Dim Sum Mum - Tess' Little Pieces

in being enviro friendly, wee wee aren't so hygenic?

it's embarrassing to admit that i actually learned something from the demi moore/rob lowe movie about last night. but here you go --- each time you flush the toilet, six litres of water is used.

i'm glad that i learned something to keep me awake in that crap-tastic movie. six litres. that is a lot.

during the night, when i get up to wee, i have never been much of a flusher. i have trained charles to be much the same way. six litres of water! i wailed to him. he made all sorts of noises about bacteria and hygiene that i admit made very good sense.

during the summers at fintry, where there is a septic tank system, we sort of follow the old agage:

if it's yellow then its mellow

if it's brown, flush it down

every four wees or so, once the water gets YELLOW instead of yellowish, you flush.

is this wrong?

according to sebastian, my little primary one king, YES YES YES.

mummy, he instructed me, as he charged into my room the other day trying to see where i was hiding his birthday presents. "you didn't go to the toilet right".

oh dear, i thought we had sorted out this whole mummy can't wee standing up business a while ago, but i started explaining again about willies giving men a whole lot of advantages when weeing as long as they didn't abuse the privilege.

"no!" exclaimed my little crusader, "you didn't flush! you must!"

it's true. i didn't. and often, in my own bathroom, particularly if magnificent is away (as he is right now), i don't flush a lot if i am the only one contributing to the toilet.

this is a conundrum. in not flushing, sheryl crow says this makes me best friend forever of the environment. yet my son thinks i am a slatternly cow.

and if he didn't flush, i am not sure how i would react! i mean, he helps with the recycling and knows that recycling helps to keep Earth healthy, but, i am not sure that would be his impetus for not flushing.

bah humbug.

here's what i know

among other things, here is what i know:

1) sebastian is a very creative person

2) sebastian has a personality very much like his father's

3) sebastian is well liked among his peers

4) sebastian is joky amongst his classmates who joke back

i know these four things. i just listed them, didn't i?  and i also know that friendships also start and end, rarely lasting a full term not to mention a year, during these first primary years.

yet, even with this virtually encyclopaediatic knowledge, i got hurt today. i emerged from the pta office and saw that sebastian's class was having recess. i scanned the faces and forms, and eventually located my little boy, drawing alone.

i looked around for rufus. couldn't see him. walked back into the pta office and went back to boxing books.

nine minutes later, i was outside again, as sebastian's class was lining up to go upstairs. my little blonde boy launched himself at me.

mummy! he said.

hello kitten. we smiled at each other.

that's a gorgeous picture, i observed.

thank you. i just made it.

did you play with anyone?

no. i played by myself.

by now, i had seen rufus holding hands with julian. watched them line up together. rufus smiled and waved at me and i smiled and waved back. he is a very nice boy.

sebastian didn't mind being alone. sometimes he does, and comes home saying that no one wanted to play with him and no one wanted to be his friend. today, he didn't mind.

today, my heart cracked a bit.

i know it is okay, because sebastian was okay.

but my heart. he looked so alone.

there are times you are proud of your child for standing alone, for taking a stand, etc...but today was not one of them for me. i know this also.

la luce

lucy is back in town.

you remember me telling you about lucy - she used to live in our building. it was with her and her family charles, mo and i travelled to phuket with on the saga of:

will she have a seizure or won't she?

http://tesspeak.typepad.com/my_weblog/2005/02/_my_brain_and_b.html#comments

lucy was also the friend who endeared herself to me forever when the triplets came home from the hospital and i was getting used to reflux and vomit and thousands of feeding and feeding charts and trying to decide at what point do you attempt a re-feed or just let them be, for one month she had sebastian come over to her flat for dinner and a bath.

can you imagine? she brushed it off. encouraged me to come and see him sometime during the meal, but insisted he go to theirs for dinner and a bath, every night. and a play. until bedtime, basically.

when doug and carolyn and penny had come to visit, she wasn't in town, and she had offered them her flat, so they could be more comfortable instead of crammed into our playroom.

that was lucy, and i love her for it.

and one day, about a year later, she informed me as we were walking down the driveway that they were moving to perth.

you're always kind of devastated when someone you love moves. it's a piece of your routine, and your sounding board, and of course when your a transplant, or an expat, it's your family. such an important resource. and most of all, lucy was my friend.

we stayed in touch over email, although i am not good with email. and then, one day she sent an email and insisted that i call her back. she was indeed pregnant, and darling juliette came into their world nine months later. she's gorgeous.

