out of sight, (not george clooney) out of mind

hong kong is a transient city. depending on if you like the exiting/arriving folk, this can be good or bad.

in the past two years, i have had to say goodbye to two very good friends who obviously cared more for their husbands and families and careers than going to shenzhen and sharing overpriced american magazines with me. 3a and 12a...i miss you both.

when the person moves, they send out their new contact details, and hope to hear from you soon. but it seems like they, although up to their eyeballs in sorting curtains, unpacking boxes, soothing displaced children, have the additional task of maintaining the friendships they left behind.

they left, so it is up to them to make the effort.

even when discussing a visit...the mindset seems to be they would have to come back here, to the place they left.

because i love these friends, and will always be grateful for the quiet hours of sympatico and laughing we spent together, i make the effort for them. i will call them just as often as they will call me. how is this for friendship...i have been housing a piece of abandoned wedding cake in the fridge for two years now, hoping i will have a chance to hand it over to its rightful owner sometime in the future.

then there are other numerous other friends who leave, but i don't maintain the same contact with. why the discrimination?

when charles and i left canada, we experienced the same phenomenon. we were probably just as busy as everyone else, but we were the ones having to make contact. of course, we missed the comfort of home, and that is what we were calling sometimes, but the fact remains, for the majority we made more of an effort than others made for us.

of course, there are exceptions to the rule. my sister, who loves travelling, chooses to come HERE on her holiday. she could go to an exciting new destination, but she doesn't. she also loves the food and shenzhen, but i think the kids are pretty strong drawing cards.

my parents live in the same city, my three siblings live in the same city. yet every year we get away from our lives, to just be with our family. no television, music, computers, just our family. for two weeks to talk, argue, eat, walk, swim, and laugh.

others claim they are too busy. or they aren't writers "you're a writer, you have no excuse for not writing!". and we also have to realise that not everyone shows their affection by writing. or sees including you in the important details of their lives as a sign of caring. the pattern seems to be, if it is really bad, or really good, we hear from them.

i know my gran loves me, but the whole calling overseas thing is a bit daunting for her, and i think she secretly fears that jasper would fall over the balcony if i took my eyes off him for a moment to talk to her. so she doesnt' call. but i know that she loves me.

other people, friends, don't have an excuse.

i've had friends that have left their hometowns or countries, and they express the same sentiments. just today a friend was saying she goes a year without hearing from her brother. but he always writes her a thank you note after Christmas.

is out of sight out of mind a good enough excuse?

Comments

[Louise M]

I think it takes energy and commitment to keep up the contact with other people. It was easy when we were kids, on the phone a couple hours a day, even though you had seen all your friends at school an hour or so ago... As adults, it becomes harder, as the demands of other family members, life, etc. takes so much of our time. It is like exercising, hard to find the time at first, but easier the longer you keep with it... I have to admit I am as guilty as the next person, but very thankful for the internet, which allows me to send a quick note to two of my brothers and my best friend, four provinces away in Ontario

[joeinvegas]

For myself, past is memory - nice to write and see people but also trying to move on, get to know those around now. It's just too hard to like somebody and be part of your life, but then only a letter? Not enough. Better to cut and run and find another.
Sorry.

[joeinvegas]

For myself, past is memory - nice to write and see people but also trying to move on, get to know those around now. It's just too hard to like somebody and be part of your life, but then only a letter? Not enough. Better to cut and run and find another.
Sorry.

[joeinvegas]

For myself, past is memory - nice to write and see people but also trying to move on, get to know those around now. It's just too hard to like somebody and be part of your life, but then only a letter? Not enough. Better to cut and run and find another.
Sorry.

[Darna Margot]

Hey, I always feel bad cause I'm one of those people that don't keep in touch. Not cause I don't like people, but just because I'm a lazy Saggitarrious with a penchant for Couch-potatoery. Don't take it personal when they don't call...they could just be watching Desperate Housewives.

[Auntie Pammie]

You were correct that your children hold a huge trump card over this Auntie and pull in the rating of #1 reason, the parents of these children second, the food in Asia comes in at third without a doubt, and last but not least.. Shenzhen. Amen

[knobody]

guilty.

i guess i'm just with Darna, too lazy to make the effort very often. then again, may of my friends are off at work all day when i am home being lazy. then the evening craziness. then i'm too pooped to remember to call once the chilluns are in bed. i do have a problem with laziness, but i think i also have major memory problems. notes. i need to make myself more notes.

note to self: set alarm clock for 4 am (or just wake up when cat pukes on bed at 4 am) and call tess.