MUMMA M.I.A.!!!

ooh i am not happy with myself.

i missed an appointment with my counsellor. she had gone in to work especially for me, and i did not show up. it was my second appointment and i was really looking forward to it.

i had double booked myself with carys' physiotherapist appointment. i was late getting to the physio because a friend stopped by who really needed to vent. i was also late for the physio. and i HATE BEING LATE! and am rarely late! annie (the physio) knows this, i have never been late before so she knew it was an extenuating circumstance so i didn't feel so badly. plus, she saw that i had all three triplets with me, so she was really understanding of the extra time it had taken to get there that i had not accounted for. annie wanted to see all three and their stages instead of just carys, which is why i brought them to the appointment.

she compared, commented, complimented.

so i get home and realise i haven't checked to see if frugal blake made it home safely, i call my mother and boom, my cell phone rings and it is my counsellor.

SHE HAD REARRANGED HER DAY ESPECIALLY FOR ME (which suggests i am in dire need of assistance) and I LET HER DOWN.

i also let me down.

very ticked off. i hate being seen as an unreliable feckless person. worse, it was only my second appointment and so she doesnt' really have an idea of who i am, ie: all talk no action, if i am a person who is normally late (NO! NO! NO!) or if i am one of those people who makes appointments and then doesn't show. i guess that is common when people meet a counsellor, not to follow through.

oh WHY haven't i been in counselling for years!! a client she knows!

it's like i don't appreciate the effort she made for me. i do! i do! but i forgot! i had the appointment down as four pm, BUT IT WAS AT NOON. and if you look at the 12 noon entry on my daytimer, it does have written her name, BUT I BLANKED OUT THE TIME. I MUST STOP DOODLING!

clearly, i need a counsellor more than ever, because i like myself and the haphazard way i am conducting my life LESS than ever.

ANGRY!

ps - but pretty good news at the physio so the day wasn't a total loss.

Comments

[Brandy]

Try not to be so hard on yourself. You have a harder day everyday than most people in the world. I am sure it will all work out in the end. I am just like you, never want to be late or have people think I am a late person. You have a good reason and when she gets to know you she will understand.
Brandy

[Tertia]

Oooh, me, I HATE being late and being thought of as unreliable, I know exactly what you mean.

This would drive me crazy. You almost want to get other people to phone this women and tell her that you really really are usually very reliable.

And how dare you casually mention good news at the physio without saying more, I want to know all the details. How is darling Carys and the other two sweethearts?

[Bridgette]

I am another person who HATES being late. I married someone who is ALWAYS late. Not a good idea. Drives me insane.

Try not to be so hard on yourself. The counselor will get to know you, and then she will know it was out of character for you.

So happy the babies had a good appointment.

[mollyv]

this won't be the last time you are late:) HA! you know I am kidding you! seriously, we live, breathe, and die by the calendar around here too or who knows if we would show up for anything! Good for you for going to a counselor - please pass on any good info she gives you!

don't tease us with baby info. give us the gory details when you can!

[Marikka]

Oh Tess! Being late isn't the worst thing in the world, but I understand how it really wrecked things for you this time. Plus standing up your counselor. These things happen, try to make the best of it. But I really do understand your feelings about that in a way. Since having the triplets I feel like I really need to 'put on a good show' even when I don't feel like it. I feel AWFUL when people see me at my wits ends with my kids. Like it gives them license to think I can't handle this many (or more) kids; like it's okay to feel sorry for me. I truly am a pretty organized person and mostly patient (at least around other people!) with my kids. But if for some reason I look haggard and act that way and someone else who doesn't really know me well sees it, well I'm just really hard on myself and feel like I have to prove to them that I really am supermom and able to handle everything all the time. Unrealistic, but I hate the "oh you have your hands full" comments enough to stress about it. But enough about me. Make a new appointment with your counselor, and set some small obtainable goals re: time management and calendaring. Oh, and take a nap. That ALWAYS makes me feel better!!!

[Julie]

Oh, I've spaced off an appointment before, and felt AWFUL! What's worse, is I didn't realize it until a couple days later... And I don't have triplets as an excuse! *sighs*... Don't be too hard on yourself, these things happen sometimes. Once your councelor gets to know you, she'll understand what kind of person you are. And I think that all four of your kids are blessed to have you as thier Mommy!

Hugs
Julie

[Scully]

I have me and a fourteen year old every other weekend and I still forget important appointments. I am sad and pathetic.

You are just a very very very very busy mom!

Please don't be hard on yourself because you're also a FANTASTIC mom!

[sara]

I have nightmares about doing that! But look on the positive side, now that you've done it, you're that much less likely to let it happen again.

Seriously, though. Your counsellor must realize that triplets, one who needs physio, a husband, and a little kid are a handful, and that sometimes things just slip in your mind--especially if they're new things that aren't part of the routine yet. :)

Don't beat yourself up over it.

[Mandy]

Tess - I am the same way about being late. I am the person who shows up early to appointments and sometimes has to drive around the block to kill a few minutes before being TOO early. I panic about being late.

But honestly, if anyone had a REASON to write an appointment wrong, to run late and miss an appointment, it is you. You have some BEAUTIFUL reasons for being distracted, and there are many of us who would make the same mistake with no good reason at all. Please don't be too hard on yourself.

And if you want us to call her, we will.

[Trinie]

Tess,

I'm yet another person who hates being late and missing an appointment. It gives me a real panicky feeling when I am late. However, I second everyone else here in saying that you have a million reasons to be late and to miss an appointment. I think that you are a great mum and wonderfully organised to just get through each day with any semblance of order.

[laura]

Tess,
I am exhausted just reading your blog. Not sure how you survive let alone make it to appointments!!
please forgive yourself!!

[Jody]

If your counsellor hasn't had other very busy patients forget appointments in the rush of caring for their families while subconsciously still processing the unbelievable traumas of their recent past--your counsellor doesn't have enough experience yet and you might want to interview a few more.

Seriously, I know what you're talking about, and I hope you've been able to let it go (or at the very least, get so busy with other things that it's not still bothering you).

So writes the woman who can still writhe with embarrassment over various faux pas committed in the early 1980s.