and then, in january, lucy called and then in a series of emails, said she wanted to come and visit.

she was coming back to see us! she has so many friends in this building and we all let out a collective cheer, none so loud as editha, lucy's helper who is now working with another lovely family, the firths. she booked her ticket and we waited six long months...

and here she is. the day she walked in, i started calling friends, and they came downstairs, the kettle went on, and we all started catching up. the next morning, after the school run, it started again, in a different flat this time.

talking, smiling, sharing. joy. challenges. ambitions. food. tea.

sometimes i look at her, and i smile. i am so glad you came. i tell her.

so am i. she answers me.

i know she isn't yearning to come back to hong kong. life is too short and she is too happy in australia. this makes me happy. you don't want to think of someone you love unhappy in their life, even if it means they won't be a daily part of yours.

but i am so grateful to have had this time with her. any time.

she came back.

and i hope to go to her, soon. when the time is right.

a bitter pill for fresh smelling noxema

after viewing my face in a change room the other day, i decided the time had come to buy a face cream.

actually, by the looks of the crags and crevices in my face, the time had come quite a long time ago. i was being reactive. and according to the magazines that i ignore, i should have been cleansing, toning and moisturising since i was in my teens (thank you estee lauder).

but i had noxema then!

and i still do.

there is no way i can toss aside noxema. i lurve the fresh smell and clean feel my face gets from noxema.

but i also need a little bit more.

i tried this product from a line called caudalie. big mistake. i broke out in a rash all over my face and looked like a tiny tomato.

so now i am going with decleor.

judging from the look of abject horror on the smooth faced, dye browed salesperson who "helped" me (not psychologically, she damaged me there) the other day, it is far too late to save my face, but might as well spend money and try.

i mentioned to anne that the choice of face creams was mind boggling and that even after carefully googling "best face cream erasing years keeping skin looking 15" i still had no idea what was the best thing for my face. her response was to burst into laughter that i could hear all the way from toronto.

"ha ha ha, tess!" she squealed. "ha! doesn't matter what you use! anything is better than that noxema you've been using for the last, what, 25 years?"

on behalf of noxema, (and my laziness in only using noxema), ouch.

so i have a face cream. no rash yet, but no fewer lines either.

i got two emails and some comments on a forum where i post asking me:

how do you save $1300us

being anal retentive, i had this figured out by noon the day following the event, and would have had the sums earlier if the hotel had not been so swanky and used cloth napkins. if there had been paper, i would have been jotting down numbers as soon as magnificent charles said "guess what i just did?"

i won't bore you with the spreadsheet, but i figure in the five months until my birthday, we can absorb that $1300 by making some cutbacks.

here's what i have done so far:

$75      passed up opportunity to buy pre-ny champagne. i won't drink sparkling white, i just won't have champagne. i don't drink alcohol anyway, why should i make an exception for nye when all we ever get is a half full bottle?

$50     no taxi's this week. i am very conscientous about time, i just at times am so double booked i take taxi's. not this work week, bebe.

$20     no buying vanity fair for five months

$20     no ordering pizza for dinner last night 

$20     cancelled pedicure for next week. had nails painted last week, that is fine.

$50     sold pilates training classes passes to friend. i am not going to get to the classes, why don't i accept that and just sell the passes. so i did.

$20     selling car seat (have not done yet, but we will)

$75     i am not going to shenzhen tomorrow. transport alone would be close to $20, lunch another $7, and oh i would buy an estimated $50 worth of stuff. all unnecessary.

so there is $300. true, not everything (car seat) i have accomplished and is cash in the pocket, but i reckon by march 17, with more frugal living, we will be on even keel again. and if we're not, gee, how awful. how terrible.

so not only am i the closet and house de-clutter queen, but i am also able to help you analyse your budget/lifestyle and see where cutbacks can be made. if you want. this week i am going to terri's to help her toss out some things. terri is very agreeable and not a clingy possession person, she just wants an opinion to bounce off, so good times will be had. i will take the #40 bus to her flat.

sebastian's sixth birthday party was yesterday. charles was/is ill, but still managed to make a very great superman cake, which sebastian had requested and loved.

we held the party on middle island at the boat club, which meant that the kids could take a ferry ride. some of the kids liked it, some didn't. they liked playing zombies and the treasure hunt. all in all, it was a good party and the Lord heard my prayers and the weather was fantastic.

