FIVE

recently, my friend's 46-year old uncle died suddenly. her blog tells of how this uncle will forever hold a special place in her heart because he so sincerely welcomed her into the family when she got married.

becoming an ally to a girl meeting her boyfriend's family for the first time.... there is no better way to win eternal loyalty.

i remember meeting my in-laws for the first time. mc and i had gone to yellowknife first, it had been a huge success. my parents knew we were headed towards an engagement and both had given me their approval. dad gave us some advice about love, which he couldn't have done if he didn't like charles for me. and then, if he and my brother didn't like and trust magnificent charles, they wouldn't have made the jokes about me that they did! my sisters would hug him, ask his opinion on clothes and careers, my mother would smile and hug him often.

swarmed with hugs, mcharles occasionally got a look in his eyes. i asked him about it, and he explained,

i am not used to this. it is overwhelming at times.

the excellent book THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES talks about how people communicate their love, and how if they are "speaking" a language we don't understand, we don't realise they are telling us of their love.

i was so nervous to meet magnificent charles' family. he was freshly separated, and here was i, his internet girlfriend. i had been introduced to many boyfriend's families and had passed inspection, but i knew i was going to marry magnificent.  i wanted family to be as important to him as it was to me, and seeing how much my parents appreciated his emails to them, he encouraged me to start emailing his family members. he told me about his sisters, his parents, the memories.

i did email his family previous to meeting them, so they weren't complete strangers to me when we met face to face. but i so wanted to feel approval, and i undoubtedly tried too hard. (one of the good things of having a very hazy short term memory is that some memories i'd rather forget i actually have forgotten!!) but i wasn't sure of the response. it wasn't my family, or any of the families i had grown up with and could read. a slightly different generation, and i was adrift.

the first night i met charles' entire family, i had embarrassed myself, after i failed to pick up on a family communication method they used. if you asked them today what i missed...they wouldn't know, but i can remember that incident very very well! and how my face burned afterwards. after the dinner, my brother in law asked me to help him dry the dishes. just the two of us, he kept the conversation light and easy. a classy gesture from a classy fellow.

we never know when we are going to make immediate eternal impacts on others. i recently read the book THE FIVE PEOPLE YOU MEET IN HEAVEN, which suggests that as well.

do i still speak my language to magnificent's family? absolutely. do i still expect them to respond in my language? no. that would be like them expecting me to speak theirs.

and i am getting better at interpreting.

and i have slowed down my speech.

i love being in my 30's.

amen.

Comments

[Louise]

Strange how families take on their own form of communication. We use humour alot, and I could see some of my daughter's friends giving us weird looks when they were first coming over. Now, they just join in with us. Love the photos of your little pieces...