my brain and body betrayed me

i thought the hardest part of this trip would be walking out the door and leaving the babies. not so. my own body turned traitor on me.

thursday night my mum arrived in hong kong. magnificent charles also returned from beijing. i hadn't slept well the night before, carys was choking and throwing up, but i went to a book club meeting. lucy and i left the meeting at around 10pm and were home by 10.30. i was tired, but not so tired that i couldn't go through mum's suitcase with her and exclaim over the cutest outfits she had purchased. by 12.30 am i was in bed with mum massaging mag nificent's feet and talking to her mum, my gran.

the next day we were up early, sebastian's class was having a special chinese new year festival, and mum wanted to see "wassin's" school. we took the bus into town and browsed around a few second hand bookstores, and then head over to the kindergarten. came home, and that afternoon bought groceries, spent time with sebastian's new speech therapist, and then started to pack.

ate dinner with sebastian, helped feed a triplet or two, and packed them off to bed. around 8pm mum and i ate some mussels in lime and white wine sauce (really nice and fresh), and then i started packing in earnest. it took maybe five minutes to pack for sebastian. then to the kitchen to make him plane food in case he didn't like what the airline was offering. a p/b snadwich, two bananas, two yogurts, some lollies (bribes) some pretz ( a hong kong snack, basically pretzels in a straight line), and biscuits he loves. and juice, of course. i then wrote on two sticky pads and put one on the fridge and one on the front door.

DONT FORGET SEBS FOOD IN FRIDGE.

then it was time to pack for me. sarongs, bathing suits, shorts, one dress, pashminas. didn't take long. skin stuff, hairbrush, alice band, three pair of shoes, knickers...i was on my way. but oh i was tired.

then i packed my purse, filled with games for sebastian, the tickets, passports, pads of paper, crayons and pens...stuff to entertain sebastain.

then it was time to get to bed. mum had been valiant and fought jet lag all day long and hda crashed one hour earlier. charles was speaking at a conference and not expected to come home until midnight, as he had to clear off his desk before leaving for holiday. i was in bed by 10.30 and asleep 15 minutes later.

i woke up at 11pm very scared. it was one of those bolt uprights sweating with fear. what was wrong? the flat was quiet, i didn't hear the babies. charles still wasn;t home. i lay back down and all of a sudden, it hit me what was going wrong.

i was gearing up to have a seizure.

another day i will tell you more about how that all feels, but for now, let me just tell you i knew the seizure was descending upon me, removing more and more of my abilities to funciton. i scrabbled for the phone, and after two attempts, managed to call magnificent charles.

come home i am going to have a seizure i whispered and then hung up the phone before i threw it (or rather, before my arm threw it...i didn't want to.)

every thirty seconds the little absence seizures were coming and they were getting worse, from just awareness of absence, to jerking. i knew the next step would be holding of breath, and then i would lose consciousness and the generalised seizure would begin.

please God, just let it happen, and then let me get some sleep, i have a plane to catch in the morning. i have to be up at 6am and out the door by 6.15.

(have i mentioned that stress and no sleep can cause seizures??)

but the seizure didn't happen. the lengths between them grew, and the violence of them lessened. it was suddenly five minutes, then 10 and then 15. and then charles was there at the door.

i asked him to assess me, it just amazes me the things he does for me, so lovingly so without complaint, how much he signed on for when he married me,,,poor guy... and he agreed that i seemed to be doing well. he helped me to the bathroom and then gave me a sleeping tablet and another anticonvulsant.

it was tough, but i got to sleep. i was scared to sleep. what happened when i woke up???

i soon found out.

at 6am i woke up and stayed in bed for two minutes. magnificent charles who had been up by 5.30, and had gotten sebastian up, packed the stuff from the fridge into the carry on, came and talked to me and i told him i was doing well...ready to get up.

in the bathroom, once i was standing and doing daily tasks, my brain caught up with me. and i realised i was losing control of my actions. i needed to get back into bed, the absence seizures were starting again.

bloody he!!.

the car to the airport was picking us up in 15 minutes. would i be able to recover in that time? charles brought me my morning pills, and i made him promise me that he would go, and make my mum go as well. i didn't want to spoil anyone's trip. interestingly, i had made him promise me this last night as well.