grandad doug is here and of course the kids are short on sleep and are being appalling with their manners/whinging/irritatingness. it didn't hit me until four days into his visit when he was lecturing one of them (not inappropriately, and if you remember, i like it when someone correctly disciplines my kids) on something, that he might be saying to himself, "wow these are terrible kids, so bad mannered, whingy, repulsive, etc"

it was just a passing thought, because i know how tired/sick the kids are right now and really, i know that they are pretty well behaved. and if sebastian didn't eat the salad on his plate, well, that just is the way things are some days. pick your battles is key for me, and i could have either asked tired sebastian to eat his salad and been miserable making him, OR i could have let it slide. i chose option two. i wanted to have a nice chat with doug.

coughing& feverish charles didn't come out with us today, he stayed at home while doug and i took the kids to church and then out to lunch & a play. the kids were overtired; after church sebastian even said that he wanted to go home, but charles is going to shanghai tomorrow and needed to sleep undisturbed so i didn't let the varmits head home. but when we eventually got home with the whingy crew, we learned that charles hadn't slept the entire time as i had expressly instructed him to do!

husbands!

love overflowing like rice grains inbetween my fingers

possibly it was the frock, or the twinkling toenails, but mr magnificent and i had a very good time last night at the International Care Ministry banquet.

ICM is a fantastic charity that works in the philippines improving quality of life through creating homes, providing medical care (daily and funds for emergency), education and food. i am hoping to take sebastian on an ICM mission trip soon where he could help build something.

the event was held at the jw marriott ballroom and it was fantastically decked out. the live and silent auction prices were displayed in the hallways and there was a buzz of excitement. who would auction the smartest and win the skiing in telluride, colorado prize? the trips to bali, capetown (i WISH!), washington, south of france, the antartica cruise, fiji & australia, peru? who would be playing the british open courses and who would be staying and playing at wimbledon and have courtside seats at the french open?

magnificent bought me a prize. it was one of the prizes where as many people could bid as they like and there were an endless supply of prizes, and love.

ICM's feeding program provides destitute families with rice as a supplemental food source. as a gift to me, magnificent paid over $1,300us and joined one of these neighbourhood feeding programmes. this gift will fund the feeding programme for one community, providing weekly gifts of four kilograms of rice for six months to 25 families. can you imagine that? it is estimated that this gift is providing essential nutrition to approximately 125 malnourished people.

i will even receive a birthday card signed by some of the recipients to say thank you.

this is a great gift, a meaningful gift and charles knew how much it meant to me to receive it.  do we have $1,300 to be casually flinging around? no, but we have food in our pantry and the knowledge that some families don't, and knowing we had the chance to change their life, was enough to change our lifestyles for a few months.

how do you get over a bad start?

this morning i was having a great natter with charmaine. it was blissful because we haven't caught up in ages. i was in my room trying to organise things, but not having much success. today is a hugely busy day, compounded by the fact that sebastian is sick. poor poppet has a headache and a cough and those blurred watery eyes.

charmaine and i were having a great moan about life in general and the unlikelihood of me flying across canada this summer due to exorbitant costs/four children, when all of a sudden there was a frantic knock at the door. i thought it might be tara or katie, who are flying to new york today and might be in need of some airline reading material. but no, it was a lovely helper, who said,

"i just got a call from marianne, charles called her and he is trying to call you you need to get off the phone."

now, charles is flying back from india, doug is flying in from canada, that's a lot of air flying and a lot that can potentially be wrong. frantic i bid charmaine adieu, and dial charles.

"yes hello what is it what's wrong" i say, forgetting to be relieved that he answers the phone which proves he is alive.

and i am annoyed, yes annoyed when he says, "nothing is wrong. calm down."

he accuses me of being ticked (i am), i accuse him of being ticked and am happy to have the ammunition of how he ended a sentence to prove that he is cross. but you said this!  i cry, unwilling and unwisely.

how can a conversation improve from there? after miscommunication like that we are doomed to spending the rest of the conversation unhappy, and the majority of it was silent.

did i want to burn up the airwaves with silence? absolutely not. did he? no, he's a better person than i am. but we managed quite nicely.

and we have a chi chi lala ball to attend tonight. i have a frock and toenails the name colour. i need something warm to wear with it, because i don't plan on giving still-magnificent the cold shoulder, but you never know.

i'm kidding.

