Dim Sum Mum - Tess' Little Pieces

i am very very very somewhat interested in hearing your opinion on this matter.

i belong to a triplet parents discussion group.

a relatively new mum of triplets recently posted to the group asking for assistance on obtaining a handicapped parking tag for her vehicle. although she and her children have no health issues, she feels that her children's safety is at issue when she is unloading her kids from the vehicle to the stroller, and she is therefore entitled to a parking space.

some fellow mums wrote back and gave her tips on getting the handicapped parking location.

however the majority wrote back in disfavour of this action.

i admit i fall into the second category.

i do not consider my kids handicaps. even if i could drive, why would i take a handicapped parking spot that should be used by someone who legitimately needs it? i don't argue that getting kids out of a vehicle can be tough and fast moving cars can be a danger, but mums of multiples have the option of parking in far off locations, which also burns calories (YAY!). (obviously the parking lots in hong kong need to be a little bigger to give me a little longer to work off my jlo.)

what do other people think when they see parents of multiples demanding special privileges? someone sent me an email on the topic asking, "what about jon and kate plus eight? they have their own their own designated parking spot." that is their business! between them and the company! they didn't ask for it, it was given to them. i do see a difference.

besides the fact that my children aren't handicaps, i do know that handicapped parking spaces are needed by the majority of the people who do have the parking tags. yes, some people do abuse handicapped tags, but that is their choice, their conscience.

so there we go. this will never affect my life because chances are very good i will never drive. but even if i could, i wouldn't classify my kids as handicaps. and i wouldn't single them out by describing them as handicapped. as a handicapped person who's handicap shows itself in very obvious ways occasionally, i want to spare them that "handicapped" label.

gravity

gravity is a funny thing. or not so funny if your name is jasper.

monday night sebastian reported that he wasn't feeling well. i would have figured that out myself...the old half mast eyes were glassy and the forehead was getting hot. and his gorgeous little back, covered in the occasional freckle.

poor little fellow. i have him some motrin and he settled down. his father wasn't in town, which upset sebastian more than it usually would have done. he wrestled in his sleep with special blanket and moved around a lot during the night.

especially at one point during the night, when sebastian woke up and decided that he felt like he was going to vomit. he was very very tired, but he managed to lift his torso and turn his head over the side of his bed and vomit.

the problem is, of course, that sebastian sleeps on a bunkbed, and jasper's bed juts out underneath sebastian's. and good old gravity demanded that vomit that came out of sebastian's mouth head downwards straight on to jasper's bed.

what a dissgossting way to wake up. being vomited on.

can you imagine? poor little jude.

fore!

the three turned four on saturday. it delights me to tell you that this year, i was able to really celebrate their birthday. to delight in them turning four instead of remembering how they nearly didn't make it to four days old.

we held a party on the playground and invited around 40 kids (nd their parents), which means approximately 70 people attended the party. i am very grateful for the events planning i did when i was a student at mount royal - mum and i did everything the day before the party. cut vegetables for the vegetable platter, made dips, (the party bags had been prepared since tuesday), checked that the candles worked, and friday night i premixed the dry ingredients for the chili i was making for the party, chopped the four onions, pressed the garlic, and got everything together, so the next morning, the preparation time for the chili was minimal. friday night i also made a list of what needed to be accomplished the next morning, and what time it needed to be done. i love being this organised and OH! did it pay off. keep in mind, i don't drive, so i bought all the alcohol in three shops prior to the party, as well as water, etc.

charles made the cake, and keeping in theme with the party and invitations, it was a shrek cake. when the triplets saw it, two of them were enchanted. one child however, burst into tears and sobbed, "i wanted a princess cake!" hello! this was the first we had heard of it! i reminded this child that the tears & dislike of shrek cake might be hurtful to the father, and the child did not show remorse. briskly carted off to room, child smartened up.

as soon as the party started, aforementioned child cornered me and said with a mouth crammed full of crisps, "i am having a really good time".

it was a good party. my dad did what he does best, he held the plethora of babies that our playground always has, and only very reluctantly relinquished them to their parents. he informed parents that their babies needed to visit canada. my mum suggested that i have more children. i suggested that possibly my other siblings might like to take a turn. each time we took a child up to use the toilet, we took an armful of empty trays or brightly wrapped presents with us.

