the first amendment

just to clarify: the intent of the last post wasn't to say "no one makes an effort for me" ... or to get the six emails from VERY kind friends who asked, "you didn't mean me, did you?" the answer is no.

i was referring to people you have a long history with, and the phenomenom of, "you left. if you want to see us, you come here."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i don't know how large families manage to get everyone everywhere they should be.

today i had a 3pm appointment to interview someone from a law firm to see if i could get their perspective on a new employment law in china. my deadline on this is monday, it's crunch time. (i also have to complete another 2100 word story as well for the same day.)

so i am compiling some rough notes and enjoying the relative peace. babies are just stirring, and mila goes in to get them. lita is on a much deserved two week break right now: it is her daughter's first birthday and we sent her to the philippines for two weeks in june and promised her two more in september if she survived the summer. she did, and the other day she left. sebastian is downstairs playing with adam.

my idyll is smashed with the ring of the phone. it is adam's helper, asking who is coming to sebastian's football practise. foot ball starts at 3pm and ends at 4pm.

i could ask adam's helper to take sebastian, but that wouldn't be fair, as nilda will be caring for adam's little sister as well as adam. stacking her with three kids in a taxi wouldnt' be fair, or probably you know, safe, i think as an afterthought. *

i could ask mila to do it, but there is no way that i could handle an interview whilst watching the babies. even if i plugged them into a video, there is no way they would stay still for 30 minutes. or quiet.

so the interview is a loss. i reluctantly call to cancel it, while firing socks, playshirt, trainers and drinks into a plastic bag (no time to dig around and find the backpack) and race out the door.

and i have TWO HELPERS!

how do families do it? how to you make multiple appointments? does driving make it easier? whose appointments are more important? i don't see a lot of mothers with older children in tow at these practises, it always seems to be younger children toddling about. is that what you do? bring along the younger to the older's events? what if they are simultaneous? i feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about this. i was a dismal failure at career mum and full time mum today.

oh well...hopefully i can get everyone in bed so i can conduct my 7.30pm interview with some fellow in america in relative peace.

* as we know from earlier posts, i am quite willing to place my children in physically dangerous situations.

Comments

[Auntie Pammie]

Umm, lets see here, you cannot be super Mpm and Career Mom at the same time without some glitches. what you are going through sounds so normal. As your kidlets get older life is going to get busier, it will all work out in time. HAng in there :-)

[lyns]

No worries...you'll figure it out..but for now it sounds like you made the right choice..kids before work...driving does make it easier..and having the same for appointments too (at least that is what we have found in USAville..) same MD, same Dentist, same etc...but the driving bit isn't such a big deal esp with the public in HK..Our motto has always been and always will be "have kids will travel.." Keighley might get sick of going to Noah's soccer games..and Noah will hate her swim meets for sure..but its all part of the "family package"...No worries..you'll get it down pat...be encouraged at least three are the same age!!!

[joeinvegas]

Let's see if I can get this one to come up three times. (good work there, Joe)
It is still amazing that triplets do so well. I see the three across the street bouncing around, and they have two helpers also and neither parent works. So for you to keep it together is impressive.

[Liz]

I have it easy comparing to you. I only have 2 kids and I don't work. My older boy is at kinder most of the day, so I only have the other one to take care and run around with errands and appointments.

I always admire people with several kids. How do they do it without going "crazy"?

[Maggaggie]

I miss you Tess-been emailing you!

Just a phase, it gets easier as they get older. Of course, I've only got one so I really can't talk, but I think as the trips are able to care for themselves more it will be easier on you. Chin up, love.

[Heather in Bellevue, WA]

I schedule my 4 and 6 year old children very lightly. They do one extra-curricular during the school year: ballet. In summer when there is no ballet they have swim lessons. They both have speech therapy weekly. They go to two different schools 20 minutes apart from each other. I have no helpers at all, and when I have been ill or have a pressing project, and can't endure the drive across town, I call them in absent, and tell the kids they get popcorn and a movie with earphones (a special treat for them), or I pull out the big box of playmobil that comes out for special occasions like this.

I have a love/hate relationship with extra-curricular activities. Sometimes I think they bring more chaos and stress with having to get out the door and driving there, than they have actual benefit for the kids.

I live in an affluent area where most kids are severely overscheduled, with 5 or 6 activities a week. Families are always on the go, take out meals are eaten in the car, and infants spend hours a day flattening their heads sitting in car seats while their older siblings are ferried around.

I'll never forget the first day of ballet this year, which coincided with the first day of school. Half a dozen of the little ballerinas were bawling, exhausted, overstimulated, crying to go home. Many had just experienced their first full day of school, and now mom was pushing them out of the car for an hour of dance before a mad dash to something else.

It's OK to cancel kid activities occasionally -- there's always next week's session, and at this young age they're probably happier to stay home than witness their mom have a nervous breakdown rushing to get them somewhere at the last minute, or feel her resentment at having not completed her own tasks when the clock says it's time for ballet/music/football/swimming/etc. We try to hide it, but they see through us. I think sometimes we sacrifice too much of our adult lives on little things that in the long run don't matter that much to the kids.

[perceval]

Heather, beautifully put.

Tess, kudos to you for combining a job and motherhood. Even with two helpers, that's not easy, because your husband is away so much. I know that I rely on mine quite a lot in the evenings, and I only have one.