8 random reasons to be pleased:

the title says it all:

8) charles' dad doug arrives on thurs and details of his visit are falling together nicely. he's going to shanghai with charles for some father son time and plans to do some independent sightseeing when not reading, cuddling and being grandad to four excited kids.

7) i contacted the enlighten for epilepsy group in hong kong today and offered to volunteer. this isn't exactly the best season in my life to volunteer, but i want to be more involved in this group for the obvious reasons. they asked if i could help this sunday. if i can, i will. i want to spend time with doug while he's here and my schedule is packed enough as is without taking more on. but, we will see. i'm not sure why i made the call to enlighten today.

6)i am organising the book table for the kennedy night market (dec 7) and it is falling together nicely. i think i have thought of most of the issues that need to be covered in my friday morning meeting. can you imagine....two classrooms filled with second hand books. and i get to organise them (as well as carry them up two flights of stairs, find 40 plus volunteers and a few other choice tasks). but just to be around so many books and organise them, well that is my passion.

5) i bought the girls new nightgowns today. i was going to save them until Christmas but i didn't have the heart. when they saw the nighies they began jumping up and down, arms high in the air. and then they pulled off their school clothes and pulled on their nighties. and then the twirling began. they grabbed each other's hands and started turning faster and faster like they were doing a reel.

4) we are successfully de-cluttering our home. when changing styles of their home, painting a wall a new colour, do you ever throw away paintings, or what do you do with excess art? we have art in storage in vancouver that we received from our wedding, and then we have art we chose and bought years ago that we will never put on our walls. we have art that we first had on our walls when that was all we could afford and is now faded but still sentimentally loved. we have expensive impulse buys that we regret but still have.

3) i have heard quite a bit from lita and she is happy. her employers are really kind and going out of their way to accommodate her. my heart is so much lighter every time i hear from her. she's cheering for the wrong team on the amazing race, but no one is perfect.

2) i have found my dad a Christmas present which he will like very much. as frugal blake is a blog reader (it's free!) i will not go into details until 25 december 2007, but let's just say for now that i think he will be very pleased.

1) last night sela woke me up squealing loudly, "wee! wee, wee wee wee!" i ran into her room (which is also carys', jasper's and sebastian's room) and found her holding her crotch and sitting upright in bed.

"do you need to do a wee?" i asked her

"yes", she confusedly confirmed

"fantastic job, sela" i congratulated her and led her to the toilet. the knickers were dry, the bed linen was dry.

waking up to do the wee is a monumental step. the bladder overruling the urge to sleep is huge. i still have dreams that i am sitting on the toilet doing a wee and i wake up only to find that i am still cosy in bed with a bursting bladder.

yesterday jasper nearly was very badly hurt.

we were walking towards park n' shop (me to shop and the kids to go the park) and jasper broke from my grasp and trotted a few feet ahead of me. i let him go. gary was holding sela's hand, i had cary's sweet little paw, and jasper was at the front.

behind us there was the #28 bus.  buses in hong kong do go notoriously fast but it was my child that darted out into the middle of the street. i saw him turn at the crosswalk and said, "stop, jasper" but he didn't. he took a step out into the street and then another.

i let go of carys' hand and lunged at jasper. someone screamed. it wasn't me. i watched this observer scream. gary also pulled at jasper and because he went around (i tried to pull jasper over the waist high bars) he got to him. and then i felt like vomitting. did he really come close to dying? why were all these people watching us? a mum i know passed by and put her hand on my shoulder. i appreciated that.

jasper. i swalled the lump of vomit and tears in my throat and looked at him. tried to give a lecture but he burst into tears. i crossed the street with gary and delivered the kids to the playground. it was AWFUL. those are the only words for it, folks.

i went about my shopping, and was nervy and cross. i wanted to poke my fingers in a mango and feel the flesh under my fingernails. you would think, i would be delicate and gentle with the precious mangp but i was just so angry. what if he had been hit.

i was so upset i even forgot to be shocked at the appallingly high grocery bill.

i came home and told charles (who is in india today) what had happened. he made me feel better.

i told someone else what had happened and she said, "well, you aren't a bad mum."

i had never thought of that. me, a bad mum?"

and, she continued, it's not because you have so many kids. you have good control of the kids.

if you saw a child get hit by a car and saw that the mum had lots of kids, would you think "oh, she couldn't control them?"

new thought and possibly, once i get over my anger at jasper surviving his early preemie days only to die for not listening to me and being an idiot, a nice new paranoid thought to creep me into the bell jar.