do the right thing

this entry was written two weeks ago:

today i contacted embryos alive. why? because we have frozen blastocysts and embryos, and they need a family. so we are finding them one.

i feel very emotional, but very certain that GOD will lead us to the right couple. we have been praying for this couple since 2003, as has our small group!

we have been blasted as reckless for having more eggs fertilized than we needed, and have had many other names thrown at us. we have condemned ourselves as well...and i dont need to defend the decisions we have made.

i would love to hear your thoughts, but please be gentle. we making the right decision, we KNOW God will honour our desire to do the right thing, but doing the right thing isn't always easy.

we don't need luck, but we do need support. thank you.

Comments

[Elaine]

Dear Tess, you know that you have our support & our prayers but as I read again this morning about unused embryos being discarded or used for stem cell research, my admiration for you grew. Choosing life for your unborn children & prayerfully seeking the best family for them is so right!

[Linda]

We have 4 frozen embryos (and twin girls) and are undecided about what to do. Either we'll do FETs with 1 embryo at a time and try for a 3rd child or we'll do an embryo adoption. People have had mixed reactions to this. There's seems to be a lot of concensus that we're giving away our children, but it doesn't feel like that. It feels like we'd be helping out another infertile couple.

[Auntie Pammie]

Tess,
you have my undying support! I am always here for you.....
Love you , Auntie Pammie xoxo

[Karen]

Tess,

I admire what you and Magnificent are doing. We are faced with the same situation...triplets that are 2 1/2 yrs old and a newborn. I pray we have as much strength as you and your dh when the time arrives to donate our babies. Take care and many hugs to you, your dh and your sweet kids.

K

[Amber]

One week passed my 17 week pregnancy loss, I commend you on your courage & desire to do the right thing. May God lead you where He wants you to go, and may you follow willingly.

[Valarie]

Tess - whatever decision you and your dh make will be the right decision. Frozen embryos have, in my opinion, the potential to help cure diseases, aid a family desperate for children or help continue valuable scientific research. Unlike yourself and most of your friends and family who leave comments on your blog, I am not a religious person. I am however, a sensitive, honest, inteligent, moral person who would never EVER judge another person on such a delicate, personal decision. I wish your and your dh the best of luck!!! Sincerely, a frequent lurker, who admires your writing/sory telling abilities, Valarie (from the TTC site)

[sheilah]

This is a Good Thing you are doing. There are many couples who would love to use these donated embroyos to help create their family.

Hopefully they will work and a new family will be born.

[Lala]

I think that's beautiful gift to offer to another couple. I wish I could have your children.

[Kara]

"For God SO loved the world that he GAVE his only begotten Son."

What you and Charles are considering are gifts of Heaven. Not easy to do but truely a Heavenly mission. You are blessed in this mission and will be blessing others with your gifts of Heaven.

In His name,Amen.

[Dooneybug]

You and your husband are doing a beautiful thing by helping a couple have the child they've always wanted. I'm sure emotionally you are awestruck in thinking that you are helping a fellow infertile couple by giving them their greatest desire which you and your husband have struggled to obtain. There couldn't be a greater gift.

[Mum aka Mo aka Maureen]

I so admire your respect for life. I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you both. You have my total support. God bless you and Charles and may He lead and direct you as you seek a couple.

Love, M xox

[Trish]

I think you are doing the absolute right thing for you and Magnificent. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. Why is it noble to birth a child and give it up for adoption and yet so many people get squeamish over embryo donation (sorry if that isn't the right term)? It makes no sense to me, to be honest.

You are giving another couple the CHANCE at having a baby and that's a wonderful, sweet thing for you to do.

[Trinie]

Tess,

You both have our support and prayers as you try to find a couple for your embryos.

Love you so much

[buggy]

I think you are doing a great thing, and in my opinion a very hard and selfless act. Imagine the joy you will bring into someone's life.

[Louise]

Tess, may you find the perfect couple to donate your embryos to. What a unselfish decision, to give another couple not only the gift of a baby, but a gift of experiencing the pregnancy, the nine month anticipation. I understand the emotional issues, even though you haven't carried the baby(ies), they are still part of you and MC. My prayers to you, and to the couple that you choose.

[lynsey]

Tess...you know how I feel...I hope that you feel supported right now!!! You are doing the right thing..and I know that this will be a hard decsion...go with your gut...go with the couple you feel is the most loving, most down to earth, most like what you like to see in a parent!!!! There is only one thing that matters for parenting...its not their porfolio...its not what schools they have contacts at...its love...are they loving, are they going to love this baby well...you'll know who to pick when the time is right!!! God is that good!!!
xolyns

[Brandy]

I admire both of you for doing this. YOu are both wonderful people. I give you all my support.

[Minna]

Tess,

you have my support. I understand how difficult this decision has been for you and MC, having been through the emotionally and physically hard infertility treatments. I donated my eggs a few years ago, and now my husband and I are suffering from infertility (male factor & PCOS). It has been a hard bite to chew. However, I have never thought of the children that developed from my donor eggs as *my* own. They already have parents, the people who are raising them. My uncle has two adopted sons, and even if he and his wife have no genetic link to their boys, they are the only parents those boys have ever known. Parenthood is so much more than genetics.

You have a heart in the right place. Not only are you helping another infertile couple, you are also helping the future children born from your embryos and blasts by trying to find the right parents for them.

[Lioness]

Oh God Tess, what a terribly generous thing to do! I may yet change my mind abt it in the future but I don't think I could, and it shames me at times. I know I'd probably go w stem cell research. You and MC do what absolutely feels right to you.

[Shamrock]

Tess,
I'm so glad that you are doing this and that you are talking about it on your blog. We have a 4 year old via embryo donation. I am so thankful that my donors made the choice to help another couple. I hope this post raises awareness among others who have embryos about the potential to donate them to another couple having fertility problems. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being brave enough to talk about it.