a friend of mine is engaged.

it's good news for both of them - they're both old enough to appreciate the gem they have in their soon to be spouse.

we've been expecting the engagement for a while, he's moving for school and they had talked about getting engaged, she's been asking a mutual friend how soon a church needs to be booked, and the same friend saw her with a bride magazine. so while i was delighted to hear the news, i certainly wasn't surprised.

i have heard all about the ring and seen a photo. really lovely. she has great hands, which helps.

the odd thing is, although they are engaged, she's not telling anyone because she wants to break the news at the big Christmas Eve bash she and her DINK friends are going to at a young married DINK's house.

her parents are sworn to secrecy. she really wants to save the news for Christmas Eve. and then she mentioned that she hates having to wear her ring twisted around (gem side down) and sometimes on another finger. forgetting what bride brain is like, i was foolish enough to ask her why she was waiting until CE.

"because i want to make the big announcement in front of a large crowd! everyone will be there! all our friends will be there and it will be the big news of the evening!" she replied, very honestly.

"do you need to make a sensation? why don't you tell them at another party?"

"well yes, i'm the bride! and besides, it wouldn't be fair to tell some people first. i need everyone together."

some people are scene stealers, no doubt about it. by the way, i was told about the engagement because i will not be at the Christmas Eve party, i am far enough away, i don't know her friends too well, and there is no chance that i will blurb out the big news before she is ready.

when magnificent and i got engaged, i was on the phone making long distance calls left right and centre. we were under a time constraint, we were waiting for JOSEPH AND THE TECHNICOLOUR DREAMCOAT to start, and were trying to cram in calls to both sets of parents before the lights dimmed for the final time. we called siblings during intermission. i can remember smiling during that entire performance and today, joseph is one of my all time fave musicals.

but my friend needs to make a sensation. and really, why not?

did you wait two weeks to announce your engagement at a public function??? would you? if so, why?

Comments

[courtney]

Delurking here because I really want to know what DINK is.

We waited until the next day to call our parents and siblings and mass email our friends because we wanted that night to be just us (husband has a tendency to stay on the phone forever with his family). I did see all my family three weeks later at my grandmother's 80th bday party, but although everyone was excited (but not really surprised) for us, the focus definitely wasn't on me. I hope I never had bride brain - no offense, but your friend seems a little self absorbed.

[Leggy]

That behavior is a little weird- maybe its been too long that I've had bride brain? We called parents that night, and called friends later that weekend. We were too excited to wait- plus our engagement came with no ring (that came later), so it wasn't like there was anything to show off.

Courtney, DINK is dual-income no kids.

[Louise M]

Joseph is my second favourite musical. Took both my kids to it when it was playng in Vancouver. David walked around for weeks afterwards singing "Go Go Go Joe", Rowen stills listens to the CD (even have the DVD).

Won't comment about the friend and her choice...

[lyns]

nope, rick proposed at a public function in front of the entire youth min. department...and by 6pm that night the enitre campus knew b/c there was another meeting that night that half the youth min. people were at and they couldn't wait to relay the story of how he proposed... in fact the running joke a that same function every year is "whose going to propose this year.." and that was almost 7 years ago!!!! Crazy...we are legends!!! He didn't do it to steal a scene...he did it so that I could be enganged my last two weeks of college and be able to share that w/ all my college friends!!!!
I wanted to tell the world....didn't have a ring until later..so all we had was our story... xo lyns

[instamom]

i don't even remember telling people! keith proposed on christmas eve at about 1030 pm and we had to be to a candlelight service with my parents by 1130. i said "oh my gosh! No way!" (meaning i can't believe this is happening, but keith interpreted it to mean 'no way'), and then i said "yes", and we were in the car and on our way. I remember I DID keep my ring with the diamond-side hidden until after the service, and then...i don't remember the process of telling after that. i was excited, but i figured everyone would find out sooner or later. i was kind of the same way when i found out i was pregnant, one at a time when i saw people. Yet, i remember getting all of my siblings together at once when i found out i was having quads...more for moral support than for shock/pronouncement value.

[joeinvegas]

Bride brain? Yes, one who thinks the world revolves (or should) around her.

[Liz]

We called our parents, then just send out a general email to everyone. Some people like attentions, not me.

[platypus]

delurking to say a friend of mine wanted to announce her engagement at my wedding. She only knew about 10 people there - her fiance knew none. I thought that a tad insensitive. Maybe it was my own bride brain but it was MY wedding with my friends and family. Luckily she didn't go through with it.

[Sol]

Oh boy... I think we never even got properly engaged. It was something very intimate, Paul bought me a beautiful ring and gave me the keys to his apartment in a tiny box on the same day.

They keys meant more to me than the ring... really! I knew how hard it was for this 35-year-old shy bachelor to give me free access to his kingdom.

We started casually talking and mentioning to people we wanted an April wedding at the CityHall and lunch afterwards with the family, that was it. No big wedding whatsoever, neither of us wanted any attention or a big party. We are both very low-key.

[knobody]

after almost 15 years i can't remember much of anything about how we told people the news. i remember telling marshall's parents and his dad made some comment about how it wasn't really a surprise to them. beyond that i can't really remember anything. then again, maybe that's why your friend wants what seems now like such a grandiose announcement. that way in 15 years she will be able to remember it :).