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October 08, 2005

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Boulder

Tess,

You made me Laugh.Out.Loud tonight (here, not there). Don't think my guy appreciated fully your sense of humour (spelled that way because it is your sense of humour, not my sense of humor) when it waked him, but I'm thankful.

I think that people who spend too much time pointing out other people's parenting "issues" are really redirecting our looking at their own issues. Just my theory mind you.

You are a fantastic mum!

Any (buzzy) body who thinks differently can call me up and I'd be happy to set them straight - after I fully investigate their own , um closets!

(Which likely have extra beds squeezed in, and the ugly clothes that they foist on the extra siblings beyond the lucky one who gets the good
bedroom and the first rate clothing - puhleeze.)

Last thing? I LOVE that you call the triplets by names like the Terrific Trio, and the Triumverate, and Fabulous Four. Look at how superlative those sound for goodness' sake! It practically SCREAMS love - much more so than "kids."

xoxo

Boulder

um, clearly you don't call the triplets the Fabulous Four, but I hit post, not preview (sorry), but I was trying to say that I also love that it extends beyond the youngest three, and that you include Sebastian in the monikers.

Suzanne

I generally do not read the comments so I'm sitting here appalled more at the fact that people have the nerve to proffer criticism and unsolicited advice. I'm thinking of that Seinfeld episode where Elaine screams "we're living in a society here people." I guess people think the anonymity gives them the freedom to be rude. I love modernity, but there's nothing wrong with old fashioned manners!

Tess, I love reading your posts and you and your children are perfectly lovely regardless of what they are wearing or where they sleep at night.

perceval

my husband shared with his two brothers for YEARS. he's very creative and musical. nonsense.

and i love "triumvirate"!

Tertia

Really? Do people really say that to you?

They obviously do not know you at all. Any one who knows you a little, even just from a cyber point of view knows that you are doing exactly the right thing with those kids of yours. You are always posting about each individual child and portraying their individual characters so wonderfully.

Remember that post where you said your blog wasn't edgy enough for some? This post of yours was about as edgy as it gets. You GO girl.

You are the perfect mom to those kids, and quite honestly, stuff any one who thinks differently.

And stop putting Jazzy in a dress. Unless of course you are wanting him to look like his daddy ;-)

tee hee

Auntie Pammie

Two words to your critics./....
"Bite Me"

enough said. Keep up the good work. You are a fantastic mother , and for those who have all the free time to bash you , they could be using that free time to volunteer at a nursing home, or working at a homeless shelter and help improve the lives of others.
Ps) I did have the hotter clothes , but if you look at the photo albums.. YIKES the 70's were not that fashion friendly at all. PLus with my mixing bowl haircut, you were always the cuter one.

Louise M

Lets see... Rowen slept in a closet for six months because we were in a one bedroom apartment, David decided to change into a dress at Christmas one year because his sister and all his cousins were wearing them... Rowen's hand-me downs made it through my God-daughter and three cousins, David's went to a friend with three boys...

School uniforms for both my kids, how conforming is that!!! Love uniforms, just love them, no fights, no arguments, no hazzles. Sheer bliss at 7 AM as you try to get everything done before you leave for work at 7:30!

You are doing a great job, tell the nay-sayers to get stuffed!

instamom

yup, i'm pretty sure that your critics wouldn't say anything if they had to say it to your face. one thing that sucks about the internet. people can be huge jerks because they aren't speaking directly to you.

lynsey

Tess..you know how I feel about the fab 4 and you guys as parents...Im just posting to say I MISS you like MAD!!!! And we are really missing Hong Kong today..Noah even said "I miss Hong Kong..." Hope life is good for all of you...have a starbucks for me!! Love ya lyns

ALG

Everything you said sounds good to me, except the dressing alike thing. I don't feel too strongly, but my father, an identical twin, hates it when people dress twins in the same clothing. (His mother dressed him like his brother until they were old enough to refuse.) So I guess it will work for as long as the kids like it. I never fought with my sisters over who got the better clothing, and we mostly didn't wear the same stuff. My older sister HATED it when we matched. (I sometimes purposely put on clothing that was identical to her's just to get her goat.) For what it's worth. I guess it depends on the kid...

Also, I shared a room with both my sisters (three girls in one room) for a large part of my life (except before the little one was born and after the big one went to college), and I think I turned out okay. So I think that comment is absolutely ridiculous.

knobody

tess, you know i have none-too-polite things to say to people who can't keep their traps shut about situations that they can't understand. you also know i worship your parenting skills and hope that when i grow up i can be like tess.

as far as the dressing the same thing goes, my mom did that to my sister and i for a while (two years apart). it stopped when we were old enough to pick out our own clothes. yours will pick out their own clothes someday too. until then, live it up. it may be the only few years they wear things you don't consider absolutely hideous :).

don't most people around the world share a room with siblings, and in many places parents, grandparents, and even the odd cousin or two? having more rooms and everyone having their own room is a fairly new concept, isn't it? so are shrinks and group thearpy. hmmmmmm

Jill

I call my boys the Terrific Two, the Dynamic Duo, and the Cowboys. I dress them in clothes from garage sales, The Gap and Value Village (Thrift shops). Somedays they match, somedays they don't. They sometimes sleep together, sometimes alone, sometimes one is tucked into a dry bathtub on top of a comforter and the other is in the landry hamper.

