is a better, more patient parent than i, then i either assumed you could figure that out, or was ashamed of the fact. i forget. regardless, he is. so imagine my surprise/shock/horror yesterday when he, traded in his mr cleaver/pa ingalls/mike brady self for a tess reaction.

the kids were no better/worse/different than they usually are/were/can be. no louder, no whingier, etc. we had been to a birthday party and actually had been complimented several times on how good they were. (this is because we gathered party food that is taboo at home, like doritos and juice boxes, and stuffed it into their mouths). then when we finally got home, we went down to the playground, they raced around. i was doing the typical tess thing with a couple of other mums, easing myself from the kids and having them racing up to me every once and a while for cuddles or to show off their latest accomplishment.

and then we went upstairs, mc bathed the kids and i heated up some risotto and set the table for dinner.

and then it.. happened. the kids weren't being truly appalling, a couple of medium whingy bits, not listening and interrupting, i really can't tell you what pushed mc over the edge, i know what does it for me, but suddently boom he was SO THERE.

it was very odd to see him so angry. he didn't yell, and i think only i knew how upset he was, but he was. so we quickly fired off the kids into bed, all at once, and to no one's surprise, none of them got out of bed, the first time since sebastian was put in his new bunkbed and the triplets were introduced to their big boy/big girl beds.

why wasn't i the one getting angry? why did magchar? he has seen them be so much worse and has held it together so admirably while i am off reading vanity fair and cooling down. it was a different sitatuion, all right. we went to bed quickly ourselves, watched our arrested development replacement, my name is earl, and by 9.30pm were asleep.

what got him so angry? why hasn't he gotten angry before? they've been worse, BELIEVE ME.

breaking my water?

this was the summer i swam.

i am actually quite a competent swimmer, lifeguard level. i haven't had a traumatic water incident. yet i rarely am in the water.

the reason for this is my hair. i have very thick, very fine hair (read: no body to it) and whenever it gets wet and is unaccompanied by conditioner, it gets all snaggly. the pain and hassle of combing out the snarls has made me water shy over the years. those detangling products i found made my hair limp. ah the joy of fine hair.

however, i now have very short hair. you've seen the pictures. and just about all summer long i wore it in bunches, or, gasp, loose. (the erstwhile ponytail has complained to the union.) and i was getting uncomfortable, wondering if my kids were only going to remember me as a dock-lingerer, aka: the person always with the camera but never involved in the sport. i know my kids see me as active, they race around the house to retrieve my grotty running shoes when they see me in my running kit, they know i exercise, but they don't SEE it.

with short hair, i determined there was no excuse to stay dry. so i shucked off my drears and spent time in whatever lake we were near.

the first day we were at fintry, mum and i were in the water and i surprised her by diving in. after a short three minute swim, she said, "tess, this is the most i have ever seen you in the water!"

i was totally affronted. i had been in the water once and it was a record?

everyone else commented as well. so i know i did the right thing by getting into the water at least four times a day. some mornings, i would wake up, throw on my suit, and not get out of it until 9pm. how i don't have a massive yeast infection is beyond me. there were mornings i would get up and would be hot, and only diving into the water would cool me off.

there were other days when we would be sitting on the dock, me wearing towels so that i wouldn't get too much of a tan and covered in spf 30 just in case i did, and anne and pam sharing spf 4 and 6. and every five minutes or so we would say, "soon?' and the others would respond, "yes, give me five...." and after three or four minutes, we would all dive in.

of course, skinny dipping is a big part of any vacation, and while in ontario i was a night time dipper, in bc i was a day time skinny dipper. a little more difficult this way. basically you dive in avec suit, then lose it, then drape it over the ladder, collecting it on your way out of the water.

