Dim Sum Mum - Tess' Little Pieces

we had slid back into complacency.

this morning when i looked at the calendar and realised jasper had a doctor's appointment, i actually rolled my eyes, instead of feeling icewater drift into titanic sized worries around my stomach. there was no nausea.

jasper even cracked the 45th percentile (asian) for height and weight. i was ecstatic. even looking forward to the day when there would be no more appointments.

and then we saw the doctor.

he asked jasper a few questions. and then he looked up at me and asked me many more.

1. did jasper run here

2. was he running in the waiting room

my answers were no and no. i wanted to say:

1. no, the waiting times are so long we could have crawled and still had time for a coffee afterwards

2. no, it is called the waiting room, not the running room. the running room is a shop.

but, i didn;t want to get "glib" so i stuck to just the facts, maam. and besides, i didn't want to interfere in the quality of my kids healthcare. but then the bad news started. jasper has a wheeze. how often does he have a cough? at least five days a month? yes? does he cough in the middle of the night? yes? doesn't matter if water can appease the cough...he does have a cough? and asthma runs in the family? he was the heaviest preemie? i see.

this is when i start to want to make comments about ITS ALL THERE IN THE FILE. but given that the file is taller than me, i didn't want to alienate the doctor. if he had read the entire file, we would still be in the waiting room.

jasper's lungs are in trouble. we're back on steroids 200 micrograms twice a day, and ventolin six times a day (two puffs at a go). the steroids have all sorts of long term side effects.

the irony is, the doctor told me that jaspers physical activities must be severely curtailed or else we are in danger of harming his lungs or passageways. (i am still uncertain as to what the technical term is). i have to admit, this part makes me laugh. what else would jasper like more than to have his physical activities curtailed? the doctor even cautioned me that jasper might even have learned to hide or fake his symptoms.

we walked home (slowly) and then jasper ran to the bathroom to do wees. he slipped and he hit his head, cutting open his face right below his eyebrow, so close to his eye.

he cried and cried and cried. wheezed and wheezed and wheezed.

there's nothing like kids for keeping you hygenically honest.

let me clarify: when it comes to them i am a firm believer in building resistance. when our cats (RIP) were alive, the cats licked the kids faces, and i caught sebastian drinking out of the cats water bowl a few times, and all four kids sampled cat food at one time or another. and generously, the kids would giggling, offer olivia a few licks of their tomato ketchup coated chips which she would accept. i have no problems with scooping food off the floor and popping it back on to the kids plates or straightways into their cavernous gobs, depending on the situation. the three, five and probably no longer than 10 minutes rule is a big one in our house.

but back to hygiene. except during the nicu period, when i began to get excema between my fingers because of the constant washing with carbolic soap and NO lovely moisturiser, have i ever washed my hands as much as i do now. every time i accompany one of the beasts of burden to the bathroom, i have to set a good example, or else they scream at me, "wash your hands mummy, use soap!" if i try to remind them that i didn't use the toilet or wipe the arse of anyone who did, i am shrilly informed,  "there's germs on the handles!" wash wash wash. so i wash when i use the toilet, or whenever i accompany one of them to the toilet. hassle!

today is sunday. we had a good weekend. a highlight for me was that today after lunch (goat's cheese salad on rye toast, balsamic dressing), pizza for the sultans of swing, eggs benny for charles), charles and sebastian took a run together. can you fathom it, a RUN. i mean really.

sebastian's self confidence needs this. we are always telling him he is a good runner, and while he is fair to middling at team sports, when it comes to running he is like charles, very good with the potential to be very very good. charles hates team sports, and never does them with sebastian, and they needed to do a guy thing together. and so they went for a run, and apparently sebastian jogged for about 1.5 kilometres before needing a break. i tried to take a picture of them running together, but sebastian was wayyyy infront and i was using the close up.

jasper and i watched them go, and jude looked up at me and said, "i don't have to run, do i mummy?" and i replied, "not today." he then came inside and i read him a dora the explorer book. and soon, but not too soon, my big boys returned, demanding cold drinks and claiming high fives.

