is it just me going bonkers, or did two of my posts vanish?

various approaches to take to this realisation:

self confidence doubt: why my posts? were they so bad elvis the internet king removed them?

relationship doubt: did magnificent charles? is he angry with me? (given the fact that i am at home right now while HE is at the birthday party with sebastian, this is a possible option.) but would he pull a blog? did i ever really know him?

sanity doubt: am i losing my mind? maybe i never even posted.

enough of this, i have some catching up to do.

this is infuriating. now i have to write trying to recall what i wrote earlier which ensures it will be second rate no matter how i write it.

i will write this down before i forget it...my next blog will be on movies i loved/appreciated and everyone around me only tolerated.

but first...today's topic which was also friday's topic. (!) (ANGRY!)

when i was a little girl, we had a globe that i think my dad got free when he signed up to national geographic magazine. i used to turn the globe around, and look at names. intriguing names. places that i would decide i had to visit. the m's (minsk, mandalay, marrakesh, morocco) tended to be my favourites, but there were so many others....and while we're on the topic..how many san jose's can one globe hold? (plenty). how can anyone know the way to san jose when there are so many of them dotted around the place.

finally, later than most, i started travelling. and here are some images i will always remember, whether i lived there or travelled there.

NORTHERN LIGHTS - the tale says, whistle and they'll come to you. It is worth the pain to put your tongue to your chapped lips and moisten them, so you can whistle. although the lights never stand still, while staring up at the blackened sky you do feel they are approaching you. green, pink, silvery-yellow, blue-ish...the northern lights are stunning. you lose out if you are standing inside while watching the lights...you need to be outdoors in the minus forty weather, with stinging face and tearing eyes to watch the shimmering lights dance across the sky.

THE UAE - we spent the millenium camping in the UAE. we had driven for a while, and NOT gotten stuck thanks to fantastic R&W driving abilities. rolling ruddy-gold hills, the blazing sun overhead. we stopped and set up camp. looked on a map and realised we were in oman. a uae wadi looks pretty similar to a oman wadi. there was nothing but the hills and scrubby bush nearby, yet at the appropriate time, when it was call to prayer, we heard it. we were that close to a place of worship, just as the mandates of islam demand. we watched the last sunset of the millenium slide beneath a hill, sat back and watched the stars, realising that at the last millenium party, people were living in tents and watching the stars as well.

MONTEVERDE RAIN FOREST - standing in the rain forest, you check your watch which has condensation building up under the glass face, and even though it is in the middle of the afternoon, you have to squint, because it is dusky. the canopy overhead, the determined leaves, subsidiary trees and branches entwined tightly around each other have shut out the light. you feel like you are breathing under a blanket, and in reality, you are. nature's blanket.

INDIA'S TRAIN STATIONS - first off, i travelled throughout india by train by myself and never felt unsafe. but the train stations. packed with bodies who obviously lived there permanently. how they were sitting there fanning themselves, waiting for dusk, that two hour respite in their day, nestled between the nailing heat of the day and the evening, when chill creeps between the fibres of their threadbare blankets. i remember how the look in their eyes didn't change when i gave them money, and how i realised the money i was giving them wouldn't really change their lives, maybe only how full their stomachs were at the end of the day. i remember the people i hadn't given money to, pulling at my clothes and arms.

MOUNT EVEREST - i was so stupid. i believed that mount everest would be standing there, alone in the horizon, standing tall and majestic. so what a surprise to be in a wiggy waggy six seater plane at 6am and have the tour guide say, and over to your left is mount everest. excuse me? could you be a little more precise? there were many mountains, all tall, all daunting, all looking like they could capture the ambition and dreams of many. i did not suspect that mount everest would actually fade into its surroundings. was i disappointed that i didn't immediately recognise everest? no, it was better that way. mythology would agree...it is safer when it is kept with its own.

SEA TURTLES - we were in the maldives, snorkelling, and a sea turtle lazily swam by. according to our guide, he was easily over 150 years old. the turtle actually resembled albert einstein, folded eyes, a slight smile, a wrinkled neck and a slightly unkempt appearance. and he kept flapping along and smiling, surrounded by a few of his (probable) relatives.

THE TAJ MAHAL - what a testament to love. intricate excellence. i wonder how the shah jahran's other wives felt, or if they even cared.

THE GREAT WALL - it began as independent walls for different states when it was first started in 7BC, became one unified building two dynasties later in 8BC. it was built as a defensive structure. it stretches for about 6,700 kilometres at a height of 10 metres and a width of 5 metres. how did they do it? how did they know the angles, weights and balances without computers and textbooks and "advisors"? how many lives did it cost? and you cant help but look at the steep mountain the wall rests on and wonder, wasn't nature enough to keep out the bad guys? i was releived to know the wall was not just a folly, but was imparative in keeping nomadic tribes out. could you commit to a cause for not only your lifetime, but your child's as well? there are bodies buried in that wall. bodies that didn't die during battle, but while painstakingly involved in this pursuit of protection.

