iv - all creatures great and small

the months passed. almost one year old sebastian was crawling and trying to catch olivia and cee cee, who were incredibly patient with him. we were never sure how old olivia was, but the years were being kind to this grand old dame. she is like the peninsula hotel or old man river, she just keeps rolling along.

one day i came home from a trip, and noticed cee cee was looking much thinner. it was very disconcerting, because she was considerably lighter than she had been two weeks ago when we had left.

i went to the kitchen, and opened a tin of tuna and strained the juice for the girls, and then went and unpacked.  afterwards, i lay on the bed, and ceecee came strolling in. she sat at the base of the bed, and looked at me for a long time. this was unusual, normally she wasted no time jumping up on our bed. we had a new duvet and the cats loved its feel.

you could almost see her mustering up strength, and eventually she jumped up. we nuzzled and she fell asleep almost immediately. but after 30 minutes or so, she suddenly got up and jumped down again, and promptly threw up. it was a clear vomit. i cleaned it up, picked her up and placed her on the bed again. she curled up into that shrimp like position she had that she used whenever i wasn't on the bed with her, and fell asleep again.

over the next few days, i came across more clear puddles of vomit. cee just didn't have the strength she normally did, and i was concerned enough to take her to the vet.

you have to understand, often going to the vet was more traumatising for cee cee than staying home and toughing it out. she would cling to the sides of her cage, often having to be pulled out. one time she had to be tranquillised before the vet would touch her, given how badly she had scratched him up the time he tried to pull her out by the scruff of her neck.

but, i pulled her into the cat cage, and we headed off to THE ARK, a great veteranary place in midlevels. cee didn't even have the energy to fight much, she just got the very dilated pupils. i held her for most of the exam, and wasn't surprised when they told me she was a very sick cat.

liver failure, they figured.

liver failure? that was for overweight cats! my girls ate science diet light or iams light. wet food was for Christmas and celebrations only. olivia was heavier than cee, and liver failure is most common in older cats. cee was only four years old!

did we want to do an operation? it might help. of course, i said. i usually have a book with me, and i sat in the waiting room, reading f scott fitzgerald and worrying about my little girl.

the operation was a success, the vet said, a few hours later. (an expensive success can i add?). they were going to feed cee cee through a tube, it wasn't as invasive as a gastro tube, but would make sure she got the nourishment. i saw my groggly little girl, pet her, and put her in a cage for the night. they had shaved her side, and she was embarrassed of it. i had been there for eight hours, and couldn't remember a thing i had read.

the next day i cancelled my appointments for the week and headed back the vet. cee cee was status quo they said. not gaining weight, but not throwing up either. this was good. her spirit was maybe? a bit better, and it did my heart good to see how she lifted her head and meowed when she saw me. i dragged a stool toward her and sat by her cage, and read again, one hand holding the book and turning the occasional page, the other on her neck. so that was wednesday.

the saturday was sebastian's first birthday party, and i had already delegated the cake making and organising to charles, because i knew i was going to be at the vets.

the friday i went in, with wild swans, a big thick novel. i knew i would stay the morning, take the number 40m home and have lunch with sebastian then come back and spent the afternoon at the vets. charles was coming home early, and would put sebastian to bed, letting me be at the vets until they closed.

the feeding tube was now directly going into cee cee's tummy, and she was definitely doing better. even i could see her coat was looking a little better. that afternoon, i returned from lunch, opened my book, and cee cee's cage. she opened one eye and gave a mew, and i resumed stroking (my hand was so sore after four days of this!) and reading.

about 20 minutes into the reading, cee stood up and slowly walked two steps forward to the edge of the cage. the cage was level to my knees. she then very slowly stepped on to my knees, and did her usual routine, two and one half circles, then lie her bottom half down, then pull herself another half circle, before finally lying down. she gave a huge sigh of contentment, and put down my book and rubbed my little cee cee, so thankful to have her on my lap again. we stayed like that the whole afternoon, i only read occasionally, the rest of the time i was just happy with kitten. when the vet told me they were closing up for the night, i gently lifted cee cee off me, kissed her, and shut the cage. she gave me her usual mew, and closed her eyes.

the next morning she died. apparently it was painless, but do you ever hear anyone say that it was a PAINFUL death? i paid the bill with a credit card over the phone, told them to dispose of the body as they wished. i still have WILD SWANS and a jumper there, which i haven't ever retrieved and never will.

it has been three years since xia xia (next to olivia on the right), my grateful little cat, died. but i am still in tears as i write this post, remembering our last day together. i am so glad we spent it together, doing what we both loved, just showing our love.

friends were so good when cee cee died. richard made me sit shiva for two days, and sent food over. shayna completely understood. charles held me and held me. even now, years later, even though olivia's constant meowing is driving us crazy, he understands that i just can't get another cat. i can't imagine loving and losing like that again.

i believe i will see cee cee in heaven. amen.

Comments

[Boulder]

She is patiently and lovingly waiting for you, as a beloved friend would do.

My "G" is keeping her company, I promise.

xoxo

[knobody]

morning tears for cee cee.

i know you will see her again. and she will always love you as much as you love her.

[Maureen Lyons]

Oh sweetheart - tears are flowing here as well. So glad Cee Cee was in your life - you are richer for it. Sending you comforting hugs - M xox

[Auntie Pammie]

tears in heaven by Eric clapton seems fitting right now.
Auntie P

[sheilah]

You had me tearing up as you talked about your little cee cee. I have a frail 15-year old cat and am frightened to death that she does not have much time left. It is hard to lose someone you love, be it animal or human.

sheilah

[stacyg]

I was working at a vet hospital when my oldest yorkie, Jacob, had to be euthanised. The vet brought Jim and I into a room and I held him while the vet administered the lethel medication. I prayed out loud to God about what a gift Jacob was to us and how blessed we were to have had him in our lives. I also prayed that he would be there waiting for us when it was our time to go there. I beleive too!!

[stacyg]

I should ahve said "brought JIm, my husband and I into a room and I held Jacob while the vet administered the medication." Sorry.