a different today

yesterday was "a different today" for the kids.

andrea and i were both at loose ends, and on a whim, we decided to go to the boat club with the kids for a swim and dinner.

i strongly dislike swimming when there is a cold wind. i dislike that my kids are unable to understand what "no running around the pool" means regardless of what level voice range i use to instruct them of this command and whatever tone the command is delivered in.

but, the look on their little dirt smudged faces when i informed them that we were doing something unexpected, made my day extraordinary.

i admit, in my hurry to get out of the flat i forgot sebastian's earplug's (honestly) and my swimming cossie (accidentally on purpose). so only sebastian was able to go into the big deep pool, but he and adam has a great time, even if seb wasn't diving under the water a lot. and the younger three raced around and around the pool, playing and having the greatest time. oh it did my heart good. andrea and i sat back and smiled at each other and tried to get in six sentences before one of the seven came up to us with a crisis.

after swimming, we let sebastian and adam go into the men's changing room alone, and the boys decided to have a spa date or something. come on..they're six! how long does it take to get changed and showered! i of course, had no intention of showering my kids, figuring 10 seconds under the spigot by the pool should suffice for an evening bath. jasper, who is into equality or hygiene (not sure which) on wednesday evenings, thought this most unfair and started crying and was so upset he had to take off his socks. andrea got so upset with the boys (after 25 minutes) that she walked into the men's washroom to tell them a few plain facts. love andrea. they joined us, their hair combed and perfect, three minutes later.

i taught the girls about blow drying their hair yesterday. they were very pleased.

my wretched children told me they wanted fried rice, spaghetti, spaghetti, and spaghetti for dinner last night. i offered them pizza but no no no, they wanted fried rice, spaghetti, spaghetti and spaghetti. so why the flying fart when the pizza arrived for adam, ashleigh and ella, did my four start wailing? how annoying are they? andrea and i tried to finish our conversation.

on the way home, andrea took us all in her vehicle, further enchantment for the kids. sebastian and carys, who were, to quote carys, "smooshy" together in the back seat, fell asleep on the 10 minute trip home, while jasper and sela enjoyed ashleigh and adam singing vertigo. daddy chad is a big time U2 fan and has taught his kids the words to all the u2 songs.

it was, to quote sela, "a different today". the kids were thrilled. i think we might do it again next week, IF homework is done. i must be insane. after the kids were in bed, andrea and i went for a walk and finished our conversation.

it is a delightful time of night - right before i am to click my light off and the kids have been silent for a few hours. i have just been in their rooms, picked up spongebob and popped him back on the bed, re-arranged jasper's arms around baby batman, smoothed carys' hair off her face.

i got a taste of the future today...sebastian unrolled a large cardboard oval shaped item which could only be an easter egg of some sorts, and said, "guess what this is, mummy. guess what i have painted on the side of the paper that is facing me."

"hmm.." i said. "i guess a light saber?"

he was delighted with that thought and laughed no. ditto was his response to my suggestions that the drawing was a self portrait, a picture of canada, a suprewi or special blanket.

NO! insisted my little man. "look now! it is an easter egg!"

"well done!" i praised, "I love the bright colours! would you like to come here and tell me about the egg?"

and sebastian said no.

normally, only the television or a overwhelming urge to do a poo would prevent him from nuzzling next to me and telling me about the painting. he had initiated the conversation, he was in "the talking mode".

my days of holding and hugging my little boy, are they drawing to a close? will i be left groping mr mahjong in the pantry, desperate for some sort of maternal contact with little men? and where is mr taichi anyways. great, now i have abandonment issues as well.

the walk

last thursday i left for the walk to emmaus, and my life was crumbling - two friends are fueding and i am caught in the middle. an email had been sent and i had been cc'd. the recipient called me angry and gave me her version of what happened. how could anyone be so misunderstood?  another issue - my friend in the flat below me called and said there was water leaking from the roof of her laundry room...was our washer leaking? four government inspectors checked. my morning was frantic. i was trying to get hold of a girlfriend in canada and having no success.

in no way was i prepared for the walk to emmaus.

