Dim Sum Mum - Tess' Little Pieces

all systems GO

hello this is your captain speaking.

captain my captain! shrieks jasper, raising his arms adoringly.

apparently all four children are flying today. jasper was given if not a clean bill of health, the okay to fly around 30 minutes ago.

mummy is wishing she could give herself a strong dose of benadryl and wake up on the other side. however, that is not to be.

this flight could go any way. we'll let you know on the other side.

two girlfriends of mine have recently had guests staying with them. one of these friends was in a situation i found myself in last year, when my father in law and sisters in law came to stay with us.

what do you go when your guests have different agendas?

sister in law "a" had a terrible hong kong experience about 20 years ago. she stayed in a flea-bag pit motel, had terrible weather and found the pollution and streets teaming with swiftly moving or shuffling people overwhelming. but her love for the triumverate and master seb brought her to hong kong. we had a tacit agreement: NO CROWDS, WE WILL AVOID CROWDED AREAS.

my father in law, rather like my own father, frugal blake, loves hong kong and the shopping. he arrived a couple of days after "a" with, get ready for it, sil "b", who is pretty much game for anything.

we hiked twice, once on one of the outer islands, went to church and generally stayed away from the heavily populated areas, which not coindentally, is where the best shopping is found.

one day, we found ourselves near the one of hong kong's most touristy shopping mecca's - stanley market. FIL, sniffing out the deals said, "let's go!" and started briskly heading to the bargains waiting to happen.

i looked at "a", and was torn. and then realised that this wasn't my decision to make. i said, "i'm game if "a" is." she was of course, and not only did she get some good bargains, but she tried on a semi expensive jacket that looked so good on her that "b" bought it for her as a Christmas gift. definitely worth the compromise for her!

fortunately, when our guests were 180 degrees apart in where they wanted to be, they were family, so they could genteely duke it out amongst themselves and i could remove myself (and any responsibility) from the situation.

speaking of situations - today i took jasper to the doctor. what was meant to be a routine appointment lasted until 2pm, causing me to miss a lunch date, i might add. the long and short of it: jasper is on three medications with an ear infection and the dr doesn't think that he is well enough to travel on thursday. we are hoping that the medications will begin to do their trick overnight and have another opinion tomorrow. the dr also feels that carys' lungs are in danger, so she is on drugs as well, an oral steroid. she only has a chest infection.

charles and i are now trying to find flights that would let three or four of us leave next week. he thinks i should go to the okanagan, i say he should. as fond as his family is of me, they'd rather see him. ditto for sebastian.

so when do lita and i travel out with the soon to be healed sicklies? good question. flights are solidly booked. seriously solidly booked. it is going to take a lot of groundwork to get us on the flights. so we begin making our back up plans tonight, and pray that we won't need them. come on drugs, do your stuff. i think it is going to be okay, i cannot comprehend unpacking shared suitcases and the endless standing in queues to book new flights...i believe it will be okay.

this is the plan

packing is going well. one small suitcase for the girls, one small suitcase for the boys. i have taped a list to the outside of each suitcase with a list of last minute items that will need to be placed in the cases the day we leave.

i have started packing meals. formula amounts inserted into the formula disc, weetabix for three, sebastian's bran flakes, goldfish, teddy bears...all ready to go. bottles, sippy cups, utensils. and a list on the fridge of last minute items.

paperwork: copies of everyone's birth certificates, passports, medical histories, next of kin, contacts, donor organ cards, notarised permission forms stating my parents have the right to travel with any of the triplets and to make medical decisions for them.

good point to those of you who commented about id papers for kids: sebastian has an incredibles wallet that we tied a long shoelace into, it hangs around his neck making my little man resemble an underage rapper. inside is his name, flight, flight time and our business cards, and money to call us in case the person doesn't have a mobile phone.

tonight we are doing the phenergan trial run and that stuff really is the sword of damocles. jasper threw up all over himself and didn't wake up. poor little man.

sela displayed a new trick today: when thwarted combined with tired, she throws herself down on the ground. typical limp limbs and wailing. i tried to give her sackcloth and ashes but she said the colour didn't suit her complexion. this is a tantrum, right? when she did it, lita and i warned her to be careful of hurting her head, and then got up and walked out of the room. one minute later she was crawling towards us somewhat happier but still six o clock hurngry and tired tenuous.

carys. she's happier. she had this nasty cough that half of hong kong (hong?) seems to be sporting. for the past couple of days there has been a lot of misery. but she is okay lah.

sorry mum, sebastian got a hair cut tonight and looks sweet.

and sorry, pam, tomorrow i am going to stanley to do some last minute shopping and to buy a new suitcase.