one afternoon a few of us were floating naked in the water when sebbie jumped into the water, wearing his boat coat. he looked at me and declared the obvious, "mummy, you are naked." he looked around and said, "everyone is naked. you all have boobies." i then agreed that we were sans clothes, and he looked at me and asked, "but why?" i offered to let him try it, to take off his suit and just wear his boat coat, but he declined. "maybe when i am grown up" he told me later on.

yes, i bet when you are grown up.

one night we did go into the water at dusk. the people in the dock next to us were outside, so pam, anne and i tossed off our suits behind the adirondack chairs. our sweet nathan ("nafan") was there, and we instructed him to look the other way. the poor fellow nearly twisted himself off the dock in order to keep his eyes pure, and one, two, three, we were in the water. we then commanded that he bring our towels to the ladder, and he complied. eventually he came into the water to join us, but made the comment, "man, this would be so much more fun if i wasn't related to two of you girls." nevertheless, skinnydipping is the best, and i'm glad this is the summer i took the plunge.

luggage, minds and bodies safely returned to hk

it was a safe and easy flight back to hong kong last night, but my goodness, it was a long day. the kids probably slept six of the 14 hours, which is as much as you can ask of anyone. i think the worst bit was checking in and standing in a lineup with 100 other fellow passengers while three air canada personnel valiantly tried to deal with everyone, and their (had to be) sedated front line fellow who was taking abuse from everyone (but not me!) assured me, "oh no, this is a good day! normally our lineups go down to the food court!"

i have learned that magnificent and i are masochistic....how else can you explain that we chose our first night back in town to introduce our children to their new big boy and big girl beds? yes! not only are you not tired but being put to bed...but your beds no longer contain you! it's up to your conscience. probably NOT the best night to introduce the whole caper, but it had to happen. the triplets slept from midnight until 5am, seb was champion, slept until 8.30.

our clobber is sitting in various rooms, somehow just looking at it tires me. i have already unloaded my suitcase and a couple of other boxes, and i think that is my limit. i figure by my Christmas bake exchange the front room will be clean.

two notes and then i am off to convince the kids to stay awake for another five hours (whereapon they will not be tired anymore!)

- thank you all who made kind comments and sent emails about the blue bathing suit. but the DAY charles left ontario to head back to hong kong, i knew a side effect of single parenting would be increased stress, and so i increased my drug intake. not because i was having seizures, but because i didn't want to. and of course, i started to gain weight immediately, and i did NOT help matters, because i got/get the mindset...."if i am going to gain weight from medication, i will at least enjoy some good food on the way." and so i began tucking in to some truly summer canadian treats. ten pounds heavier, mcharles and i are now together and the stress of travel is over, and as soon as school/september is well underway, the meds will reduce yet again. pleeeeze do not think i am a bikini queenie - so not the case.

- had some fun incidents with the kids and toilet training....a HUGE part of tt is routine.

1) wee/poopers

2) wipe

3) throw tissue into bowl

4) flush

5) wash hands

imagine the triumverate's reaction the first time someone did a wee and went to wipe, only to be told "no, we don't put the tissue in the toilet here". SUCH ANGER. i CLEARLY did NOT understand that TISSUE NEEDED to be IN THE BOWL in order for the act of wee to be completed.

i had only placated the kitten by complimenting her on the wonderful wiping she had done and disposing the tissue in the bin myself (she refused to put the tissue in the bin herself on the grounds that it does not belong there) when she hopped off, pulled up her knickers and went to flush the toilet.

"no sweetie, we don't flush the toilet"

"yes! bye bye wee-wee!"

"no honey, we keep the wee-wee in the toilet here."

"NO! bye bye wee-wee!"

the tears, the frustration, oh there was foot stamping too....i am probably the world's worst mother because i was killing myself laughing and dragged everyone in to witness these seemingly hourly showdowns (or better yet, take them on themselves), but i could see the poor kitten's point.

yet really, now that i am back in the non septic world, i am not flushing after every wee, and i really don't feel like it.

so we are back. pix to follow. (a few over here) how was your summer???