saturday charles and i took the family up to the peak for a charity fete benefiting orphans in china. there were stands, discounted toys and clothes, food and live performances. all four kids played the steel drums and some hide encased drums.
the live performances were pretty great, for the most part. except one number where these girls wearing shiny crop tops and suck tight low waisted pants came out and gyrated to a techno song. they could have been back up for britney. on the ground, kicking up legs, up again pushing hips out...
oprah and the much beloved nafan have a name for the little kids running around in crop tops and low waisted pants - prostitots. it is a fitting moniker. there are people who question how charles and i put pictures of the kids on the website, and request that we do not place pictures of their children on the website. no problem, i respect that. but when those same parents let their kid dress like jodi foster in taxi driver or paris hilton, i have to wonder if their concern isn't misplaced. what was that again? the majority of crimes committed against children are by someone they KNOW.
well, kids will be kids, shrugging parents say. and they're right.
just wait until you're there...you won't be able to do anything about it either.
all the kids dress like this teens explain.
it is always easier to criticise someone's parenting when their children are older than your own. i have never said to a parent, you let her wear that? because that is sort of a stupid question. if the kid is wearing it, obviously, they do. but the parents aren't happy about it. say they have no control. i don't know if that is true. i'm not there yet.
one friend told me how it fills her with pride when she sees heads turn for her daughter. my beautiful little girl! no kidding this girl is gorgeous, curly hair, dancer's walk, and massive basoombas, usually partially accessorised by a suck tight top. cleavage. charles wanted to say, "of course men are going to look! she's 12 and it's every pedophile's dream!"
what is our responsibility to those girls? i think it would devastate them if someone approached them told them what fantasies their clothes evoke. heck, i am not even a man...what do you fellows think. does a prostitot ensemble (on a teenager) evoke steamier thoughts than say a girl in jeans and a t-shirt? say it was the same girl. parents tell us out of concern that putting images of our children on the web is putting them in danger, but somehow i think it would be more upsetting if we said "your daughter is dressing for trouble". i don't even know if that is true!
when girls choose to dress as "not so much material girls", i don't think they do it knowing the fuss they create. they know they get looked at, but i dont think they know the thoughts they're creating. back when i was 14 i knew it was appreciated, obviously, but i didn't know the stuff that i was told later. i wouldn't have wanted to know.
fathers do know. charles has suggested that the girls don't wear midriff baring tops until they're 18. ditto sleevless or one sleeve tops. "i know the way men think." he says ominously.
it is very tough for a dad to go from being a consumer to a producer.
Tess...such a good post!! GIrls have no clue and neither do their parents for that matter...any parent who says "I have no control" has lost the sense that THEY ARE THE PARENT in the first place...the obviously never had any control. Fathers, this is a bigger point for you...they are your little girls that men are ogleing over...they are lusting and wanted to take your daughters for all they are worth...their virtue means nothing to these guys..does it mean anything to you??? You can have a profound impact on your daughter self esteem by NOT letting her wear those clothes...by protecting her and helping her to understand her own worth!!!
When you do reach that stage Tess, you will be able to handle it just fine..you already know how to say "no" and set limits and your kids will respect you then as they are learning to do now!!!!
Thinking about and knowing how you will react in 10 years is half the battle...xo lyns
Posted by: lynsey | November 22, 2005 at 12:02 AM
I agree, although I'm not sure that those girls are in as much danger from pediphiles as from other boys their age and older. It's not uncommon for kids to be having sex at 9, 10, 11 with boys that are their age or older. I think THAT'S a more realistic worry than molestation (even though I worry about that as well).
Sometimes it's scary having girls.
Posted by: Linda | November 22, 2005 at 12:48 AM
Parents have forgotten how to be a parent... They want to be their child's best friend, rather then be the dreaded parent that says no. It is a huge responsibility to be a parent, the love, teaching, yes, even the discipline. I think many parents are failing. Rowen was never allowed the "sexy" clothes until she was eighteen, no makeup until she was sixteen, luckily she wore a school uniform so it made it so much easier. We did have fights, arguments, disagreements, but I just kept letting her know that it was a rule she had to live with, just as I had rules that I have to live with. She is now twenty, and very aware of what she buys. I know that the middle & high schools here in town have started enforcing dress codes, how can a hormone racing pre/teen be expected to concentrate in a classroom when boys and girls are wearing "provocative" clothes. From what I have read of you and MC, I know that you both will do a wonderful job.
Posted by: Louise M | November 22, 2005 at 02:30 AM
The older guys know they are kids (well, sometimes hard to tell ages) but the older teens might think different thoughts. And the girls dressing like that know why they do it, even if the parents don't. So yes, dressing like that does lead to things not planned.
I think the average age for sex in the US these days is down around 14 or so, with stories of kids in some cities starting lower. Wow. Tell me if dressing like that doesn't help.
Posted by: joeinvegas | November 22, 2005 at 04:48 AM
I would hope, although I do not know, that if my daughter's dad is actually talking openly to her and allowing her the chance to honestly communicate, that she would have enough respect for herself to not HAVE to demand attention (by the way she dresses) from other male figures. I would hope that an open and honest father-daughter relationship would help, but I am not sure how that relationship is played out, exactly.
Posted by: instamom | November 22, 2005 at 08:32 AM
Guy here. I hear a lot about how parents are responsible how choosing how the kids dress & forcing them to do this or that.
Not having kids (yet) this may sound too idealistic, but should the proper thing to do is teach kids their self worth (as mentioned) and how clothing affects their image? Teach them consequence of actions, and illustrate things they perhaps have not thought of. Prepare them for what they are getting into, and hopefully, they'll see their own way to deciding if they want to be a prostitot or not. I've learned that you can't prevent a kid from doing what they want (mostly from personal experience). But you can be there when they need you, and do your best to prepare them for whatever.
Sorry I'm rambling. In summary, teach good values, teach consequence as preperation, and be empathetic. But that's me.
Posted by: Viscouse | November 23, 2005 at 01:23 AM
Working across from the local school here, where I can see their daily activities, I noticed a few prostitots ( a little older though ) in the warmer weather. Take a look at the facts, a recent study has found that sex shown on television has risen exponentailly in just the last 5 years. Sadly it has just become a part of our society, as well as sexual crimes against young girls has also seemed to become part of our society also. Connection? It seems like mainstream encourages it.
Posted by: nafan | November 23, 2005 at 12:01 PM