AND - happy father's day magnificent. thank you kara for the poem, it was used in our sunday school presents to dad. i also gave him a cute t-shirt, a massage, dinner, and a few other items.

AND - last night i stayed up all night mainly because jasper was coughing...and in between sessions i managed to complete the rough draft of my second story. each story needs about 90 minutes of tweaking, but overall, i am a happy girl. this will be good.

time is running out, but we are so ready for this.

xo tess

sebastian put his budding artist skills to work today on the sofa covers. if you remember, about six months ago i replaced our sofa covers that had been vomitted on so many times that no matter how often they were washed, i couldn't get the smell out or the pieces of upchuck out of the zipper.

he released his inner picasso all over the sofa covers with a blue ball point pen. i noticed the scribbling late in the afternoon and asked him about it. i asked him why, and he told me that someone had told him to. fair enough, i will discipline both of you, i informed sebastian and his invisible patron. at that point sebastian admitted no one had told him to. (surprise).

i told him i was proud of him for not lying, but it was time for discipline, because what he did was wrong. after a party, being denied dessert was not effective, so i got creative. he told me as he was going to bed that he wouldnt' scribble on the sofa again, and i do believe him.

the triumverate all have these loose chesty coughs; and what concerns me most has little to do with what you might expect, you know, their already tenuous health, getting on a plane in a few days...no, i am concerned with the vomit. just hate that stuff.

you wouldn't believe the packing that's going on here. i have already packed carys, sela and jasper's shared suitcase, and have shirts, shorts and pants left for sebastian. that is pretty easy, he wants to wear his incredibles costume on the plane and he has two spiderman costumes that he will wear out this summer. oh this is a good time. he wears a wife beater and bob's to bed, so really, he is an easy packer.

magnificent has deemed (and he is good at stuff like this so i agree with him), that we need to fill one suitcase with three days worth of clothes for everyone, nappies, wipes, food, and this is the suitcase we will live out of until we reach our first destination. an excellent plan.

my carry on has been designated as THE distributor carry on. it contains three bags: one blue, one red, one purple. inside are five nappies, wipes, hand sanitiser, and a change of clothes. my bag also contains food for the plane. as well as extra nappies, but those are in a separate bag than the three coloured ones and will only be distributed as needed. there is a bag of medicine: phenergan, benadryl, teething gel, my anticonvulsants, cough medicine, augmentin and tylenol. my bag also contains the four kids enteratinment bags:

portable dvd, videos, colouring books, books, plastic jungle creatures, an etch a sketch, a notebook, markers (gee, now all we need is a sofa!) stickers, basically one new activity every hour.

and snacks for sebastian, i gave up expecting him to eat healthily on the flight a long time ago. goldfish, chocolate bears, apple juice, yakult, cheese and crackers, banana, sliced apple. for the babies i don't really offer snacks, because the last thing i want is them to vomit unnecessarily. they will get their pureed moosh and fromage frais and they will enjoy it.

i would love to sneak vanity fair in there if possible, because i cling to this foolish hope that i can actually read it.

i have also done something i consider to be brilliant: i have written down on one piece of paper all the kids passport numbers and expirations, so that when the time comes to fill out that foolish form, i don't have to find and open and shut all the passports. one piece of paper, thank you very much.

in the suitcases, we have several categories:

medical supplies, children extras (blankets, bibs, jackets), oh yes, my clothes, charles' clothes, bottles, bowls, utensils, i tell you, we are taking heaps of stuff. and i have to arrange it and it seems so daunting.

oh and the photocopying, oy! i have to have all three kids medical reports with me just in case. and their birth certificates.

