ode to kmm

when i was four i met one of my lifelong best friends.

marie lived next door to me. she was a grade older than me, so after school, if neither of us had friends over, we would play together. she had the COOLEST playhouse ever...it had RUNNING WATER and was TWO STORIES HIGH.

we moved when i was 10. three years later, when it was time for me to make my annual exodus from yellowknife (i would get infections and fevers from black fly bites), my mum asked marie's mum if i could come and stay. marie's incredible Christian parents said, of course.

(just like they said of course when my parents wanted to take their first holiday together since we had been born. marie's parents stepped in and invited pam, graeme and i to stay at their house for two weeks. they even took in our dog! i remember every night marie's mum made our dog a baked potatoe for dinner, with sour cream and onions and probably bacon bits as well.)

marie and i had a great summer. we did a lot of laughing and talking about beaus and being skittish teens, nothing serious...fun and food. west edmonton mall had recently opened, and we were mall rats, going to galaxy land and not having to pay for the rides because marie was so cute that the ride operators let us all ride for free.

the next summer, marie got a part time job. fortunately it was at an ice cream shop. and then the next summer, at mcdonalds. and then she was old enough for retail. each summer was a little different...took us a little closer to "growing up". each summer had a different cast of styles, songs, expressions, hangouts and boys. i can still remember them.

and then i turned 17 and my parents said i needed to start working as well. fair enough. the next summer i was in edmonton, upgrading.

over those four summers, we had maybe two serious talks. but pushed reality and unpleasantness away very quickly. she didn't ask about epilepsy or my family, and i was glad. it was all about endless summer nights, tanning with baby oil, sleeping in the trailer (and having neighbours chasing away the boys that came knocking on the trailer windows), and being young.

at times, i wanted to ask her questions. to really get to know her. but i didn't. asking questions might reveal how insecure i was. marie seemd to have an existence from a book...glossy blonde hair, cool second hand car her dad had fixed up for her, the entire collection of bobbsey twin books in the bookshelf, a piece of paper stuck to the fridge that read:

the three steps to success

1. start strong

2. keep going

3. finish well

during the university years, there wasn't a lot of contact. occasional phone calls became irregular calls.

i saw marie when she was the maid of honour at her sister's wedding. my mum and i agree that marie's sister was one of the most beautiful brides we had ever seen. almost as overwhelming was marie, who had tears coursing down her face the entire ceremony. one of the deepest exchanges we had shared came when she told me afterwards, "Everything is changing".

a while later, she met someone. and from the sound of her voice when we talked, i knew he was important. she sounded different than she had a year ago. they became engaged. she was ready for change.

huge surprise, she invited me to be a bridesmaid. i had teased her about it, but didn't think she would ask me. so when she did, i was delighted and accepted immediately. i stayed at marie's parents house with marie the night before the wedding. it felt incredibly special to be there. they had always treated me as family.

the next morning, i watched my friend transform herself into a bride, and later that day, a wife.

i was transforming too, and i had to leave the reception early to catch a plane to montreal for an interview that would take me to vancouver, to an asian pacific management course. i passed the interview, and was off to vancouver, and a short while later...hong kong.

marie didn't have internet, magnificent and i had no money, so there was little communication.

but when i got engaged, and was choosing bridesmaids, i immediately thought of marie, who was pregnant...with twins!!!!

i was looking at an online wedding advisory and the site advised that so not to put undue pressure on the person, ask them for a lesser role. if they say yes, then say, "great! wanted you to be a bridesmaid but didn't want to pressure you."

she was due in october, the wedding was 31 july...she declined. fair enough. and in october, delivered two divine girls.

somewhere down the line, after marriage, our discussions took on a serious level. when i saw her as an exhausted new mum. when she saw me as an exhausted new mum. she started it. told me how tough parenting was. it surprised me. marie...my cheerful, confident friend? daunted? i hope i said the right things. i don't remember if i did. but i could see our friendship was changing. and we were both ready for it.

the next time we met, sebastian was about four months old. i dropped him at marie's parents place during a whirlwind trip to canada, we hired a professional sitter to look after all three kids, and we went shopping. we did shop, but we also talked. five hours of sharing, laughing, and, confiding. real emotions. we were passed the, "i am really worried that i look fat in this", to which the other would respond, "well, i am really worried that i should have bought both colours of this skirt" stage.

i can be standing at the cash register at cinnabon (we still eat and shop when together...we have it down to a science...two small meals and one snack over a 10 hour period), look at marie and see the girl she was, the woman she is. she hasn't changed that much externally. but internally...

life has changed us.

love has changed us.

God has changed us.

learning has changed us.

it is a joy to be with marie. especially since our time together is short, we treasure it. we are both happy and know we are blessed. so we can talk about trials and how we solve them, multiples issues, marriage issues and anecdotes. all the while knowing this is a person i have known and laughed with for over 30 years. she knew me then, she knows me now. we know each other's issues, and insecurities. there is history, there is future. there is a depth to this friendship, an honesty, that makes me free to share. i dont' blindly adore marie like i used to, time has given me confidence, instead of trying to be like her, i am happy being me, so she now can see the real me i was too insecure to show all those years ago.

this last visit, where a salesperson asked if we were sisters, i told marie how much she meant to me. how i walk away from our visits happy, reminded of how lucky i am, and how good it is to be honest and share with her. she said, "i know".

it is no wonder that carys' middle name is marie. and may both my daughters, as well as c&e know the beauty of long term friendships.