From this all I can say is that no matter what I call my boys, no matter what they wear, no matter where they sleep, the most powerful and intrinsic emotion is ever present...they are loved so deeply and completely. Each parent makes the very best with what they have, and every household is different. But to "muse" to you about your choices...well, I only hope they haven't lost sight of the sacrifices you made, the choices you were faced and how the resulting decisions were made on faith, hope and pure love for your children. I adore reading your daily adventures with the "Six-Pack", especially when your share your parenting techniques.I've "borrowed" some of them (Seb's fav movie, meals of lentils and spinach and pumpkin...foods even I forgot existed). You're a doll! Much Love XOXO

Sonia

Hello Tess, I would like to invite you to make me a visit at my Blog "Leaves of Grass". Regards from Sonia, São Paulo, Brazil.

SheilaC

I think you are doing great, Tess. Those comments are silly, and don't deserve this much of your attention!

We call our g/g/b triplets the kids, the dudes, our trio, the gang, and "you guys"... anything but triplets. They get that label enough from the rest of the world. Most of our friends and family avoid that word too. I would prefer other people to call them "the ____ kids", especially to their children, rather than saying "Let's see if the Triplets can come over to play." (Although I do have a "Triplets on board" sticker on my van, so I guess I do like to brag sometimes.)

I am aware of the issue of treating multiple birth children as a unit instead of as individuals, and I'm not worried about it! I'm sure most parents of multiples have read plenty on the subject and are conscious of this concern.

I used to buy matching outfits for the girls, especially for dress-up clothes. I felt the same as you, it was irritating to have one looking nicer than the other, and I didn't want people to make comparisions.

However since they were about 3 1/2 and started choosing their own clothes most of the time, they seldom match and I've stopped buying matching things. I do sometimes get similar items in different colours, if available. And the three kids have red sweatshirts with their names embroidered on (a lovely gift), and we like those a lot when going out in crowded places. They are easier to spot and less likely to wander off and get lost. When those are outgrown, we will get a new set of matching sweatshirts or fleece tops. Maybe without names on.

Our three have always shared a bedroom, since they were newborns. Now at 5 1/2 we are planning to put our son in his own room, so they each will have more space for desks, clothing and toys in their rooms, and a bit more privacy.

But it's going to take a while, since I have to clear out and relocate my 2nd floor computer room, and it's a huge mess! Five years of unfiled papers and magazines... Ugh.

Best wishes to all 4 of your beautiful and very individual children. And happy Canadian Thanksgiving!

Elizabeth

Well, I have no children and no advice, but I just wanted to tell you that I've never had my own bedroom (shared with my parents, and then with my sister, and then with roommates at college, and then got married) but it has never caused me any sort of social problems. And I am plenty independent.

Brandy

Sorry people feel like they know how to parent YOUR children better than you. You do what is best for YOUR children (which you already do) and ignore these people. I can't believe they are even saying ANYTHING to you. You are a WONDERFUL mother. You tell them like it is!!!

Brandy

Brandy

Forgot some stuff I wanted to say, it has been a LONG day. I dress my boys the same some of the time (twins). I don't think the shirts they wear say "pay attention to me". Also, if people have a problem with your children sleeping in the same room, then they can buy you a bigger home. And while that are at it, they can buy me a bigger home too (my boys are in the same room).

carrie

As the oldest of 6, I can attest to the fact that you don't have to dress alike to get attention. Any parents who have more than 3 kids will get attention. When I was a kid in the car with my parents, people would point and start counting all of us. We would hold up 6 fingers. People said incredibly rude things to my mother about the number of children she had.
I feel fortunate for the experience and the love I had in my large family. I'm sure your children will feel the same and it will be a testament to your parenting skills (and M.C.'s).

brooke

hi tess, i'm a lurker.. and i appreciated your post.. only, a question.. whats wrong with putting jasper in a dress? really. shouldn't we let our children define their own gender? and what is wrong with a boy wearing a dress? gender identity is terribly fluid, and to keep kids in a box, in my opinion, only limits them. i know 2 kids who, at young ages, would tell their parents that they weren't he or she, that they were themselves, that they should be refered to as their name, not a pronoun. they were born male, but they are comfortable in all sorts of clothing. they aren't being limited in their identity by what society says they should wear. and its not a critisim of you, its just a thought i had when i read your post.

Jeff in Veg

Tess: Our gang has been "the clan" for several years.
Several years ago we took the five kids we had at the time (3 different skin colours) to Vancouver on the train. The whole family wore the same shade of blue T-shirt, on the simple grounds that we could spot each other.
Our experience with snoopy questions: are they yours? are they real siblings? hint: they're not plastic, they fight like they were born into the same family, and they don't belong to anybody else.
Logical questions: are you fostering? are you running a daycare? No and no: giving them back is too hard, so we made it permanent.
I know most people are curious and well-meaning, but ... MYOB!
My question: why do some people arrange the family names so that everybody has the same initials? Free choice, but I don't understand.

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