some deep holiday monday observations:

1) CONFIRMATION OF THE HYPOCRISY OF TESS : i don't believe in buddha but i am happy that charles gets a day off to celebrate his birthday

2) not everyone has triplets.. between:

wiping (bottoms or floors)
singing (at music class or trying to distract them in the crucial seconds before they  projectile vomit)
reading (labels of medication trying to determine which will put them to sleep for the longest or sandra boynton books
playing (with the ends of my hair in a distracted fashion or with the triplets)
clapping (yay! they're asleep or with their tiny hands while they sit in my lap)

i spend a goodly amount of time with sebastian, jasper, sela and carys. you might say i am used to them. (good thing because their one year warranty is expiring on june 1). but people who don't spend a lot time with us (strangers at park n shop, acquaintances, people in various groups, believe me, the list does go on) are not used to them. it seems strange to get all this attention because for me, this is my life. and i don't see it as extra-ordinary!

3) the same people unfamiliar with the triplet lifestyle do not mean to offend when they comment:
- so did you use fertility drugs
- are they natural
- triplets? i'd kill myself
- better you than me

fellow MOMS (mums of multiples) have differing ways of handling the queries:

so did you use fertility drugs?

(challenge them) - why do you want to know?
(turn it around) - oh, you can't get pregnant?
(rise above it) - ignore it
(answer) - yes. (this of course can lead to the interesting follow up question, "well who had the problem, you or your husband?"
(get creative) - no, i was involved with three different men at the time (biologically not a correct answer, but it is a guaranteed way to ensure that you are no longer known as "the woman with triplets." you've got a new reputation!)

are they natural? (they want to know the same as above, but are wording it differently)

(challenge them) - what do you mean?
(be sarcastic) - no, they're plastic
(be joky) - oh you mean like organic. no, i ate processed food, and even white bread the entire pregnancy. i feel bad about it now, but you know cravings.
(rise above it) - ignore it

triplets? i'd kill myself

(challenge them) - no, after a while, it just seems normal. because it is your world
(sarcastic) - you don't have to have triplets to kill yourself
(nice) - not sure, never been nice when answering this comment

better you than me

(challenge them) - what on earth are you suggesting?
(sarcastic) - isn't that the truth...my kids think so too, and don't even get my husband started on the topic of you. tres unflattering
(let's be hurtful) - you're right, your body just LOOKS like it's been through a triplet pregnancy. at least i got the babies!!!
(nice) - not sure, never been nice when responding to this comment.

now, i have never used this one.

but i am really tempted.

the next time i get a really agressive woman pushing a pram who says,

"fertility drugs are the reason you got triplets" (in a very snotty manner),

to look at her child and respond, (sweetly with a touch of concern),

oh, you and your husband being unattractive, that's the reason your child is ugly.

NOW

you know i never will, but i need to smile about something during those vomit wipes or while i am singing "quack, quack quack quack cockadoodle do" for the 12th consectutive time in order to prevent a carys spew.

would love to hear any other brilliant responses or questions.
merci.

Comments

[maia]

I got all those and more with twins. Cannot imagine the attention you get with triplets!

[Lioness]

Ooooh, never ask someone w visible psoriasis for more replies bcs The Bitch awakens in a fury! (go here for my finest moment: http://lioness-pride.blogspot.com/2004/12/you-are-not-to.html)(actually sometimes I feel bad abt it)

But sadly, you don't really need my help. How abt,

- triplets? i'd kill myself - I wish you would

That's all. I really am at a loss, you're too good.

But really, the way I see it, we only have to put up w so much. People should know better. After a certain level of rudeness you're allowed to be a bit nasty yourself.

And re the three men reply, an Italian woman actually got pregnant while 3-months pregnant. Not sure if it was by another man though - but very said, the youngest baby wouldn't be viable and they had to reduce the pregnancy. So theoretically... it's a longshot but not completely impossible.

[knobody]

how about:

triplets run in my family. does being a bitch run in yours?

doctors now know that about 1 in 3 pregnancies started as multiples. so, you likely did have twins or triplets, but you weren't good enough to keep them all. (bitter, party of one, my table is ready.)

of course we used fertility drugs. those green m&m's are powerful stuff!

what? you mean where you come from people only have one at a time? must make it take FOREVER to get through the childbearing years. i guess that's why you look so old.

okay, that's all i can come up with on the spurr of the moment. it's early and my true evilness has yet to awaken (probably still sleeping, along with the babe who insisted on waking up four times last night). also, biologically, there's no reason why three eggs can't be fertilized by sperm from three different men. cats do it all the time.

[Lyns]

Geez...some people are just so stupid..Not you..but the people who acutally say these things and expect a nice reponse... Where I come from its no bodies busness if you used fertility.
We think that you should always respond with equal amounts of utter distain to those who are even asking. To quote that great family show of the 80's...."How Rude"....
Instead people should be saying..."wow you are an amazing woman"..."God has blessed you so much!!!: "you must be tired..is there anything I can do to help you.... " Positive things, graceful things, nice things. I don't know..that's just me...

[Brandy]

When people tell me that they are glad it is me and not them, I have been known to say "so you want to lose a child?" You know B&D are surviving triplets. It makes me so mad. When people get too much into my business and be rude about it, I just tell them that I am glad the boys are here because they beat all odds to get here. My cousins are twins so I tell people I have twin cousins and they never say anything about fertility. My biggest problem is Blane's hearing aids. I actually had a man ask me last week are those hearing aids on that baby. I said no, it is jewelry. How is it so hard to believe a baby has hearing problems???

