Dim Sum Mum - Tess' Little Pieces:

JUNE 2 - CARYS WAS RELEASED FROM HOSPITAL!

magnificent charles was travelling the day carys was released from hospital. she had been on home leave, but needed to go back for one final exam, and so i could sign the final papers, pay the final bills, say the final goodbyes.

how anti climatic for magnificent. oprah would say there was no closure.

the day i took carys in for her final check up and farewell, as with sela and jasper, nurses and doctors had brought cameras to take pictures of the triumverate. when we had taken sela and jasper home, we knew we would be coming back to the NICU that night, to see carys. the goodbyes were emotional as we manipulated jasper and sela's hands into little bye-bye's but carys' leaving was the real goodbye.

the face masks and language differences were tough enough, but how could i put into words my gratitude? for three months i had seen more of this staff than i had seen of friends. they had watched me make the toughest decision of my life, they had witnessed miracles. thank you is such an inadequate word, when you are describing lives that have been saved.

we had watched children die in the nicu. walked into the room the next morning to see the isolette, charts and too small infant gone. we had watched the nurses adjust our babies positions, coax them out of apnea spells, administer medication, change iv lines, nappies, masks. they held our children and loved them when we could not. they were tender. the doctors, maybe not tender, but they certainly saved their lives. again and again.

i was thrilled and horrified to leave the security of the nicu. magnificent wasn't at home, could i handle three babies and the very active sebastian? what if i messed up the medicines? they never would have done that in the nicu.

in the end, there were no words. there were hugs, there were waves, there were promises to come back that we all knew couldn't happen because the babies and i were not allowed back in the NICU once formally discharged. it was a new phase of their life. and mine.

tubes, plasters, duoderms, lines, goggles, caps...all had been removed from their bodies over the past three months. the butterflies had emerged from their chrysalids and were preparing to soar.

and all i could do was cry as i said goodbye, and carried my littlest girl home.

http://home.netvigator.com/~tlyons/tripmu.htm

check out the website. can you believe it has been one year.