it has begun

carys did not eat her lunch today.

indeed, she was hungry, but she refused to say "ta", "please" or "thank you" when offered her meal.

i know she is capable of saying all three. i have heard her use all three expressions.

but today she chose not to.

the battle of the wills has commenced.

i know i will win. in a few ways, i almost feel sorry for little lulu. i am more stubborn than she is. i will last longer than she does. but then i wonder...is this a battle worth fighting?

she was removed from the table after she started throwing a tantrum. jasper and cee cee were eating placidly away, and every time i approached carys and asked her to say "please" (or thank you), sela would automatically use the expression, even if her mouth was full at the time. carys has seen her sister be rewarded for using those same phrases she refuses, maybe she just needs a little more time than pavlov's dog.

after a while, it became evident that carys was not going to use a pleasantry. i was left with two options. suck it up or give in. i chose to suck it up. she obviously wasn't that hungry. i debated putting her straight to bed, but shayna suggested that since the others weren't going to bed, not to send her in either, and also, that i not confuse the issue...that the RESULT of the CHOICE carys made by not saying thank you, was not receiving food.

in case you are thinking i am terrible, (and mum, even before you asked if i was sure carys wasn't having a diabetic attack in her room from her low blood sugar, i knew i wouldn't be in your good books...), know that i am not expecting manners from all siblings because sela is a tiny robot. not true. i have heard them say please and thank you, and i know they can. they are choosing to disobey my request. choices have ramifications.

carys is some stubborn little girl. and i am grateful, because stubborn kids need stubborn parents, and voila! i fit that description. how lucky is she? and i would rather her learn now, over something as trite as dinner, than years from now, over a potentially disasterous decision, that there are choices for our actions.

but is this a battle worth fighting? you have to choose your arguments, and i am not sure this is the one to take on. will it be a case of i just have to get her to say please or thank you or ta or whatever once, and then she would be a bruised, repentant always polite person? i am so glad that God has been listening to my prayers to be a better parent, because i cannot do this alone.

i am glad carys is stubborn. that unwillingness to stop fighting saved my much loved little girl's life. she is an opponent worthy of my mettle. and if i do take her on, no doubt about it, i will win. i'm just not sure yet that i will.

Comments

[joeinvegas]

Are you sure you are going to win this one? But I am glad that you are teaching, it is nice to have a mother that really cares and tries.

[Lala]

O! the breathtaking beauty in those eyes! Keep fighting the good fight Tess!

[Viscouse]

Good on you for showing her one of the greatest gifts humanity has to offer: choice. Consequence is a lesson that must be taught along with it. Hopefully she won't talk her siblings into the same thing so they conspire against you. I also agree about the bedtime bit: no need to punish, simply show the consequence of choice.

To borrow a line from an old show...And so it begins...

[Auntie Pammie]

Ummmm since Carys and I not only look alike ( not as much as Grandad Blake mind you), but are similar in spirit, I'd say you've got your hands full Tess. I wish you all the best as I still say she is making up for the 90% of the non-survival odds she was given .
Sending you love xoxox
Auntie P

[Tertia]

ok, carys is secretly a little bit my fave, so it does my heart proud to see a little spunk there. tee hee, you go girl!

[knobody]

it's always difficult to pick your battles, because they usually get picked for you.

you say, "do it." they say, "no." you repeat the request, not quite so politely. the battle of wills has begun and you, being the adult, must win. of course you have to win, that's a no-brainer. the hard part is to figure out how to back down when it's not important. you can't do it once the event has been escalated, but you don't see the escalation happening until it's too late.

i know i do this all too often. then things become a battle of wills that really i should just let slide. once the battle is over i just have to decide, in advance, if it should be a battle next time. then i can opt out at the beginning, when i can do so with grace.

i hope zali will benefit from whatever miniscule amount of wisdom i aquire in raising sagan. but she probably won't. maybe next lifetime.

[Laura]

First of all.........they have hair!!

Secondly, I am totally on your side, it may be hard, but much better for her if you stick to your guns!

[Charmaine]

You know darling friend, I often find myself so grateful that I have you to struggle with these battles and work them out so I can watch, listen and learn. I have always admired your parenting skills and you continue to amaze me. It takes A LOT of time, energy and struggle to be a parent that can think of the long term goals with their child instead of giving into the little battles each day. Good for you!
In short, I admire you!