(i asked sela and carys if they would like another baby and they told me they would like a girl baby. they decided on the name of "baby supergirl". i like it. any child that could be naturally created from my calcium covered ovaries would be pretty superheroic indeed. this child's head would have like a crusty eggshell on its top.)

my mum had a great time as well, and was incredibly helpful. i was v. grateful to have them there. they were so fantastic, talking to so many people.

the food was fantastic. i had made the chili in the slow cooker. i had been worried about the weather and chili is such a nice warming food. other appetisers were also warmed and i had done the prep work the day before, but the cheese dips were fantastic (ie: none were left over), and the platters were great. but you know what i learned? no matter how many bags of crisps you buy, the kids will finish them off.  it was astonishing to watch the kids polish off 4 bumper bags of doritos and 6 bumper bags of crisps. and they were still looking around for more when other parents told me to NOT put any more out!

the girls wore their pink tutus and jasper wore his buzz lightyear costume. the girls were chuffed that the weather was a little warmer because, "if the weather is very cold we have to wear stockings and pants with our tutus and then jumpers. we won't look like ballerinas."

did i mention that the girls got their first "real" haircuts?

did i mention that they are four?

everything that comes with four?

i survived three kids being three. and even more importantly, their survival no longer has such an impact on me.

this year of theirs is off to a great start.

fore!   

sibling sets

housekeeping items:

amber - we pronounce daughter #2's name KAHR-ys. the traditional welsh way. the majority of people we know pronounce it care-ISS. doesn't matter to me!

on the friendship blog - a couple of you touched on it and got it right on the head, as did a couple of emails and one facebook message - "People want to be part of the fun. If you are radiating it, they want to be part of it. How loud you are being doesn't make a difference, how happy you look and how "simpactico" you seem does."

**************************

as i mentioned in an earlier blog, charmaine and i saw, "no country for old men", which swept at the oscars earlier today.

as they trotted up to collect their first academy award of the night, it struck me that part of the coen brothers success (and even their failures are arguably successful if they make money and make people like me laugh) is that they are siblings.

famous siblings.

let's look past the jackson five, hanson and lord forbid, donny and marie, to ernest and julio gallo, the grimm brothers and even, harvey and bob weinstein, who named miramax studios after their parents, miriam and max.

what is necessary for siblings to work together like that? why would they want to?

the trust issue. the ability to fight with the person and know you have to make up, because there is no hope of getting Christmas or birthday presents or peace of mind from your parents (who are probably partially funding you) unless you do. you know the person's style of thinking, there are few surprises about them left. you probably have similar ways of thinking and similar senses of humour, which causes great think tank sessions.

as a parent, i would be DELIGHTED if my kids worked together. i would be there everyday, completely unwelcome and they would never get any work done because i was being so nosy and making suggestions that they didn't want/need.

what would they do? should i have gone into business with graeme at some point? doing what? making illegal copies of madonna songs? writing archie comic scenarios?

could my child be filled with enough creativity and talent to start a business or company? how wildly scary and exciting for them. forget university, i better start saving money for this now. whether it was successful or not (remind me i said that in 20 years), i would love it if my kids loved each other and respected their siblings talent enough to go into business together. i think that would be fantastic.

what IS it about girl power?

while in canada, i spent some great hours with uber good friends charmaine and anne.

anne and charles they are magnifcent friends and have such great teenage stories on each other, back when he wore an ascot and they couldn't walk through a door together because her helmet hair and shoulder pads made it impossible. when i married charles, i was lucky enough to inherit one of his best friends as well...lucky me!

