the sweetest love

parents don't set out to be competitive. but when you are having a coffee morning with women you have no history with and your group commonality is recent childbirth, what your children have done in their short weeks of existence do tend to be the topic of discussion.

how long did you try to get pregnant, morning sickness, weight gain, labour: pain relief, stitches, and how many hours, baby weight and apgars, and breastfeeding: are you and how is it?

as the weeks pass and the stitches are removed, sleeping and eating patterns, resumption of sex life, and milestones are discussed. you don't mean it to be a competition, but it can feel like it.

with the triplets, there is no competition. while sebastian's birth story makes me cry big tears of joy still, the triplet's birth story is graded INCOMPLETE. i can remember being separated from magnificent charles after they promised he could stay by my side until i was put under. i can remember being asked to count down from 10 and making it to eight. that's it.

there is no competition. my babies are lowest on the percentiles (although we're doing okay in weight gain, aren't we, jasper?) and the last to achieve milestones. carys has conditions, and as much as i can, i am preparing and learning about them.

i get a lot of my information from one of my strongest support groups, an excellent board for mothers of preemies. these women juggle appointments, other children, have also battled the guilt and sorrow that comes with the NICU experience and premature children. many are mothers to "surviving" twins or triplets. i remember cycling with some of these women, rejoicing in our hard fought for, often expensive pregnancies, never dreaming we would belong to the preemie board. and some were strangers to me. but our stories are so familiar. babies born too soon.

while the mothers carry emotional baggage, these babies carry trach's, nebulisers, medicines, shunts, gromits and medical conditions with them. like a "regular" board, we are different women from different backgrounds, with premature babies and children we love no matter what their condition. unconditional love. of the highest sort. read on and see what i mean.

today, one mother posted us from the out of state hospital where her toddler aged child is getting treatment for her severe brain damage, the result of premature birth. this child cannot walk or breathe independently. she writes:

We are in ****** and things are good. We saw Dr. **** today and he is great. He read "jane's" CT and EEG results and was amazed that she is such an alert bright child. He expected a child in a vegetative state. Not my "jane"! He actually told me that my daughter was amazing.....

She has lost so much brain tissue because she wasn't getting any blood and oxygen....I think the only reason he agreed to treat "jane" was because she has a centimeter of mantle around the outer part of her head that is connected with vessels and she has a bit of tissue around her temporal lobes. Therefore, she has potential to improve. Other than this tiny bit of tissue, her head is only full of fluid. That is what shocks Dr **** so much. A child with this little brain should not have the ability to do anything, especially eat by mouth, smile, laugh, move around without restriction, see, hear, interact, etc. She should be in a completely vegetative state. I'm telling you guys, God worked such a miracle to give "jane" the ability to do the things that she should not be able to.

If the dr doesnt have any good results except for the ability to come off of the seizure meds, thats enough for me!!! So tomorrow is the big day....we are feeling very blessed just because we are here and we are able to provide this kind of care for "jane". It would not be possible without the donations, ebay purchases, yard sales, prayers and care that we get from you guys......

I can't believe I said this today but I was holding "jane" on my lap and we were playing. She has been so happy today and I actually said even if I could, I dont know that I would change her. The only thing I really want is her to be able to breathe.

and that my friends, is unconditional love.

if anyone wants further information on this family's ebay items, let me know.

Comments

[red shoes]

Tess, I think you are one of the most amazing women I have ever "met". You open your self to feel, even welcome the feelings, that so many others try and hide from. You take them in and you always seem to recognize the centerpoint, the soul. You do this and carry each of them in your heart with a strength few have. You are amazing! Charles can be magnificent. You are the "Amazing Tess" and the world is a better place because you are in it.

[StacyG]

I would like the info. on the families ebay items.

[maddy]

Okay, I cried. Unconditional Love!!!!

[Rosanne]

I'm officially de-lurking. Your post today was so touching. I cried, too.

[Maggaggie]

I know the mother who you are speaking of. She is a neat person, is she not? And the child a gift from God.

PS, I love to read your blog and check in on ya'll on the other "board." Also love the pics of the kids-Sweet, Tiny Carys is my favourite. : )

[Julie]

What an amazing mother your friend is... I have no words, I am so touched... I will add little "Jane" to my prayer list.

BTW, I love your blog, and love reading about Sebasitian and the little wonders!! (Who are all so cute!)... I may not comment every time, but I visit every day!

Hugs
Julie

[Carrie Jo]

That is so awesome. I love hearing those kind of real-life stories.

[Nicole Storlie]

I would like the ebay information, too.