non happy clappers will wonder if the walk to emmaus is one of the gorgeous hiking paths around hong kong. it's not...the walk to emmaus appears in the new testament. emmaus is a city, and it was while walking to emmaus a few days after the crucifiction, that cleopas encountered a fellow walker. only after chatting for a while, did cleopas realise that man was Jesus.

twice a year, i try to walk away from my life and have Jesus reveal himself to me again, each time in different ways. the walk to emmaus is a non denominational spiritual retreat.

you can only attend the walk once, subsequent times you are a team member. this time round, i did admin sorts of things, kept us as close to time as possible. for someone AR like me, this was a job i relished. i liked the other things, like room assignments, but seeing if we could keep to schedule...oh the challenge of it all!

of course, i failed miserably. the saturday, we fell over an hour long. and i started panicking, said some wrong things. how could anyone be so misunderstood? i felt like my weekend was ruined, like i had failed. and then i remembered that earlier that morning in my devotion i had prayed that God give me the strength to follow through on his promise that with him, there are second chances. all i had to do was keep going. and so i did, and it turned out to be a great great weekend.

i came home, and found an email from the triangle friends. on friday, they had gone to lunch. talked it out. reconciled. tomorrow, we will all go to lunch together, to celebrate. 

second chances. the courage to follow through. forgiveness. grace. thank you.

jean-etically gifted

no wonder women have body issues.

i went shopping the other day. sometimes this can cheer me up, some days it doesn't.

i have to say, this day it really cheered me up. my friend sheri and i were in a hole in the hall shop in "the lanes" in central, where a biro scrawled sign intructs patrons no trying on shirts in the cubicles. i took this to mean that we could try on tops outside the cubicles. grammatically speaking, correct?

so i had a strappy shirt on and i kept that on as i put on this new shirt. great price. benetton. i was doing up the buttons when i heard a shriek from the back of the shop. i quickly kjept buttoning. the shriek got closer to me and there was a rude tap on my shoulder. and the shriek was forming words. i am not bilingual, but i would bet the shriek was saying DONT TRY ON.

sheri sidled over to me and said, "was that comment, 'gee, that shirt looks great on you' or "get that off RIGHT NOW?" and we burst out laughing. i bought the shirt.

i was going to get pants, but i ran out of time. but i am rather confused. at home, in my closet right now, i have pulled out my summer jeans. i have calvin klein jeans, size 6 and banana republic size 12. both fit. the 12's are a bit loose, but they're not hanging like i'm "p-tessie" or anything like that, with gold chains to match. and the size 6's aren't repulsively tight, with camel toe. so help me out! what does that mean?

according to glamour magazine, it means i am fat, because anything more than size two is too much.

so there we go.

for those keeping track, last night mr mahjong was rustling among the kids' sweeties. i didn't have the heart to say no. besides pooing in them, what's he going to do? little cutiepatootie.

the boys are back!

when the american navy comes into town, temperatures rise in hong kong.

a couple of saturdays ago, my friend alice was waiting for a friend to join her for lunch in wanchai. she noticed three twenty sometimes who kept flicking their hair back, giggling loudly, talking about getting wild that night, etcetera. and they kept throwing looks in alice's direction. alice was a little thrown off by this. were the come hither comments (and they were) and flicking for her benefit? the girls moved tables, closer to alice, and alice began to really wonder if she was going to get an alternative proposition. alice, now that the girls were closer, could see that though it wasn't even 1pm on a saturday, that the girls were in full makeup gear, with plenty of concealer working overtime to cover the spots caused by eating plenty of crisps the night before, if their still swizzled breath was anything to go by.

one of the girls caught alice's eye in one of their increasingly frequent glances over.