charmaine and i have a more recent history, and like anne and i - we have a love. and we laugh. and we talk about our husbands, our lives, and our families. do we have favourite children? does it count as a favourite if we worry more about one than the others? we have very similar husbands, and my husband thinks charmaine is about as good as it gets because of her computer knowledge and her savvy business skills (www.adoptionprofiles.ca). charmaine and i get each other. it's just love.

i noticed a phenomenon when i was out with charmaine and anne. (the three of us have never gotten together...that would be a fun time)...i would be with one friend or another, and we would be looking at a book, exclaming over an eyeshadow, debating alternate ways of making a pastry we were eating, bascially just rejoicing in being with a friend and being together and smiling and laughing and being in the same time zone and knowing our time was short which made it even more precious, and just being able to look at the other person and know that there infront of you was a friend that you loved and trusted and even though you knew their secrets, they still were wonderful in your eyes...when all of a sudden, a salesperson or hotel clerk would swoop down upon us.

and try to join our party.

what is it about being joyous with a friend (and not really in a loud way, unless i was requesting a bagel at the hotel before the free breakfast had ended, i might add) that makes people, particularly other women, want to be with you.

the allure of deep friendship is potent. it attracts people. i watched it happen. salespeople followed us out of their stations, just to continue conversing with us. wanting to know if charmaine and i were sisters. advising anne on which power point eyeliner to buy.

we're not carrie and crew from SATC, but those threads of female friendship seem to magnetically attract women. especially when your contentment was showing, as ours, mine, was.

do you find this happens to you? there was no alcohol involved. this wasn't a drink thing. this was just other women (we won't even talk about the men who so did not stand a chance), wanting to be part of it. i'm now asking myself, do i find myself responding to girl circles?

if conversations are loud, i might go up a notch or two and respond in like, but i don't think i am pulled into the force field of friendship. i observe it, and it makes me smile (or send a text message...), but i don't feel the innate need to prolong by interaction in it, which is what i found happening time and again while i was with my friends.

it feels great to have love with my husband, that's a given, but you know, when with girlfriends i love, especially those i don't see so often, sometimes i get a little sentimental. i just love my friends. and everyone else seems to as well.

anyone?

if you live in edmonton you get to be cool?

sister pam had a birthday on valentine's day - nothing so unusual about that as she has a birthday on valentines day every year.

but sister pam is a most unusual person.

to those of you who do not know her, sister pam has led an eclectic life, and dabbled quite seriously in some illegal activities during her colourful (ie: electric neon) youth. in her case, her "youth" lasted until she was about 25 or so.

sister pam is a very funny person. and when we get together, she tells stories (or "if what i have of a bloody memory serves me right this is what happens") and tells us her recollections of the bad old days. except for the bad old days are so incredibly funny.

here are some sample stories:

- got her first hickey and was tipsy and was so scared of dad's reaction that she intelligently broke a ball point pen and rubbed the ink all over her neck,

- how one time after an initial brush with marijuana she could have sworn that she saw leprauchans jumping out of a bar of irish spring soap

there are some readers to this blog who will completely fail to get the humour of these stories, and will harumph. that's okay, we probably don't see the humour of your funny stories. it takes all sorts.

pam makes stories wonderful. i occasionally, especially if i have just been around the kids, i try to put on a disapproving face but i can't hold it. i just give the kids popcorn, shove them out the door and ask her to start the story again. she's just too funny. love love love my sister.

she's great. she will never judge anyone, she will help anyone in need, and she is GREAT in a crisis. (she says this is because she caused so many). but seriously, after graduating with her BSc in Nursing, pam was offered jobs in the operating room. she had to choose which job she wanted. how often does that happen? RARELY. but supervisors and doctors saw how cool* and adept she is. so pam, you keep on making us laugh, but i hope you are laughing now, at the life you are creating for yourself. and the best is yet to come.

