just call me blanche

the kindness of strangers has been a huge and recurring theme in my life.

in 2000, i was on a plane headed to chicago. the seat next to me was empty. after the plane was in the air, a girl came and sat next to me. she looked just like diana krall. we got to talking. and the words and sentences came easily. and the hours passed quickly. we talked infertility, lifestyles, mothers, careers, living overseas....and at the end of the flight we had addresses and we knew we were friends. we kept in touch, and a few months later, i decided to visit her in new york. do you know what she did? SHE MOVED INTO HER BOYFRIEND'S PLACE AND GAVE ME HER FLAT ON CENTRAL PARK WEST AND 67TH FOR 10 DAYS. i would go to her office and take her to lunch, but i had the days to prowl the city i grew to love by myself. can you imagine? she didn't really know me! i was a stranger and she opened her heart and home to me.

in 2003, i was flying with sebastian into san fransisco from hk. we connected the flight (united) to vancouver. however, upon arriving in vancouver and passing through the APPALLINGLY LONG CUSTOMS LINE (oops, where did that come from on a day when i am discussing kindness?) and after watching everyone else gather their luggage i realise, ding dong double damn, our luggage has gone missing. so i collect my sad child, and head over to the missing luggage department, fill out terribly long forms and get terribly vague answers, and then hotfoot it over to the check in counter where we are meant to be catching a flight to edmonton.

i get to the west jet counter and the girl informs me that the flight has closed. i can't believe it. she isn't rude at all, and i am not screaming at her, but i am horrified. it wasn't me, flight was on time, stupid luggage, poor sebastian.... and i start crying with the frustration of it all.

i am informed that we have to buy a new set of tickets. the girl is so sorry. i realise my sister is waiting for me in edmonton. where is a phone? i ask the girl. she points me towards a set of pay phones, and then tells me to hold on. she gets another check in person to cover her desk, and takes me with her to their staff room, where she pulls out a container of juice for my sweet sebastian, who slurps it up happily, even though it was apple and blackberry juice, and he is a purist who prefers apple. she pulls out her cellular phone and tells me to call pam. ON HER DIME! so i do.

and then she takes me back to the queue and tells me that the tickets are complimentary. incredible.

there have been smaller gestures, but equally as incredible. last summer when magnificent was gone for three weeks, a relatively new friend lucy, gave sebastian dinner and a bath at her place every day of those three weeks, so i could feed the babies, clean up their vomit and get them to sleep in relative peace. a HUGE gesture of love and support. i am still grateful for that one.

my friend shayna, whom i have never met face to face, sends benadryl and outfits to the babies. she is a busy mum, and makes time for me. when i am feeling low, she magically knows when to call and knowing that i am important to her, with all her degrees and medical knowledge, makes me feel great. shayna doesn't waste time in girly stuff...she gets right down to the "you're important to me."

if the only way to demonstrate your appreciation of other's kindness is to "pay it forward", i can honestly say i haven't done a lot in the late year, but i have done what i can where i can. there are some people i am committed to praying for each day, and they know who they are. we are on the on-call list at the hospital for couples who have a child in the nicu and are bewildered and overwhelmed. i will take a chance on a stranger.

even more important, i will take a second chance on someone who has previously hurt me. in a way, that's even a bigger gamble, isn't it.

Comments

[Karen]

Tess - you are such an incredible person!

I loved this post. I believe in pay it forward, however, I have not been so fortunate to run into such amazing strangers yet. Though I have met some of the most incredible friends I have through IVFC and blogs....including you!!!

Karen W
xoxo

[Boulder]

I wrote about paying it forward back when people were upset about "certain" bloggers getting attention at the birth of their child(ren), and I'm a firm believer that in each day even a simple gesture can change a person's day. And you achieve much more paying it forward than you give yourself credit for - think about your writings woman!

xoxo

PS - A song for you that I love:

Lyrics by: Brett James / Holly Lamar,
as performed by Wynonna Judd
(you can listen to a clip here:
http://www.wynonna.com/music/albums/worldneeds.htm

I look around at all the faces and I see
All the lonely people looking back at me
Rich, poor don't matter we're all the same
Everybody's hungry in a different way
We're clawin' and climbin' and kickin' and screamin' and fightin' but really

Chorus
What the world needs now is love
Love and only love
A little help from up above
Faith to make a better day
Let's come together
Lay our differences down
Spread it all around
That's what the world needs now

(La, la, la, la, la)

Sometimes all it takes is just a smile
To change somebody's weather
Chase the clouds out of their sky
Sometimes you gotta give and not receive
Sometimes you gotta live what you believe
Open your arms cause that's where it starts
Right here with you and with me

Chorus

Bridge
Nobody likes the cold
We all need someone to hold
No one wants to be alone

Chorus: Repeat 3 times

(Third time: "Let's come together, lay our prejudices down…")
(La, la, la, la, la)

Fade Out

[Lala]

Boulder is lovely.
Tess: your heart is huge. I wanted to pay it forward TO you but never found out when your birthday was or if there was an address I could use. Your sister prolly thinks I'm a stalker because she never replied to my email. Anyway, I just wanted you to know I had good intentions toward you and I have a soft spot in my heart for you.
Lauren

[Goodiesgirlie]

very Christlike of you, to give someone a second chance.

or third

or fourth.....

ahhh, but let's not get carried away....

[Maggs]

Tess, you do pay it forward, at least you have with me. You have befriended someone who is on the other side of the world, looking for guidance, a mentor. I am so proud to call you my friend. I am so honored that you don't think I'm a freak! : )

[knobody]

um.....*blush*

second what Maggs said!

you do pay it forward just by letting me tell people that you are my friend. i always feel i get the better end of this bargain!

and lala, her birthday is easy to remember. just think green. (okay, and it's my parent's anniversary too, so i have another reminder.)

[Lioness]

Hey, Jews can be generous too! ;)

You truly ARE lovely and so are the rest of you, it's like a year-round loveliness fest over at Tess'!

These past few months it was the kindness of strangers that kept me afloat, and I am forever grateful and in awe of it. I also love that movie bcs it is so easy to forget and be snarky. Er, for some of us, that is. Those are amazing stories an d I'm sure everyone has them - or at least those that risk it. I have done the previously-hurt gamble, but by second strike they're out. Giving a second chance is generous, but a third one amounts to daftness. But then, as I said, snarky.

As always, in awe of you and the amazing people that choose you for their lives.

[Lala]

St. Patricks Day? Darn it all to heck!

[Auntie Pammie]

Hi T,
I wrote Lala and told her that I do not think she is a stalker, even though that would be kind of interesting?? ( Sorry it's been a long day). I am counting down the days till you get here :-)
Auntie P