tomorrow the babies turn one.
this above fact and, oh yes, the seizure thing, explains my recent silence. as their first birthday looms, i am feeling depressed. i know their early birth was not my fault, but i just wish things had gone differently.
how good of me to question God.
how human of me.
oh i am NOTHING if not human.
i know this sounds self-pitying, but this is how i am feeling and i am not afraid to share it. i know how lucky we are, and i also know that being part of a miracle doesn't guarantee an easy bump-free road!
one year ago i was in hospital, and every hour that the babies weren't born was a blessing.
their health is too precarious to have a party, which is okay, i don't want to jeopardise them. noses are drippy taps kids are coughing and clearing their throats like they've had a 2 pack a day habit for 25 years. better safe than sorry.
and i know that alot of you around the world are congratulating them for fighting so hard to celebrate their resiliency, endearing qualities, and lives with us.
tomorrow: the beginning of their birth story.
Happy Birthday for tomorrow, Sela, Jasper and Carys!
Whilst you are thinking that if everything had gone differently things would be better, try also to remeber that there is also a possibility that things could have been worse.
You and magnificent have an incredible family, who have shared incredible bonds, and shown such incredible strength and love during the last year.
You are very lucky to have such brave and courageous little fighters. Sebastien, Sela, Carys and Jasper are so lucky to have parents that have been so supportive. Even when the babies were in the NICU, you were still doing a fantastic job of being a mother, not only to three babies, but also to Sebastien.
You have been through a lot this past year. A lot of it has been happiness, and some of it has been sadness. Whilst you are feeling depressed now, try to think of all the positive memories from the last year. The wonderful Christmas you had together, Sela, Carys and Jasper's first night at home and all the other 'milestones' that you've reached as a family.
Whilst you won't be having a party I'm sure many people, family, friends and blog salkers united will be celebrating the triplets first birthday.
Take care, look after yourself. I hope you can get the seizures under control soon.
Katrin
Posted by: Katrin | February 22, 2005 at 05:58 PM
I can't believe its been a year. And what a year its been. I think it is perfectly understandable that you are feeling a little sad. Looking back to a year ago, well it wasn't how it was supposed to be, was it? You are allowed to be a bit sad, and even a bit mad. But also give yourself a big pat on the back, you have done so well, and you should be v v proud of yourself.
Love you millions my darling beautiful, brave friend.
xxoo
Posted by: Tertia | February 22, 2005 at 10:00 PM
Happy First Birthday to the Terrific Trio, what a wonderful blessing they are! Tess - congrats to you and Charles on such a fantastic milestone. May you have many more years of happiness with the trips and Seb.
XOXO
Posted by: Jennifer | February 22, 2005 at 11:45 PM
Happy birthday to the little ones, and hope they're feeling better soon. *HUGS* to all of you.
Posted by: sara | February 23, 2005 at 01:40 AM
Dear Tess,
You are weary! When you are weary, it is difficult to see only blue skies above. You have been in a storm for a long while now, and because we have not lived it with you, we can't truly understand the emotion that accompanies your miracle children.
Your own health also attributes to your weariness, naturally.
So instead of me saying be thankful, and all the other things I could say...I say we love you, we care deeply for you and your family, and we understand your weariness to the best of our abilities.
Rest today, and even in your weariness, know that all around the world, prayers for courage and strength are ascending on your behalf!
And tomorrow...when those little miracles celebrate their 1st birthday...we will all be thanking God for them, for the true miracle that they are, and for the family that is privileged to be theirs.
Hugs and Love,
Karen
Posted by: Karen | February 23, 2005 at 02:24 AM
i'm a lurker. big fan of all you moms, my goal is to be a mom. anyhow, happy birthday to your babes on 23 february. a great day, if i dare say so myself.. as its my birthday as well :)
Posted by: brooke | February 23, 2005 at 03:52 AM
Happy birthday to the terrific trio. They have done so well.
Tess, of course you have mixed feelings about today - you have had a huge year and a birthday is the time that you reflect and think about what should have been. I hope that you all have a great day.
Every year when it comes up to Harriet's anniversary, I dread it, but the day has always been really nice and not as bad as I have thought it would be.
I love you and you all remain in my prayers as you get through every day.
Posted by: Trinie | February 23, 2005 at 04:05 AM
Happy Happy Happy Birthday, Sela, Carys and Jasper!!! I'm so glad that you have reached one year old. So many prayers have been answered for your continued health and happiness, and your parents' too.
Tess, much sympathy for your mixed feelings on this big anniversary. I remember the day, and night, before our trio's first birthday I was deeply immersed in memories of how things had been one year before. NOT happy at all, in fact quite traumatic. That first birthday I needed to spend time reflecting about what I had been through and survived, and the babies, and my husband too. I guess there was some grieving and processing of losses and changes to be done, that I hadn't had time or energy for at the time.
We had a family celebration a few days later, and invited grandparents, and many of the friends who had been such great helpers during the first year. It was nice to take pictures of the kids, and celebrate the "happy ending" to our story. The kids didn't really enjoy having all those noisy people around though, and were happier when we got back to our usual rut, I mean routine!
I'm happy to report that later birthdays have been much happier celebrations for me, and have become more focussed on the kids themselves, the way it's "supposed" to be.
Now we're approaching their 5th birthday, which seems quite impossible! And my only worries are about where to find cheap party invitations, will they all agree on the same "theme" for decorations and cake, and how many kids and adults to invite. Nice normal problems, at last. Wishing you many years of the same.
Sheila
mom to Katie, Maggie and Robbie (TC member)
Posted by: SheilaC | February 23, 2005 at 06:58 AM
Hi Tess,
Happy Birthday! I'm here in Michigan thinking of you. You have had one trying year, but your still standing!! Give kisses around to your babes from all of us, and a great big hug to you and Charles. You are an inspiration to many. "That which does not break us makes us stronger"...who said that? Is it really true?
Posted by: Jeanne | February 23, 2005 at 07:09 AM
Happy birthday to the beautiful (and handsome) trio!!! It’s okay to feel blue when thinking about the turn of events that caused your trips to be born early- because I know and everyone else knows that you realize what a miracle they are. You’re realistic- nothing to be ashamed of there. I cannot wait to hear your story- will be waiting impatiently!
Posted by: Trish | February 23, 2005 at 07:11 AM
Hi Tess,
Wishing the Terrific Trio a wonderful first birthday. What a year it has been for the family and you have all come through it so well. Sending lots of hugs and good wishes, and hoping that both you and Sela feel well soon.
love Alex, Paul & Ryan
Posted by: Alex Crossing | February 23, 2005 at 03:15 PM