we are going to have a massive amount of stuff with us. however, we are paying about $8,oooUS for these tickets, and i think that buys a certain amount of luggage, doesn't it? if only it paid for peace of mind.

choosing not to even get involved in the sanitary aspects to a thong debate, i'm moving on to our helpers.

people not in asia tend to have a funny reaction to the news that we have helpers. lots of domestic helpers are abused terribly, and don't report it. some people judge us because we have helpers.

very few of those people are mothers with small children. these women ask about my helpers the way someone who has just had that gastro surgery that removes your stomach talks about a buffet. i cannot provide enough details.

tell me about how they clean

well, we have a schedule of how many times a week things should be done. there are some people in hong kong who arrive here and hire a helper and suddenly want the bed linen changed every day.

so they vacuum and dust?

sure.

and would they polish silver and wash the floors?

sure, if those floors didn't get cleaned our floors wouldn't be wood anymore, they would be vomit tiling by this stage.

and the laundry, tell me about the laundry

okay, well, they pick up the laundry from each of the baskets and do the laundry.

no no no, tell me how they sort it.

okay, um, they sort it.

and they go through the pockets?

well, yes.

they iron too, right?

we don't have a lot of ironing, but yes, they do it.

and when you go out at night, do you have to pay them extra to stay in?

everyone is in bed by 7.30, so if we are going out we ask them to bring their friends over and they have a meal at our place.

right, but the mornings, what happens then?

well, it all depends on what time the babies wake up.

if they wake up early, will your helper take care of them for you?

if she was already awake, probably, but sometimes she doesn't hear them.

but she would if you asked, right?

yes.

you can sleep in?

yes.

or go back to bed?

yes.

and they also cook for you?

yes, sometimes i like to cook for us, and you wouldn't ask a helper to make you a plate of scrambled egg, but yes, they do help with sebastians meals and for dinner parties.

dinner parties?

well, lita used to work at the embassy and is a very good cook, and with her previous job she organised dinner parties for eight to 40 guests.

do they wash up at the end of the evening when youre knackered and just want to hit the bed?

i am sure they would if we asked, but charles and i do it.

the cook for you, they clean, they do laundry, they look after the babies so you can get out.

i know, we're very lucky.

and how much does it cost you? tell me again.

not a lot.

no, how much exactly in american dollars.

okay, minimum wage is about $423.00 us per month. we pay over $550, and also include a food allowance and if they have had a long day we or helped out on their day off when magnificent has been out of town, we give them an extra holiday and extra money.

but you say you only have to give them two weeks holiday every two years?

yes, that's the law. but with lita for example, we gave her two weeks off the first 10 months she was with us, she just came back from a two week holiday and after we return from canada, she will have another two weeks.

its just so amazing. you're so lucky. there is no union, no one to say "no, you hired her as a nanny, she doesn't have to clean the carpets", nothing.

so this isn't the time to tell you they do windows too?

one thing about hong kong i have never been able to figure out is why the local women, particularly those in the retail industry wear shoes at least one size too large for them.

the results of wearing one shoe size too large (1SSTL) are likely very painful for the wearer...blisters etc, but on a petulant ME ME ME aspect - it annoys me incredibly.

one of my less than endearing quirks is that i get annoyed with the shuffling and clopping that accompanies the 1SSTL habit.

when i first got here i tried to quench my short tempered pettiness because someone told me that "they have to share shoes with their sister". i know now that statement is untrue.

but why wear shoes too large if you do not have to? and it only seems to be pumps. never a slingback.

and yes, this is an issue of the shoe being too large, you can see the space between the heel and the shoe. i sometimes bump into a salesperson if they are leading me to a product because i am so fascinated with their feet.

I DONT GET IT.

suggestions for reasoning behind ISSTL tendencies:

1) since they are worried about their feet swelling they bought shoes one size too large

2) local shoes expand after wearing a few times? (a centimetre)

???????

who would willingly wear shoes that were too big? i have put my time in retail, and i never found bigger shoes to be the answer. i was a bad enough waitress without big shoes further confusing me.

bring it on

for the past 48 hours i have not been a fun gal to be around. more like a fun-gal infection.

reason for my unsettled/snarky way?

i am tired of you smug people.

not the people reading this post, IF anyone here is against us donating embryos, you have respected our decision and said nothing. you folk are angels, and might want to consider making extra money by holding sensitivity classes for the following people.

