simply magnificent

this isn't a valentines day letter, but it is about love. and written for love. i don't call him magnificent charles just for fun. he is magnificent. you’ve read how i nearly missed the plane to phuket. well, those almost seizures that leave me unable to care for babies and the flat and sebastian were not a one-off experience.

last night, i was so tired i didn’t go to small group. i was in bed lights out by 9.45. and at 10.15, jasper started wailing, and continued on in such a way that really made it clear he wasn’t planning on being quiet anytime soon. he had thrown up earlier in the day (the girls still throw up, and what’s worse, they have enlisted their brother into this most reviled pastime), so hunger was behind it.

but the crying woke me up sharply, and a very few minutes after getting into the bedroom i realised i had to go and lie down again. when I say this, i don’t mean, i was really desperately tired and craved sleep, i mean, I HAD TO GO AND LIE DOWN because if i didn’t, i would have had a seizure. i’ve been playing this game long enough, i know the rules.

back to bed i went, and though i am having the petit mal seizures, they aren't getting much worse. as they are abating, charles returns. (pictured above at Sebastian's age) i tell him what almost happened and hasn’t happened so far, and he cuddles me. he then sees the sweaters i had bought him that morning and tells me he loves them. (he actually wore one of them today so i think he “really likes it!”, a la sally field).

then he got into bed. and when jasper again started his plaintive calling (the bum-rubbing that mum gave him wasn’t enough to get him to sleep through the night, he woke up around 2, and 3.30 and 5 am demanding attention…..) charles got up with him each time. at one point i heard the crying and got up, and charles was in the kitchen, heating up a bottle. he just looked at me and said, “back to bed, love, i’ll take care of jasper. he’s just hungry.”

you would think charles has going on in his life without his day job, nocturnal activities and permanent tiredness. but he does it all, uncomplainingly. there is never a “tess, can’t you do it this time…” he just takes care of it, again and again.

at a 1999 marriage counselling session the group leader said, “you're in love now, and that is great. but you don’t know what love is yet. wait until you have survived grief, babies, fear, and uncertainty together…and have shared years together. time together will show you what love is.”

although i had cold feet when i married charles, i never seriously hesitated because i KNEW i loved him and that he was the BEST i could ever find. i was no prophetess…but i was right. and years down the road, we’ve shared deaths of friends and parents and grandparents, the birth of children and the frustration of infertility, uncertainty as to whether those children would live, and late nights and delayed planes, losing money on lost flights, donating money to those less fortunate than we, …and i am just beginning to see the beauty of charles.

i don't think i will ever see all of it. every day i see a new way he is committed to me, our children, his friends, his integrity. he is tender and patient with the children, loves and jokes endlessly with my family, and is kind and gracious to his own family. he changes nappies, wipes up vomit, wipes tear streaked and hot faces with a cold cloth, hides my favourite hot chocolate in his suitcase when we go away so he can bring me a cup right before i go to bed, dances around with one, two, three babies in his arms and sebastian clinging to his legs. every day the reasons to love him are deeper and greater. i tell him more these days that i love him than when we were careless newlyweds. his ways of expressing love are there, and i don't have to look too closely to see his love in action.

i may be 34, but i am still learning about love. i hope i continue to learn for many years to come.

Comments

[Sandi]

What a beautiful love story Tess! I loved reading it -- and will be back to your blog regularly.

May God bless you and your sweet family!

Come visit me at http://only_female_in_my_house.typepad.com

[Lauren]

Thanks for sharing the beauty. You set a standard we all hope to attain.

[previous owner of flip flops]

YOu've done it again Tess, I am sitting here reading your blog before work ( you think I would know better by now), with my freshly applied mascara running down my cheeks. YOU know I love your husband and he is one of the most kindest, generous, selfless, giving men I have ever met. He is a great father, husband and the best brother in law a girl could ask for. YOu give him an extra hug and kiss today for me!
Auntie P

[Maggaggie]

Hi Tess-sorry I haven't emailed you back. Super busy.

Loved this blog today-absolutely beautiful. It made me take a step back and look at my own marriage, and realize the things I take for granted. My husband does all of those things too-he is wonderful. Thanks for yet another wake-up call...

[-A-]

Tess--

What a beautiful love story. You truly have a magnificent husband. And Sebastian looks so much like him! I thought that I was looking at a black and white photo of Sebastian. You are truly blessed as I'm sure you know.

[David James]

Tess:

I remember Charles when he was 12...that's when we met; Brightling was in love with his sister Caroline, and we had invited them over to his place for a beer...or two. He was so quiet and polite. Little did I know. He was wearing a preppy shirt and starched bermudas.

Next best memory: Antigua race week 2003...Chas is steering us through heavy waves as I call him round the weather mark. We shared a post-race cigar and took a picture...sent it to Cigar Aficionado (haven't seen it published yet...I suspect they wanted the blondes in bikinis smoking stogies).

Relationships between men are looser. Funny thing is that the next time I see him, we'll pick up the converstaion where it let off last year.

DMJ

[Rebekah]

Amen, sister! It is thoroughly lovely to read a note like this. So often I read entries in which the author is "unloading" on her DH. Understandable at times, for sure, but it's a million times better to read an entry full of respect and admiration for the husband God has given you.

I have been reading your blog for the past few weeks, and I can't tell you how much I enjoy it. Your vacation to Phuket sounded absolutely DELICIOUS, though I know you missed the babies. You have had many trials placed in your lap, but you continue to take them on with such grace ... what a wonderful testimony to your faith!

I will definitely be praying for you, and I look forward to continuing to read about your beautiful family. God Bless!

[sheilah]

The best gift we can give our children are two parents who love, cherish, respect and care for each other.

You have given your children a wondrous gift.

[sara]

beautifully said. :) You and Charles make me smile. You're every bit the life-long partners that married people should be. :)

[Scully]

Tess:

You are so very wonderful. And I'm glad you and Mag Charles have each other and your mag children.

What a wonderful pictures!

Please take care.

[knobody]

my first thought upon seeing today's entry, "i thought Seb's hair was shorter." my second thought, "and it looks even more blonde in black and white." third, "i wonder if that's his little school uniform. he looks so cute." imagine my surprise (well, okay, not much really. i remember Seb's newborn pix) to eventually discover that it's actually a picture of MC. and what a wonderful testament to MC as well. can he talk to Marshall about that getting up in the middle of the night thing?

[jenplus3]

Tess- What a beautiful post! Really! It is such a blessing to love so truly & deeply. I can see why MC gets the "M."