CHINA BEACH - walking down that silent expanse of wide beach, you notice colours. white sand, green and beige trees, the blue blue water. impossible to fathom how much red blood has sank into the sand, seeped into the water, was splattered against those trees.

TIANANMEN SQUARE - it is larger than you think, and gives away nothing of the horror it hosted, the dreams of democracy that so briefly shone. located in a bustling area of beijing, the square has a quietness about it. not just tourists speak in hushed voices while walking across the square, it is an eerily silent place.

STATUE OF LIBERTY - call me a cliche. i don't care. i went to ellis island and spent a whole day there, flipping through books, listening to the guides talk. hating how the building was filling with people, trying to imagine the crowded conditions on the boat bringing me over to this new world, how parents must have felt when thier children died en route, the guilt ("should we have waited until he was better?) and the agony of throwing that lifeless body overboard. imagining being turned away because of a cough and fever, while my family was shuttled into this new world. how the seasickness, vermin, sorrow and discomfort must have given way to hope, then the first sighting of the lady was made.

the statue reads:

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me.
I lift my lamp beside the golden door."

wow.

THE HANDOVER - magnificent and i were completely in agreeance that hong kong should be handed back to the chinese in 1997. but we found ourselves emotional during the handover. the day the governor left his residence for the last time, we were there. the streets were packed and policemen pushed back throngs of journo's and citizens alike. by walking into hong kong botanical gardens and sliding down the embankment, charles and i landed a fantastic view of patten leaving his home, and were surprised at how emotional we felt. there was excitement about the handover, but there was an undercurrent of sadness. later that night, on top of the pedder building, overlooking chater square, and another party held on the roof of the mandarin oriental, as the clock approached midnight, as if there was a choir director, voices on the streets below, opposite to and across from us began singing GOD SAVE THE QUEEN. 150 years of rule, and then to leave. as they should, but my goodness. later that night, we were walking home (it seemed everyone was walking home that night, taxis were impossible to get), passing couples in formal wear, excited locals, and intoxicated partyiers (what are we celebrating?), we kept hearing the same song over and over again. we would walk a block, and a couple walking towards us would be singing it, a few people ahead of us on the stairs by the escalators were humming it. and forever, when i remember back to the handover, i hear:

Should auld acquaintance be forgot
and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
and days of auld lang syne?
For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne

Comments

[Boulder]

You captured my spirit of adventure with your words.

I too remember being a little girl with a globe. I loved to spin it, read the country and city names, and think of who must live where.

My father travelled the world as I grew up and I'd receive packages from far away places and think I was so loved and special. The Canary Islands seemed so far away and sounded such a lovely place from my father's notes and the little spots in the ocean away from me.

Our next door neighbors as a child had befriended my family and we their's. Two doctors who had lost their only son as a toddler, who eagerly took my mom & dad as their own "kids" and my brothers and me as their grand children. These two travelled more places than anyone I've ever known. And with each trip, I'd receive a post card from an exotic outpost in the world & I'd relish the photo and the stamp and news of their trip and return. And I was the fortunate recipient of many wonderful gifts as well. Dolls, and slippers, and silkworms, and castanets. So many thoughtful and loving notes and selections.

You took me back to places I hadn't thought of in years & people that I love and miss.

Thank you.

[Mum aka Mo aka Maureen]

Great blog, honey. I was right there with you :-) Won't it be interesting as the years go by and you visit more places to see how "The List of Best Images Remembered" shifts. Maybe it won't, who knows?!

Love you, darling.

M xox

[Auntie Pammie]

Hey T,
I will one day share my favs with you , or we can do that this summer while laying on the dock one day ( maybe Mr. L will join us?)
NO, you were not hallucinating, I thought I was , yesterday while at work, I wanted to read your latest blog and 2 days had dissapeared. Aggghhh the joys and anguishes of the internet.
Have a great day, its a long weekend here, but i am working ( as ususal).
One of my most memorable times was standing inside the reunificaiton palace overlooking the hustle and bustle of downtown Saigon and realizing that spot is where it all came to an end. Or crawling through those tunnels in CuChi... I must do that again.
Over and out for now.
Auntie P

[Louise]

I haven't travelled much outside Canada, but have travelled extensively inside Canada.

My all-time favourite is being in the middle of a summer thunderstorm in the Laurentian mountains in Quebec, the thunder rumbling down the mountains. I spent a couple summers in Quebec in my pre-teen years, still remember the sound.

I noticed your posts were missing as well. I guess the internet ghosts are playing games with you.

[Laura]

You have been to amazing places my friend! ANd your descriptions are even better........

[Dad]

Somewhat shocked that Iqaluit and Inuvik were not mentioned.Wha Ti rates mention.
Ms. Simpson asked me to raise those concerns.