* she is every definition of the word cool.

grandad blake's birthday

even though i am not back in hong kong yet (my flight leaves in 9 hours), let me tell you about grandad blake (who is in hong kong right now) and his 64th birthday party in hong kong a few days before i left.

his birthday fell over the chinese new year weekend. we had a very low key event planned - kids, mum, myself and our dear friend sandi heading over to the boat club for dinner. and then zoom, home again.

sandi arrived at 5.3o, as requested. our kids weren't ready, we were about 5, no more than 10, minutes late. her comment? "i don't know why people say come at a certain time if youre not ready."

mum handled this one like a champ. she just smiled and said, "and do you have children, sandi?" the answer to this being no.

we hailed two separate taxi's and headed off to the boat club, the kids very excited. now you know i love frugal blake, don't you? well, he left sandi in the back of the taxi with two kids and chose to sit in the front himself! who DOES that???

we arrived at the club, and...it was shut. for the next three days. for chinese new year.

the kids were puzzled. the club? closed? but..but...where were they going to eat their junk food? what about the cake that had perched precariously on mummy's lap that they knew had chocolate frosting on it? carys hadn't been able to sit on mummy's lap because the cake was on it and she, according to sebastian, " did NOT want to get frosting all over her BOTTOM, right mummy? HER BOTTOM." carys' lip began to tremble. the kids looked soberly at the CHOCOLATE CAKE which now, apparently, would never get eaten.

sandi and i tried to make reservations elsewhere that was child friendly, but it wasn't looking good. dad said, "let's go to mcdonalds." i said, "sandi has never been to mcdonalds" we double checked this piece of trivia with her and she agreed it was so and then said, "i would go wtih you, but i would never eat there."

we decided to head back home, dad again sitting solo in the front seat ("what do you mean it is inconsiderate, teresa? the person in front pays! she should have been thrilled!) and two kids sitting in the back of the taxi where he is, mum and me in the second taxi. jasper bursting into tears when the taxi i am in pulls away.

we get home, i order two pizza's from pizza hut. blake does not like pizza. this does not matter, this is for the kids. then we order spinach salads for blake and tess, rueben sandwiches for mum and sandi, and sad decides he wants chili as well. and the kids are still antsy so we let them have birthday cake. we cut into the cake and never sing happy birthday to blake because he is checking his stocks online. i put on the aristocats, and the kids start watching.

(speaking of watching, i saw NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN the other day...if you have seen it, let's talk).

so...that was frugal blake's happy birthday party. our food was excellent, the adults sat around and talked and laughed and had a very, very nice time. it was a great evening. the kids loved the concept of eating dessert first and gallantly offered to have cake for their entire meal and pizza for breakfast. '

i did not take them up on that offer.

i cant write too much about the kids, makes my eyes react...but...HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAM, i love you and i am very proud of you. my next blog is about you.

xo

an update!

i am trying to write as quickly as possible from my hotel room in port huron michigan.

not because i am short of time, but because i fear that if my fingers do not move briskly, i might lose circulation in my digits and acquire frostbite. it is very cold in port huron. to be fair, toronto was just as cold.

let's see...i left thursday, and the next morning i was up early, moving magazines from coffee tops, moving chairs from the dining room tables, lifting rented flatware and china to the dining room, and making  appetisers for the party. then anne (who shall get her own special blog post very soon) came to collect me and we went to get stockings, and to see if doug's present had come in for him.

charles and i had made doug a hardcover coffee table album  filled with photos of him over the past 80 years. because of delays waiting for photos to come in, we hadn't been able to order the book when we wanted to, and had to go with the most expensive option, having it overnight shipped for $70. as of the day of the party, the book hadn't arrived...tick tock! anne and i were worried! as well, i learned the morning before i flew out that the party was formal...i don't have a lot of winter formal outfits! (at left the cover of the book that we finally picked up at the 11th hour in markham.)

that afternoon i also had to make another appetiser and a salad for the party, so there wasn't a lot of time to accomplish all that i needed to. but amen, we had the book, and the second priority was the food, which got done, and then i got very hungry so we had lunch at this funky little place on bayview called riz (owned by the same people who own lemongrass down the road), and some stockings. but still, what to wear? there wasn't enough time to buy something, so i borrowed an amazing dress of anne's... pictures to follow.