"we're trying to get the attention of the marines over there" she said, gesturing to what had to be three freshly landed american marines. "i love it when the marines are in town. i don't have to try so hard."

is this is the sort of thing we admit?

heck, i went walking through wanchai the saturday night the marines were in town. i was simply walking and i was making friends and getting invites, to walk me to a taxi, even. i wasn't even trying, i was just walking. and i am 38!

so the boys were here and gone. they'll return in a few months, don't let that foundation run a rosy-beige waterfall from your softening chinline to your plate of chips, lovie.

but you know who is back? my geckoes! i saw them the other night when i turned on the light in the pantry in order to quiet the deafening FEED ME SEYMOUR going on in my stomach. (ritz bitz and blue cheese). and there they were. i think their names are mr tai chi and mr mahjong. but they're back!

i left out a few drops of sugar water for them. a sign on bonus, welcoming them home. it could either be a drink or a bath, depending on their day. i feel like a salonist....nathalie barney or gertrude stein even. offering rich, scintillating gatherings for geckoes, where food and drink is served and in return all they need to do is eat the mossies. and they can drop their little brown poos like cigar ash, and i will smile wantonly and not mind sweeping it up the next morning because you never clean up during a good party, unless you're clearing away drink bottles and replacing them will full ones.

i love my boys! i feel like knitting them those fingertip free mittens so they will stay longer in the autumn.

one good discussion came from our persuasion book club meeting the other night: are today's women taking advantage of our "evolved society" to persue men?

a few of the women said yes. of course! look at them dressing the way they do, internet dating! speed dating! they are ditching and dating just like men are. especially as they are now equals in the business world.

others said that women still wait to be asked out. yes they meet at bars, but the girl, after giving her number, still waits in agony to see if he calls. there are more unhappy women in marriages than men, they felt.

i maintain that women have always had some power. women do manipulate situations. whether it be a timely "sprained ancle" that keeps a man bound by the chivalric code of the day bound to your side when he would rather be elsewhere,  a dropped hankie...women did have some control. but not a great deal.

among the other things we talked about is that you needed self confidence to ask a fellow out. girls lacking in self confidence just won't be able to.

we decided that if women take advantage of our "evolved society", they do need to have rid themselves of their views of traditional romance. they woman is going to call, make the moves, pay for the dinner..would that be included? what is included in being the aggressor? is it just making the call, arranging the date and then the man goes back to being the "alpha"? is it still a date if you're paying, in the eyes of a woman? that definition might need to be re-jigged as well.

what do you think? are women taking advantage of "equality" when it comes to dating? should they?

history of hers

update on tickets: today amex told me that they wouldnt be able to refund our tickets because amex travel insurance does not allow for airlines experiencing liquidation.

the other day, i had the pleasure of spending time with two women who have known each other since they were eight years old. today, they are in their sixties. i watched them interacting together, and i had so many questions. when they look at the friend do they see the eight year old?

one of the women is the minister who married magnificent and me. helen, my mum's boarding school roommate. the other woman, is her friend, frill. it was a delight to watch these two together. it wasn't the interrupting each others sentences type of friendship, it was more leaning back and smiling while the other spoke. their husbands, smiling and teasing.

after two days together, i asked frill what it was like to have such an enduring friendship. she didn't really answer that bit, but she did say it was so strong because they never lived "in each other's pocket". 

the next day, i was reading a website i frequent. a poster was asking prayers for her mum and her best friend, who had just been diagnosed with leukaemia. the poster wrote so eloquently about how these women had endured many years together, some good, some bad. my heart went out to those women. so many of their memories lie with the other person. the reassurances, the remembrances. i said i would pray, and i have been. not only will this poster's mum be losing her best friend, she will also be losing a big piece of herself. love can be heartbreaking sometimes.

in yesterday's post i didn't mean to give the impression that we are despondent. we are sad, but at the end of the day, this is an inconvenience.

the divorce rate for parents of multiples is incredibly high. while charles and i do have our fair share of spats, we are together. we have the mindset that divorce is not an option. our children are healthy. our children are happy (except when they're not allowed to have chicken nuggets). i am so grateful that that i process quickly, that he forgives readily.

money is just money.

at the end of the day, we have family and friends who support us. we love and we are loved. we have faith. we can wake up and know the sun is shining. and if it is cloudy, we know the sun will shine again.

it's just money.

(not to say i don't wish we had it back).

but it's just money.