SMUG people who have been blessed with children as a result of embryo adoption, but want you to know they felt obligated to "rescue" the frozen babies.

ah yes, frozen embryos are apparently a "problem".

and here was i so stupidly thinking they could be a SOLUTION for some couple battling infertility.

no, apparently that is giving myself too much credit and not atoning enough for freezing embryos, which reduces their chance at life. and by not transferring them into my womb, i am, yes that's correct, abandoning them.

i have several things to say to you ever so caring people. i will limit my comments to a few and not have any swear words.

1) i've done the guilt, thank you. God is the only person i need to answer to, and He certainly showed more compassion that you have.

2) maybe you don't see creating a child and putting it into a family to be loved as a wonderful thing, but i do. although, NOT your family, thanks.

3) i thought we were all working toward the same goal, to find these embryos a good and loving home. apparently i missed the middle step: to make the genetic parents feel even worse and to promote yourselves as the samaritans coming to solve the problem i, in my careless folly, created. (insert your own diatribe, i stopped listening a while ago.)

4) keep up with this attitude and there will be no more "problem" of frozen emrbyos looking for homes. if couples learn they will be treated with such condemnation for an action they cannot change, they will be donating those embryos to science faster than you can say hypocrite.

of mechanics and (bus) mothers

for anyone curious...nothing monumentally repugnant occurred yesterday. we had fun. but mc had come home, and the tuesday had been a completely horrific day.

mag char and i have been watching desperate housewives, which i find to be less dynasty goes to the 'burbs and more twin peaks. we like! north americans commenced their love affair with wisteria lane last september, but in asia, the series started in may. however, i cant commit to being home every week at a certain time, so the only answer was to buy the first season of the show. which we did and quickly got hooked. magnificent in particular, i might add.

last saturday we were lying in bed watching the show when sebastian sauntered in, fresh from his nap. we were unimpressed that he had woken up 40 minutes early, but grateful that he hadn't roused the triumverate.

"i'm the bus mother!" he announced, as magnificent charles paused the tv. "everyone get in and i will take you to school!"

mc and i looked at each other in despair. pausing in the middle of an episode? could it be done?

sebastian repeated his request, this time pulling at my hand. everyone out!

my mind raced. my entire education flashed before me. surely i should be able to distract him yet keep him occupied...the key was in wording...come on tess...

bingo.

bus mother!

yes, come with me.

bus mother, my husband and i are both lying down. we are going to the hospital. in the ambulance. can you drive the ambulance for us?

a lengthy pause as the bus mother considered the ramifications to her career if she changed vehicles.

yes.

magnificent suddenly remembered why he married me and smiled with relief. yay tess!

sebastian pulled up a stool beside mc's side of the bed, we lowered the volume of the tv so it was barely audible over sebastian's vroom vroom driving noises. i declared myself a genius.

five minutes later, the vrooming stops. and the bus mother announces,

the ambulance broke. everyone into the school bus!

i rummaged through my drawer. there would be sacrifices, but it just might work.

bus mother, wait! i have another idea!

what is it?

i'm not hearing any politeness, bus mother.

thank you, what is it please?

why don't you take this tape (I hold out a container of scotch tape) and FIX the broken bit?

you could see the bus mother's eyes go from suspicious to happy. he hustled over to me and grabbed the tape

say thank you

thank you

and he got to fixing. streams of tape were applied to our bed, our duvet, the floor and door and other surfaces. he criss crossed and turned around and every once and a while came to be and demanded money.

forget it! what if you don't fix the ambulance very well?

i fix it.

so i would give him four m and m's to keep him happy/silent. little extortionist.

by the time the scotch tape screetched to a halt at the end of its cylinder, the episode was over and we were just watching him. it was hilarious. the mechanisms on wisteria lane got nothing on the manipulations and mechanics happening at 122 pokfulam road.