i got back to doug's at 4.30... the party started at 6pm... and forget hair and makeup, there were more salads that needed to be made, things that needed chopping, lots that needed to be done. for the next hour or so i worked away, and at 15 to six i went upstairs to change and was actually able to give magnificent charles a smooch! yes, he was in town! looking so handsome!

doug was very gracious, greeting his guests and making sure we were getting them drinks, and he was clearly in his element as everyone was thrilled to celebrate with him. there were a lot of people i would have liked to have talked to more, but the kids were the caterers, circulating, removing plates, getting more drinks, clearing up rubbish, fetching, all night long. at one point we ran out of drink, and poor charles had to run out in a building snow storm to buy 8 more bottles of white and i think 2 more bottles of red. penny's girls, thank goodness they're responsible because they got ice cream (for the cake) and extra ginger ale and were also so helpful. (with about 40 - 50 people at the party, half were family and half sailing friends - the two groups of people near and dear to charles' dad. here is an extended family picture representing both charles' mom [who passed away in 2002] & dad sides of the family and three generations.)

the party ended at around 11.30pm, after a few speeches, a song, a poem, but it didn't become a roast, like those events so often become.

and then the serious cleaning started. the jetlag was serious, but seriously, could you have gone upstairs to bed knowing that two people (doug was not cleaning up thankfully) were cleaning up from an entire party all by themselves??? sorry, not me. so after a few more pics i changed into jammies. penny had a post mortem with her dad and they chatted and carolyn, charles and i cleaned. folded card tables, chairs, put dishes back in boxes, removed napkins from rooms, cleared, removed bottles from downstairs to upstairs, covered the cake and put it in the freezer, took the chicken pot pies and put them in the freezers. (at left charles with his dad, and sisters carolyn [l] and penny [r].)

(have to say, it was like a late night dinner after the prom, everyone in their finery, tucking into hot, comforting chicken pot pie, green (or spinach) salad, the last few drops of champagne, and cake and ice cream.)

at around 2am the only thing left to do was the dishes, and those could wait until morning. i was so tired. i slept for 3 hrs when charles left for the airprt to fly back to hk.

doug had a great night.

what's up in hong kong?

to keep tabs on what's happening while tess is away, and see some belated pictures of the kids from Christmas, head on over to charles' blog.

fly away home

tomorrow i am leaving for canada.

today has been a pretty frantic day, trying to take care of last minute details and show my mum and dad everything they need to know about running the house for the next few days.

i have no problems with leaving my kids. charles and i left sebastian alone for romantic weekend jaunts when he was just a poppet, and right after the triplets were released from the nicu i went to india with charles for five days of walking numbly through the streets of bangalore, a city i now detest for several reasons.

but this time, it is tough to leave the kids. they are not pulling guilt trips, there are no tears or beggings to take them. they're fine, i'm not. i haven't left the kids for so long, it's not in my groove. i'm no longer the mum who leaves her kids for funky getaways. i'm much more staid.

this morning, right after carys had shuffled out of bed, i offered her sanctuary in my room. we cuddled for a while and whispered about silly things, and then i said to her, "kitten, did you know that tomorrow mummy will be taking the airplane?" and she smiled and said, "yes". i tried to explain to her that mummy would miss her very much, but my little flaxen haired darling just smiled and shushed me because she wanted to sing the theme song from bob the builder which was on the telly.

tonight as jasper was brushing his teeth, i went over to him and reminded him, "jasper, tomorrow mummy will go on the airplane, right honey?" and he said, "but i want you to brush my teeth NOW!"

oh these kids will not miss me much. but i am going to miss them A LOT! they are incredibly naughty and frustrating and hands on, but so very fascinating.

remind me and i will try to tell you about frugal blake's aborted birthday party. oh the tears.