i have found a comfort zone between over research and ignorance. too proactive can give you a heavy heart in anticipation of the future, while ignorance enhances the pain of enlightenment. knowing that saturday the triplets had an appointment at the well baby clinic to chart their progress, yesterday i reluctantly dug out WHAT TO EXPECT THE FIRST YEAR.  it's actually a much better read than WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU'RE EXPECTING, but still, i wasn't looking forward to opening the pages because i EXPECTED to find that my children weren't meeting some milestones.

for some time now, the babies have had daily practice sitting and standing against the sofa, a coffee table, the exersaucer. we all reach for jasper and sela during these practise sessions, because carys sobs (a-ha-a-ha-a-ha) so pitifully when you force her hips into the sitting position. and its tough to listen to.

but despite the practise sessions, the babeolas are yet unable to sit alone, unless you want to risk the thick and heavy thooonk that you hear when their heads are absorbed into the wood floors. and standing, they all LOVE standing, but they do it on their tippy-toes. and they are unable to reach for toys, food, etc well.

i also know that some preemies need extra time to catch up even to their adjusted age group. but i needed to know some basics. so i read, and realised jasper, sela and carys are probably around a six month mark when it comes to milestones. not drastically behind.

so lita and i took the babies to the clinic. carys in the bjorn, the others in capsules. we walked in. conversation died, heads swiveled and the whispers began. shortly after, the stampede of curious onlookers hustled our way.

it had been a while since our last appointment, and i had forgotten what a head turner these bald headed triplets are. we explained the usual and the obvious, (yes, they're triplets), and tried to prevent people with dripping noses and coughs from touching the babies. it is tough to do that politely, especially when there is a language barrier. after a 45 minute wait, the nurse called for us.

the nurse weighed them and then asked me about their ability to grasp, sit, and stand. she also mentioned crawling. i replied that none are crawling per say, but that jasper and sela push themselves backwards which is a good start and shows the coordination is building inside. she agreed. then put each on the examination stand and after a quick look at their attempts to sit, said that we should see the doctor.

in between seeing the nurse and the doctor, it was time for a feed. i had hoped we might make it home in time for the feeding, but had prepared for the worse.  we pulled out three bottles and three containers of pumpkin and applesauce mixed with oatmeal and milk. unfortunately, the bottles were too hot, so we started with the "solids". jasper finished his in one minute, sela was too messy to finish hers, and carys was crying so hard we didn't bother forcing her for fear she would throw up. both girls drained their bottles when the time finally came.

and speaking of finally, two hours after our appointment time, we were called in to see the doctor. she watched each baby sit, stand against a table and reach for an object. she also asked about their crawling. after looking at all three babies (and in making carys sit the dr caused my littlest to cry...which is why the dr not me forced carys into the position) she announced that she is recommending to the doctors at the queen mary that jasper and carys need an assessment of their abilities. sela, seemed to be doing all right, the doctor decreed. sela was bawling her head off and for once, flattery meant nothing to her. by this time all three babies were 60 minutes late for their naps, do you BLAME them for crying?

the dr asked me a lot of questions as to what the queen mary doctors had told me about their thoughts on the babies progression. i honestly answered that it hadn't come up in recent visits.

you must not have been there recently.

no, not since late october.

that's why.

what's why?

they didn't notice the delays.

so, there we are. their next appointment at the queen mary is at the end of the month. in the meantime, we have to continue with the practise sitting and standing sessions so adored by my tiniest gal.

it could have been worse.

and the good news is, carys weighs 6.33kilos (13.96lbs!), sela weighs 7.45 kilos (16.39lbs) and jasper weighs 8.46 kilos (18.61 lbs). that's really, really good news. they've done such a great job.

Comments

[Boulder]

It is all about perspective, isn't it? While they may not be where a book or a doctor thinks it spot on, they are all doing SO much better than they could have been, right? At least that is my take on it. They are all taking there sweet time to grow up, and they've spent a lot of this past year playing catch-up. A little additional help, while not the greatest thing to look forward to in a week's outings, certainly can't hurt, and may help. They are all happy, growing (!), and full of potential. That is all that really matters in life as a nearly one year old, right?

xoxo

[Boulder]

And did I mention, handsome & beautiful? That NEVER hurts!

:)

[BRandy]

Way to go to all three for the wonderful weights. They are all coming along. They are saying Blane is around four months and he is 7 months adjusted age. We just deal with it and pray he will catch up one day. Dylan is doing better, but not where he should be. I know it breaks your heart to hear what the dr, nurse, PT, ST and everyone else says about your babies being delayed. It just about kills me. I try to remind myself, at least I have them. And I know you do to. I will keep all of you in my prayers. I hope things start to progress a little faster.
Big Hugs.

[mollyv]

Tess, it seems you are about 6 months ahead of me in what I get to expect with Andrew's dr. visits now that we have the downs syn. diagnosis. They are happy and healthy babies, so I say, who cares if they sit/stand etc. later than the TYPICAL kid - who wants to be typical anyway?!?

hugs to you friend,
mv

[Rachelle]

So, my son was a week OVER his due date and he STILL doesn't reach those milestones set out in that darn book! In fact, for the fourth month, he's supposed to be lifting himself up on his arms like a mini push-up. Well, he's nearly four and a half months and he's barely reached the milestone for three months - lifting his head off the mat with the support of his hands. He just recently started doing that!

I hate that book, even though I agree it's better than the pg one. I just think, when you reach 18, no one ever asks you, "And when did YOU start walking?"

[Maggaggie]

Oh Tess, I'm sorry that you didn't get great news, but I wouldn't worry. My heart breaks when I think of sweet little Carys sobbing. I have faith that the terrific trio will catch up soon. Granted Alexi was only a few weeks premature, but due to her size she was always waited till the last minute to hit each milestone (right at the point the Doc was concerned). I just kept working with her, as you are with the three, and eventually paid off. I know the three will be fine.

We had a nice snow here in St. Louis the last few days, and we bundled up and headed outside to play in the snow. Alexi was scared, at first, but then had a blast stomping around. I'm sure your weather there is gorgeous. Take care.

[Julie]

Tess,

I am sorry they had such a long, hard appointment!... I think they are all doing wonderfully. All my kids were full term, yet two of my kids have low muscle tone. Josh didn't walk until he was 18 months old, and Amanda is 17 months tomorrow, and she isn't walking yet. (Let go of the furniture for the first time today though, for about 5 seconds! *while standing*)

You are doing a great job, and your sweeties are too! (Not to mention that they are just so darn cute!)

Hugs
Julie

[Scully]

What a long day for everyone!

I'm sorry things are what everyone else seems they should be.

They're so beautiful and so wonderful all your children.

Thinking of you.