a few months ago, magnificent and i, the offspring and various cycling instruments headed off to bowen road.
on the way back we stopped at the playground. we sat down, brought out the beverages and watched sebastian racing around, and the toddlers, well, toddling.
another couple sat down beside us. they had two daughters, one who immediately started running with sebastian while their one year old eyed jasper as they both contemplated how the dirt would taste.
the inevitable triplet question started off the conversation, but we didn't dwell there. they had been in hong kong five years, they loved bowen road as well. magcharles and i nodded. they nodded when we shared that we went to union church, they attended another church. we nodded when we watched them discipline their daughter for spitting. we nodded again when the mother got up and walked over to the daughter to make her sit down on the thinking chair. our educational backgrounds were the same and what's this...they loved 80's music as well. the British Invasion lover that is my husband was ecstatic. politics, best hong kong restaurants and cheap currie joints, ideas on finding and keeping a good helper, reminiscing over the days when we actually flew business class and visited countries you needed visas and vaccinations for...it was a great conversation.
but it wasn't really. it was more a job interview. we had friends who were moving, and magnificent and i were shamelessly auditioning for new potential friends. these candidates were so strong we didn't even feel the need to ask for references. their location wasn't of importance. even if they didn't relocate to pokfulam (it would be TOO perfect if they were already there!), they were worth getting in the renault and driving to. definitely. or we could meet up here, since both families liked it so much.
choosing friends to match with your family is a complicated business.
as a singleton, you accept your partner's friends and by large, when you're introduced to your partner's friends who are couples, you accept them both. when your friend takes a partner, you accept them as well. you're relieved when a friend becomes a couple, you can spend more time together. unless their new partner is too bland or repulsive.
it is not unusual to become closer friends with someone you knew as a singleton when your partner gets along fantastically with their partner. i'm talking with my girlfriend elizabeth today and she says, "so what's this thing charles invited my man to on thursday?" we only got the men together a few months ago and they have had at least one boys night since then. and another one coming up! i have only had breakfast with e. since that night the four of us dined out, but there you go.
when your friend takes a family, and you've got a family, you've still got the friendship. even if your kids are different ages, you have the pre existing relationship and can meet and go out for dinner every once and a while. or play at a location, as long as you both know the kids won't be playing TOGETHER.
to digress...it is wonderful when the news hits that your "old world" friends are expecting. magnificent and i went to a fantastic couple's home the other night for dinner and admired their sweet new baby. as scintilliating the conversation, as tasty the wine, there was a marked difference that declared these two as recent inductees into the hall of parenthood...the dinner party started at 7pm. and we stayed until midnight. it was a great evening.
but rarely are you going to pick up new friends with no children. maybe 2/10 of the new friends collection will fall into that category. you're going to be spending time with people whose kids are the same ages as yours, and who can be doing the same things that enthrall your kids when they're not napping. quality is good, but you can get quality through quantity.
at the end of our conversation with family a, they casually let it drop they were moving at the end of june. they were taking a break packing in order to enjoy one of their last sundays in hong kong. as we got up (at the same time), the men shook hands, still talking about the dot com crash, and the mother looked at me and said, "i wish we had met earlier".
no kidding.
How frustrating! I know exactly what you mean about interviewing the friends, though. My close friends all moved away this summer and since I'm at a college I've been looking over the new people to see if there's anyone promising.
Posted by: Rachel | September 13, 2005 at 12:52 AM
I have a few friends that I cherish deeply. I have a difficult time making friends.
Posted by: Maggs | September 13, 2005 at 09:30 AM
Ouch, and I had such hope for your new friendship! Oh well, might as well practice making friends with someone you don't really HAVE to seal the deal with, right? Now you are better rehearsed for the ones that might have gotten away if you hadn't gotten this practice in!
Posted by: Boulder | September 13, 2005 at 03:29 PM
No new candidates since May? Surely HK must have some people with kids the same age. I would offer our group from Sweden, twins at 14 months, older one at 3 1/2, or even our LV neighbors, triplets at 15 months, younger at 3 months, but then sebastian would be biggest. Sorry from here.
Posted by: joeinvegas | September 14, 2005 at 04:09 AM