[Brandy]

I forgot to add that last week in the mall an older lady made the comment "they sure are close in age." I told her they were only three months difference in age. She thought about it and said okay. They other people standing around started laughing after she walked off. Some people just don't think about things. If it were me and someone was rude about the situation, I would be rude back.

[Friend]

Sometimes a simple "my kids and I agree" - to the better you than me comment - works wonders (and it's the truth.)

[Dooneybug]

Tess - you are hilarious! Some people are just tacky. I love your comebacks and I think any of them would be acceptable.

[Maggaggie]

Don't believe in Buddha? Meaning, you don't see him as a God or don't believe he existed? Just curious. That's pretty cool to have a day off for it. I was just invited to Buddha's Birthday party here at the monastery, but we'll be on vacation.

I have found a singing a great distratcting tool when a temper tantrum surfaces. But sometimes, making farm animal noises just doesn't cut it.

Glad to see you're having fun coming up with witty responses. Here's a few I came up with:
Are they natural? -"Do they look like implants?" Then give a sideways pose and show off your chest.
Now, my daughter was not even five pounds at birth-I know you can relate on this. My favorite questions: what's wrong with her-what did you do? "Oh, you know, I smoked crack, drank like a fish, you know. All the things that would stunt her growth."

Why not, "Fruit salad, yummy yummy…" That's a fave in our home. : )

[SheilaC]

When asked "are they twins?" or "are they triplets?" I respond "Yes, we have been so blessed!" with a big smile. That seems to send the conversation in a positive direction right away. Even if they say "you have your hands full" it's in a friendly, admiring way.

I've never had any of those really awful comments. Frequently get asked about fertility treatments. I sometimes answer "yes we had some medical help" or sometimes just say "we hit the jackpot" which doesn't mean anything, but still shows how we appreciate our good fortune. Some people ask this because they have experience with infertility too. Then I don't mind sharing.

The attention is a lot less once the babes are out of the triple stroller or triple wagon, running in different directions. Sometimes I miss it!

In the good old days I would take them out for a stroller walk when I was having a bad day, and always collected positive comments, and felt better. Sometimes it's nice to get applause just for showing up, and sometimes it helps to be reminded how lucky I am, if I'm feeling grumpy.

I used to sing whatever songs had the most verses: Old MacDonald, I know and old lady who swallowed a ... Anything to keep them from crying during meal times! But the Wiggles are much more fun!

Hope you are getting some sleep now!
Best wishes,
Sheila

[elin]

One woman said to me when they were small, "Are they regular or a miracle?" Same question you've heard a million times but worded in an especially stupid way!!!

What is wrong with people?

[Marianne]

Hello,

My twin girls are 3. One is about 1-1/2 inches taller than the other and has alot more hair.

We get alot of comments like "Wow, they are really close in age." I really want to say, "Yeah, I know, I couldn't keep my husband off me. Naughty boy." Obviously, I just don't have the guts and I suppose it's not appropriate in front of the kids.

Take care,
Marianne

[Peggy]

Oh Tess. I hear ya. Know what a man said to me? Walking down the street with my girls in the triplet stroller, he said "your husband shoulda used CONDOMS!" Can you imagine?!! In front of the kids!!!

To the fertility drug question, I laugh and say "We were STUNNED to find out it was triplets!" - that usually shuts them up. It's a non-answer, but true. I have also said this at dinner parties - one where a very nice older (late 60's) woman asked me if I used fertility drugs. I smiled sweetly and confidentially and said, "You know, you'd be amazed at how that's the very first thing people ask me!" as if I'm being chatty and conversational. Most of these people are clued in enough to say "OH MY - sorry! What a personal question!" I can even go on - truthfully - "Do you know that sometimes with my stroller, I'll be walking down the street and a driver pulls the car over in the middle of the street to roll down the window and shout that very question to me on the sidewalk!" If the first response doesn't shut them up, the second one will.

I've also said "No, but be careful of the old orange juice trick" and change the subject. Of course there IS no orange juice trick, but they look silly and uninformed asking and completely bewildered so they drop it.

As for "I'd kill myself" - I've heard that too, mostly in passing as they walk by my kids. I never know what to say to that, but often I say "It's the greatest thing in the world to have triplets" - I don't say it for them, I say it for my kids who might have overheard.

"Better you than me" - I always say "I agree, better me than you!"

[Peggy]

Oh yeah, I forgot. I have also answered the fertility question with "No, we just had sex three times that night." :-)

[Janis]

GAH!

I was just out and about last week and had a man say to me "Twins? Wow! If I had twins, I'd hang myself!"

It just knocked the wind right out of me. Thoughts of Rissy cam flooding in and I was speechless. I just walked away.

"Boy you have your hands full"

"Yes I do and better full than empty!"

"Are they *real* twins?"

"Nope, fake. I got them on sale at WalkMart."

"Are they indentical?" Keep in mind one is a boy, the other a girl, one has blonde hair and brown eye, one blue eyes and brown hair. One is 2" taller and about 2.5 pounds heavier.

"Only till I take their diapers off."

Heaven forbid if I have my grandson with me as he is the same size as the twins despite being 3.5 months younger.

I love people, really I do, but sometimes, they can be asshats. LOL