coming home was wonderful. the babies were awake and climbing over each other and various toys when we burst in the door. sebastian and i immediately reached for a baby and while i held one he stroked their faces and told them "hello!" i think carys (owner of one tooth) was the first i held, and sela (who was furthest away) just hustled right over (slap! slap! slap!) and climbed up my outfit so she could get in on the loving. jasper drooled and grinned. and...he has one tooth! bottom left for those who are keeping track.

no rest for the very weary...the babies had a 10.30am doctors appointment. we managed to convince sebastian that he shouldn't come with us and took all three over to the so familiar waiting room. they were weighed and jasper and sela are about 1.5 pounds apart from each other, weighing in at around 19 lbs and 20.5 lbs. little carys is about 15 pounds. we really do feed her just as much as we feed the others, and she is definitely the best FOOD eater, but she is like my mum and brother, i suspect, just of a different build. she'll be the little girl at the ballet recital whose leotards are bagging at the knees and crotch, and who at 16 is all thin legs and litheness. (a new word i have created in honour of carys).

young jasper, who is technically 10 months old, is now wearing shirts for children 12-18 months old. maybe old navy stuff just fits small? he is so good humoured. he and sela are talking together all the time. charles walked into their room yesterday and found sela standing up in her crib staring over at jasper, jabbering away. i think we might have to put a curtain or something between them, because their room doesn't resemble a hospital ward enough already.

other changes, the babies are certainly more possessive. of me, and their toys. we gave jasper a sippy cup full of water and carys motored over to him to have a look, and he just shifted his (considerable) body so that she could not reach his drink. same with toys now. the yanking back and forth is fun to observe.

poor carys had to get blood tests yesterday to check her hormone levels. poor little poppet.of course the first time they couldn't get a vein, and so they had to try again. try explaining that to a one year old.

she also had to get an x-ray, to determine her growth pattern. the doctors are a little concerned.

after returning from the doctors, sebastian walked up to me and said, "i would like to take a nap please" and so i put him down. at 2.30pm i woke him up for playsport and he kept saying, Please mummy, i want to go back to bed. so, back to bed it was for him.

i can't tell you how he managed for the rest of the day, because after i woke him up at 4pm, i went to lie down for a bit. and woke up at 3am. a good sleep.

quick health update: things are not good. the plane ride did not agree with me, and i had a tough time in toronto. thank God for good friends who don't mind being interrupted at all hours to save my hide. as a result, i am now on the fat drug again. i weighed myself at the workout room the DAY i started the drug...and it was respectable. three days later, i was 10 pounds heavier. and it kept going. now, no stranger to destructive behaviour, i didn't eat brilliantly, but nothing to justify this weight gain.

so i am unhappy.

1) that i am so shallow (mentally! physically, nothing shallow about me!)
2) that this is happening, that i have the uncertainty back in my life.
3) that i dkn't know why this is happening and that no doctor can tell me.

is it time to start a new drug? what would be such a huge undertaking. and more uncertainty. but when i think about it, things aren't too stable right now, and i am getting fat to boot. big choices on the horizon. 

but on the good side, i am home again and i could tell sebastian with all sincerity: darling, the next time you get on a plane, the babies will be with you. what a nice promise!

Comments

[knobody]

welcome home! i'm glad you had a nice vacation and an even nicer homecoming.

wish i knew something about weight gain, other than how to do it.

[mollyv]

Hey girl - so glad you are home. Totally hear you on the no rest for the weary thing! I hate it when people tell me, "you have a lot on your plate" (meaning stress) because I think, there is nothing I can do about it! But, YOU do have quite a lot on your plate as well,my friend. Maybe that is having an effect on you? My life has resulted in high blood pressure for me, and I think I handle my stress brilliantly! Sorry about the weight gain. Def. the medicine. I am fighting like mad to get mine off of me. What a slow process.

Anyway, glad you are back. Take care of YOURSELF, now, please.

love to you,
Molly

[Cricket]

What a great greeting home. Love the teefers!

Too bad it was followed by another visit to the dr.

Also too bad about your health. I'm bipolar, so have been on MANY of the same drugs as you, I'm sure. They suck, one after the other, adding poundage or other awful side effects. I probably have 60 extra pounds from meds, very unfair considering that I did nothing to deserve it. I remember going on one med to assist with sleep (I found it impossible to sleep more than 2-3 hours after my son was even a year old - he had me trained well) and I went back on a med ot sleep that I knew would cost me 30 lbs again, but I was so desperate. It did gain. The divorce came not long afterwards. Your hubby is much better than mine was. But even the most understanding people have no clue when weight gain is due to meds and not due to overeating - and how those prone to weight gain from meds either prolong starting on those otherwide helpful meds out of fear or one says the hell with it,I have to get better and people ought to understand, even when they don't.

Sorry for the rant - I understand and you really touched on a nerve!

[Maggaggie]

Hi Tess, glad you are back! I'm sorry to hear about the medication. We've talked offline about this-and I know exactly how you are feeling.

I had to swallow my pride this past weekend and make a trip back to the doc because I wasn't able to deal with things.

Hang in there-we will all make it through!

[Auntie Pammie]

Ok, I am going to try to not sound biased, but Tess you are a KNOCKOUT+++ and I have always raved about how beautiful and incredible you are.

We both have had stages in our lives when we were "God forbid", larger than a size 7. We both (especially you) have always looked incredible no matter what our body sizes were.

Please do not dwell on the negative impact of the medications, its the positives that count! Thats my two cents.

Love you lots ( from your NON size 7 sister)
Auntie P xoxo

[Lioness]

Tess dahling, welcome back! How lovely to read you again. Sebastian and the babies sound so... bigger! Must be a thrill and a shock. I'm sorry you're not well, sorry the meds don't seem to be working fully, and so sorry abt the weight gain. Sucks rock doesn't it. I wish I could help.

Your sister is right though, you are absolutely gorgeous. Not that you'll believe me but I have a fabulous eyeometre so I KNOW. And there you have it.

[dad]

Tessie , my weight has varied 67 lbs so it is just a case of getting clothes for all seasons and sizes. You must have noted that mum gets 10% of the closet space and I get 90%.

Regards , Dad
PS love Dad

[Trish]

Awww, I'm so glad you are home, but sorry that you are worried about your health! The uncertainty of it all must be extremely worrisome!