at 6.15 there was no way i could get out of bed and function. i didn't want my mum to see me like this, and so just magnificent charles came in to see me. i was wrapped up in a blanket to minimize hurt to myself should i have a seizure. he kissed me and told me he loved me and that my ticket, passport and hong kong ID card were in my purse. he had left behind his mobile in case i needed to call him on his blackberry.

go honey, i love you and will be tomorrow or the day after.

and they left. and i lay in bed.

i wasn't angry with God. maybe this was the sign that i shouldn't leave the babies. that it was too soon. i did re-examine my actions of the last three days, to see if i could have been smarter, but i hadn't really pushed the boundaries i need to live within.

i looked at the clock and saw that it was now 7am. i imagined what they must be doing now. probably checking in at the aiport. the flight was leaving at 8.45.

i was feeling somewhat better, again the time between absence seizures was abating. i stood up, and walked to the window. i was really dizzy, but okay. i could still make this flight, i thought to myself.

i could hear the babies in the next room gurgling and screaming occasionally.

oops, no, i coulnd't make this flight. i wasn't certain i was 100 per cent. if i was going to have a seizure, i would rather it be in my own home where i was safe and could minimalise the hurt. trying to get to the airport if i wasn't firing and receiving all neurons would not be a smart move. so i stayed in bed.

at 7.30am i started watching JEWEL OF THE NILE. michael douglas before he had plastic surgery, kathleen turner before she became a transvestite on FRIENDS. and 10 minutes in, i realised i had not missed a beat.

it was 7.40. i needed to transfer my suitcase on to a carry on, but maybe, if God wanted me to, i could make this flight.

i got dressed and ran into the main room, kissed the babies and told lita i was feeling better. then i saw that charles had taken my suitcase with him. brilliant boy. i took my purse, ran to the lift and pressed down. threw on my shoes and told lita i hoped i would see her in a week.

it would all come down to timing. i would need to catch a taxi quickly. i would need no lineups at the train express to the airport. i would need to lineups at the dragonair checkin counter, i would need no lineups at immigration and in the x-ray lineups......

it was 7.45. so implausible that i could make a flight leaving in one hour. but i would try.

i caught a taxi in three minutes. and we made it to the airport express (train to the airport) in three minutes. the machine that you buy your ticket to the airport from accepted my money the first time. then i ran to the ticket counter, where you can get your boarding pass.

the girl looked at my ticket and said, oh no, i am not authorised to give you a boarding pass. do you know that the flight leaves in 55 miniutes?

cna you please call the airport and tell them i am coming?

no, i cannot,

thank you for your help, i said and started running to the train.

running! half an hour ago i had been in bed, wondering if i was going ot have a seizure, and now i was running for trains.

i was wearing a velour hot pink juicy sweatsuit and i am sure i looked like a greate jiggling bottle of pepto bismol.

i got on the train and saw that it was due to leave in three minutes.

hurry up, leave now! i urged. it had waited for me...but come on, let's move it!

it was 7.54.

and the train was moving. not as quickly as i would have liked, but moving none the less.

i called charles.

hi honey, i'm on the train. can you possibly contact the gate and tell them to hold the plane for me, and not to give away my seat??

i heard him say to the others, she's on the plane!

then he got all businesslike and said, yes, call me in 10 minutes.

i waited 10 minutes and then called again.

the gate has been changed on us, tess, i can't find anyone to talk to about you. there are no dragonair representatives. we are running to find our gate so we can tell them to wait for you.

it was now 8.05, and according to the rules, my flight had "closed". by the rules, i mean on the train to the airport every passenger has a television set, which has stations like mr bean, national geographic and airport information. the dragonair 8.45am flight to bangkok had closed.

well, technically, yes, but i was still going to try.

the train slowed down and i leapt up. it looked very aggressive, but i NEEDED to be the first off the train. and i was, and ran to the dragonair area.

economy had maybe 20 people waiting to be served, but business was open.

so i ran to the fellow running the business desk and said,

i am not flying business, but i am on the flight to phuket and i need to make the flight. please help me.

he grabbed my ticket and told me that he would have to chck with the pilot.

fine! check! call him!

so he did, did some rattling around on the keyboard and said, your luggage won't get there in time.

i don't have luggage!

he jumped up and motioned for me to follow him.

we moved four desks down to the standby desk, and he spoke to the lady in rapid cantonses (not that cantonese is ever slow, but you know what i mean). she rattled around on her keyboard and that beautiful sound, my ticket being printed, was heard.

