the profiles began rolling in today....
the first one i read, i was CERTAIN they were the couple. until i read the second profile. and then i wanted them. but then the third profile arrived, and they were wonderful as well.
you see these pictures of lovely couples, and you read of the heartache they have encountered on their journey to parenthood. miscarriages, stillbirths, multiple failed IVF's, corrective surgeries gone wrong.
how can we say NO to these people? i am looking at the telephone, wishing that i could call my re, do a quick cycle and get some more frozens. help everyone.
how unfair is it that couples have to politic themselves to us through a letter. choose us, please, here is why. it is so unfair...that their probably last opportunity to be parents comes through a letter.
just as fair as $10,000 worth of infertility medicine, ultrasounds, bloods, uterine lining checks, follicle retrieval, egg fertilization, embryo division, embryo or blastocyst transfer meets a temporary end when blood is drawn and analysed for the presence of HCG. it all comes down to a blood test.
and these letters. look at it objectively. would anyone pick charles and i to be adoptive parents? that the mum has epilepsy and the father travels a great deal and has been married before? how could i write a letter that could look past our "flaws" and convince a couple that we would be wonderful parents? i'd have a tough enough time using capital letters!
it is so difficult to choose the couple without knowing or knowing of them. what does a home study tell you? not a lot when you think of the numbers of families who have passed home studies who are later arrested for cruelty to children. genetic parents don't need homestudies...should adoptive parents?
other issues: money, religion, ages, hobbies.
how important is appearance? when all you're going on is photographs and the letter...you spend a lot of time looking at the photos. checking smiles. wondering if you're imagining sorrow beneath their smiles, because you remember when you were recovering from a negative blood test, you felt your smiles never quite reached your eyes.
what if they are overweight? i've had my chunky monkey phases (rubenesque, shall we say), so if a couple has weight issues should i discount them? hypocrisy in the finest.
the vortex has begun. magnificent came up with the suggestion that we give the first eight "applicants" one embryo. that way we were helping everyone a little bit. not going to happen.
this is all about trust. we know that. we know God will help us make the right decision. our small group started praying for these parents about two years ago. we just have to trust.
I'm in awe of your decision to help a couple achieve the family they've longed for in their hearts and souls.
Wanting a baby more than one could imagine, and then not being able to answer that dream, whether from IF, circumstance, finacial hardship, or forces that we have yet to come to understand is a tough life situation for anyone - we know from our own histories, don't we?
Then to have to open one's heart and put pen to paper in order to show another couple why you are the best choice would be something that would feel raw and difficult to be authentic.
Do you mention the warts in your lives? Do you mention the lengths you've gone to? Do you paint the picture of bleakness that comes before the realization that embryo adoption is your best choice? How do you tell your story without sounding pathetic or excessively boastful? How do you capture that innocence in your relationship that brought you together and to want to start your own family?
I mean, it is as if it is the ultimate "job" interview, isn't it?
I cannot fathom how much it must open the door to the days in your own lives that you've thankfully moved past. Not forgetten, for certain, but have forgiven yourselves for having had to experience and endure.
I truly admire the two of you. The couple(s) that you ultimately move forward with will be so very blessed to have you as a part of their lives. Very fortunate indeed.
Could you have imagined a situation like this coming to be your own reality when you were working to bring Seb, or Jasper, or Sela, or Carys into the world?
God works in mysterious ways. I'm glad you have that strength of faith to guide you through this to the right couple(s).
And I'm so proud of you.
Posted by: Boulder | May 26, 2005 at 08:02 PM
You got the right idea...trust...it will all come together in God's timing....you guys rock!!!!
xo lyns
Posted by: lyns | May 26, 2005 at 09:25 PM
You will know the right couple when it is time. I know that is hard, but it will happen.
Posted by: Brandy | May 26, 2005 at 11:34 PM
Re: movie posts…LOVED Bulworth, The Royal Tenenbaums. Of course, you know I love Groundhog's Day. Unfortunately, with my current issues, that has become my life every day. I need to find the cure like Bill Murray did. Re: Virus…I hope it wasn't me. I have been having PC problems and waiting for my hubby to fix. Re: affection from the trips. While I don't appreciate the fingers in my mouth or nose, or my daughter extracting a "present" from her own nose and wiping on my cheek, I do love the way she needs to be near me. In the midst of playing, she'll come to me for a quick hug. Or when we're snuggling and she will caress my arm. I love that she loves me. Re: Embryos. You have my support. I think what you are doing is wonderful.
Posted by: Maggaggie | May 27, 2005 at 01:08 AM
You'll choose the right parents, just the fact that those embryos have the chance to become alive is more of a blessing than many are given.
Posted by: Leann | May 27, 2005 at 04:53 AM
Thank you for sharing this experience. I have 13 month old b/g twins and 14 frozen embryos. We have talked about embryo adoption in the event we decide not to have anymore children, or have some leftover embies after another pregnancy.
I wish you the best as you make your decision and appreciate your sharing this with us, the internet. :D
Posted by: Kristin | May 27, 2005 at 11:32 AM
i believe that you will know in your heart when the right couple comes along. i can imagine how hard it is for you, but like you say - God will show u the way.
Supporting u all the way from South Africa.
Posted by: Sheena | May 27, 2005 at 04:53 PM
I've adopted traditionally twice. My children's birthparents said they just knew when they read our profiles. They read 31 other letters first. We clicked, we were like them, we were the kind of parents they wanted to be. I hope someone clicks with you and charles. You are very generous to help someone become a family. Truly, I hope this turns out as wonderful for you as it did for us.
Posted by: Lisa V | May 29, 2005 at 08:01 AM