resignation

To: Colleague

Charles Caldwell

Dear Mr Caldwell;

Please accept my official, and final resignation, in our co-position of parent. i am fully aware that we are colleagues and that I needn't officially tell you of my resignation, but i thought it would be polite to let you know i quit.

however, i enjoy our partnership and am hoping we can continue our formally recognised company, which is floating quite well on the hang seng index.

in previous discussions where i have mentioned my resignation, you have (jokingly?) stated that would need to find and train my replacement. this is debatable. not sure how many people would accept the position if they listened to me promote it.

in lieu of benefits owed to me, if you could please return my internal and external status to me prior to accepting this position. please pay particular attention to two inches of droop and the torn abdominal muscles. and my memory. you probably thought i had forgotten that.  well i didn't.

yours sincerely

tess

just call me blanche

the kindness of strangers has been a huge and recurring theme in my life.

in 2000, i was on a plane headed to chicago. the seat next to me was empty. after the plane was in the air, a girl came and sat next to me. she looked just like diana krall. we got to talking. and the words and sentences came easily. and the hours passed quickly. we talked infertility, lifestyles, mothers, careers, living overseas....and at the end of the flight we had addresses and we knew we were friends. we kept in touch, and a few months later, i decided to visit her in new york. do you know what she did? SHE MOVED INTO HER BOYFRIEND'S PLACE AND GAVE ME HER FLAT ON CENTRAL PARK WEST AND 67TH FOR 10 DAYS. i would go to her office and take her to lunch, but i had the days to prowl the city i grew to love by myself. can you imagine? she didn't really know me! i was a stranger and she opened her heart and home to me.

in 2003, i was flying with sebastian into san fransisco from hk. we connected the flight (united) to vancouver. however, upon arriving in vancouver and passing through the APPALLINGLY LONG CUSTOMS LINE (oops, where did that come from on a day when i am discussing kindness?) and after watching everyone else gather their luggage i realise, ding dong double damn, our luggage has gone missing. so i collect my sad child, and head over to the missing luggage department, fill out terribly long forms and get terribly vague answers, and then hotfoot it over to the check in counter where we are meant to be catching a flight to edmonton.

i get to the west jet counter and the girl informs me that the flight has closed. i can't believe it. she isn't rude at all, and i am not screaming at her, but i am horrified. it wasn't me, flight was on time, stupid luggage, poor sebastian.... and i start crying with the frustration of it all.

i am informed that we have to buy a new set of tickets. the girl is so sorry. i realise my sister is waiting for me in edmonton. where is a phone? i ask the girl. she points me towards a set of pay phones, and then tells me to hold on. she gets another check in person to cover her desk, and takes me with her to their staff room, where she pulls out a container of juice for my sweet sebastian, who slurps it up happily, even though it was apple and blackberry juice, and he is a purist who prefers apple. she pulls out her cellular phone and tells me to call pam. ON HER DIME! so i do.

and then she takes me back to the queue and tells me that the tickets are complimentary. incredible.

there have been smaller gestures, but equally as incredible. last summer when magnificent was gone for three weeks, a relatively new friend lucy, gave sebastian dinner and a bath at her place every day of those three weeks, so i could feed the babies, clean up their vomit and get them to sleep in relative peace. a HUGE gesture of love and support. i am still grateful for that one.

my friend shayna, whom i have never met face to face, sends benadryl and outfits to the babies. she is a busy mum, and makes time for me. when i am feeling low, she magically knows when to call and knowing that i am important to her, with all her degrees and medical knowledge, makes me feel great. shayna doesn't waste time in girly stuff...she gets right down to the "you're important to me."

if the only way to demonstrate your appreciation of other's kindness is to "pay it forward", i can honestly say i haven't done a lot in the late year, but i have done what i can where i can. there are some people i am committed to praying for each day, and they know who they are. we are on the on-call list at the hospital for couples who have a child in the nicu and are bewildered and overwhelmed. i will take a chance on a stranger.

even more important, i will take a second chance on someone who has previously hurt me. in a way, that's even a bigger gamble, isn't it.