the guy grabbed my arm, and ran with me a few steps, then pointed me toward immigration. NOW RUN.

you mean i can't buy vanity fair at the newsagents??

so i ran, and showed my passport and boarding pass. and got through to customs and immigration.

the lineups were massive. but i had a boarding pass!!!

i called magnificent charles.

tess, are you at the airport?

not only that, baby, i have a boarding pass! do i have to take the train to the gate?

no! we are gate 12.

excellent. bunny, i just think i can make this flight! but the lineups are long.

tess, you need to go to the front of the line.

i can't.

you need to.

i am a respecter of queues. the concept of jumping the queue does not appeal to me. the concept of missing this flight appealed to me less. i walked to the front of the line and said to the fellow there,

please, my flight leaves in 20 minutes, can i please jump the queue? i showed him my boarding pass and he nodded.

thank you so much.

you know, at this point oyu want to get his name and mail him money or something. but time...hurry....so i handed over my passport to the official and was buzzed through....

the lineup for the baggage check was at least 150 deep. so i said to an official (since i was getting good at this)

"my flight leaves soon..."

he looked at my boarding pass and walked me to the front of the line. thankfully i didn't have to budge past people in line, we walked along the edges of the room, where there were no lineups. and i sailed through the lineup, and again, began running.

five minutes later (okay, i wasn't running then), i found gate 12 and my magnificent charles, mum and seb, along with lucy and her family, smiling at me.

they hadn't even boarded the plane yet.

and i made it to phuket.

more later, must swim.

Comments

[Auntie Pammie]

Tess, this blog made my heart stop as I read it. This is a sign from your body that you need this time for some R+R. Please enjoy this time with your loved ones and relax, get SLEEP, and enjoy!! I am so glad that you did not have a seizure after all of that!!
I love you,
P

[Scully]

Tess:

Are you trying to give me a heart attack?

I'm so glad you're much better. Please get some rest.

Epilepsy runs in the family - I'm quite familiar with it and I was heartbroken to hear you were dealing with a seizure.

But you made it!

And you're such a Canadian! You must be more pushy when you're in queues. I know I would never jump the line when at home, but when I'm in the States or overseas, as I had to do at de Gaulle last May, I jump the line because I will not miss a flight because I'm a polite Canadian.

Now, you must enjoy yourself. And if you see a man in his early 50's, who has no neck, is bald, and is really really pale, and his name is Michael Corbeil, that's my uncle and say hello!

I can hardly wait to hear about this trip!

You lucky lucky girl!

[Laura]

TESS!!!!!!!!
I was holding my breath the whole time! So now I can breathe out again and say I am SO GLAD YOU ARE IN PHUKET!!!
Have a great time!!!!!!!!

[Boulder]

Yeah! A happy ending! I kept holding my breath unsure of what I'd read next you coy one!

Enjoy, relax & rest, PLEASE.

xoxo

[Jeanne]

OH MY TESS!
It 4:30 in the morning, I'm doing my usual I can't sleep routine. I've printed the CNY horiscope name tags and doing some general searching. You pop into my head, and I think I haven't read her blog in a while, (full time school and all ) and so I pop on only to read this blog!! I could not read fast enough, and am so glad you are fine. You got guts girl, I'll give ya that. WHEW! So now enjoy your time with your mum , Seb and Charles. Count yourself lucky for having such an understanding man in your life. Rest, relax and give yourself some much deserved time to do nothing.

Love ya girl, Jeanne

[The Good Rachel]

Goodness Tess!!! You do know how to scare your friends, don't you? I am so sorry that you had to deal with this and that it almost succeeded in derailing your vacation plans. I am thrilled however that it didn't!!

Please get tons of rest and enjoy your vacation to the fullest.

Rachel

[Lioness]

DON'T DO THIS TO ME!!! I was sweating reading this! Very happy you made it, though. VERY.

[Amber]

jeesh...and I thought I had a nervewracking day, waiting to find out my fert report. Glad it ended well...enjoy your time, and for the love of God...try to catch up on some sleep!!!

[Karen]

Wow Tess, you are my hero!
I think you could write a movie script based on this experience!

Have fun!

[Doni]

Reading through this posting was so eye opening. I don't know what I thought having epilispy would really mean. I found myself saying "No Tess! Don't leave the house! What if what if what if...." But you have dealt with this all your life. Thank you for sharing. The determination you have will serve your kids well - Especially precious litte Carys.