Dim Sum Mum - Tess' Little Pieces

j in k day 2

quick note: jasper still in the hosp k-7 wing, on continual oxygen. finally ate something and after 12 hours, did a wee, so no iv for jasper, which is a major blessing.

it is so busy. i am moderating a discussion next week and i had a conference call with them at 11.30. i got virtually no sleep last night, (nurses coming in every two hours to give medicine and check temp and bp) and soothing jasper took a long time and at 4.30am he woke up and didn't go back to sleep until 8am.

thank heavens for mothers, mum arrived at 8am and i raced back home, wrote a few emails (one incorrect and sent another to susan in canada when it should have gone to susan in hong kong) and re-wrote the last minute request from one of my editors. and then showered and tried to sleep, until the conference call, where i tried to sound like i knew what i was talking about.

back to the hospital, jasper nowrunning a fever...and everyone is wearing face masks and they hurt my ears, stay there until 2.30 then race home and take sebastian to another hospital for an ear appointment. the news is: he is getting grommets on monday. does anyone know anyone who has had grommets? but that is godo news. so come home and now trying to fight sleep.

finished the book THE CURIOUS INCIDENT OF THE DOG IN THE NIGHT TIME. v v interesting.

thanks everyone for your well wishes. like i said to someone the other day when she apologised for not sending birthday gifts...you have given us your prayers, and they mean so much more to us. thank you.

Jasper in hospital

A quick note to let you know that Jasper was admitted to the hospital on Monday with a chest infection. At this point we don't know what form - pneumonia or...? Thanks to the chicken pox infection JJ was given a private room. Tess was able to spend the night in the hospital on a cot next to JJ. We will update as we learn more. ~ Charles

hong kong olympics

i think the winter olympics are still on. i think. hong kong doesn't devote much attention to the olympics. the two local stations only cover olympic events during the evening and morning news; it is a two minute blurb. the cnn sidebar does give blurby updates, but so far i have yet to witness one entire event.

of cable televisions three sports channels, one of them has somewhat reluctantly pushed aside its snooker coverage to feature some olympic stuff. i watched a bit of the women's 30k ski, some of the giant slalom, two ends of the men's bronze curling game, and four long programmes from the women's ice skating competition. all in one hour! you have no idea if you are watching the winning runs, or if there was a specific reasons why you saw the second and third ends of the curling game. surely those weren't the two best?? some of the time i have to watch it muted, because the annoying commentary (in chinese) really exasperates me. i cannot imagine what they would have to contribute to the curling game, when the skip, third, or whoever is throwing the rock is explaining the strategy. yet the commentator talks over their huddles, where the team is talking in a language I UNDERSTAND, so say probably nothing at all in a language due to my own fault i don't understand. i would rather watch one event, than to see excerpts of seven. olympics are not a big thing, and the issues that are still big things in china are not big things in the rest of the world.

in hong kong and china, the crotch slamming pairs ice skater who won the silver is MUCH bigger than any of the american skaters. the chinese fellow who won the skiing freestyle event is huge. yet no where else. it's interesting to recognise how much our interest in athletes comes from american or canadian news stations.

after showing us blurbs, the cameras switch back to the studios where the three teenage commentators sit in a studio possibly meant to be an iceburg. it is blackish purple and grey white, and their desk sort of looks like an iceburg and it looks like there are iceburgs in the background. they wear mismatching outfits...yesterday one girl had a moss green turtleneck jumper and a violet vest with fur around the collar. one of the girl had half a princess leia hairdo yesterday, and the roll was at the front of her face just off her forehead.

olympics are meant to be about bringing the countries of the world together, but in watching the chinese version of olympic coverage, i find myself so exasperated and confused that i am going to stop watching sports and watch again with renewed appreciation lost in translation.

Happy Birthday to the Terrific Trio

Today marks the Terrific Trio's second birthday. Since we have a chicken pox attack wafting its way through the house, the celebrations will be delayed a few days or maybe even weeks. Tonight I walked into their bedroom and thought back two years... it was Sunday night and they were almost twelve hours away from being born. The situation with Tess seemed to be status quo, and we thought that just maybe we could squeek another week or two out of the pregnancy. But over the course of the next twelve hours the preterm labour picked up it's pace, and by about 4 to 5 AM the writing was on the wall: the triplets were going to be born. Two years later they have done amazingly well, praise be to God, the incredible healthcare we received from the Queen Mary Hospital NICU and the support from our friends and family. A special mention goes to Lita, Mila and De, who day in and day out for twenty-one months have provided the Terrific Trio with extraordinary, reliable, consistent care.

JASPER, 2.2 lbs (l) at birth; February 2006 (r) playing with a balloon.

SELA, 2.1 lbs (l) at birth; February 2006 (r) doing Wiggles moves.

CARYS, 1.65 lbs (l) at birth; February 2006 (r) doing Wiggles moves.

You've come a long way babies.
We're proud of you and love you!

short post

magnificent is back from his india road trip and it is good to have him back. i have missed the man.

today he gave me my valentines' day present. (his has not arrived yet...argh!)

every year we have been together, mc has made me a collage compiled of pictures we have taken over the past year. there are hearts, a cheeky little message and lots of smooches. and i keep each of the collages, and every year as i take the old one down, i hang in in my closet where i can look at the pictures and smile as i try to pair up the shoes that my children have re-arranged. i love my annual collage, and this year's was great. so many more real smiles than the last two years. 2004 saw smiles of relief, tenderness and love....2005 had smiles of joy. and not just my own.

possibly the best "storebought" present i have received from mc in years also arrived today. he bought me a pale pink long sleeved NASA shirt (like a long sleeve tee) with writing on it that announces in a rather blase font: i need my space.

could that be any more perfect?

could i be any more thrilled? well yes, when he gets his present, but good things come to those who wait. and in my space, i will!

of mothers and me

i went to my parenting course tonight. a couple of the questions asked of us are going to stay with me for a while, which is why i am awake right now instead of sleeping happily or reading vanity fair.

1) if you could only have one memory of you and your mother, what would it be?

2) what traits do you want your children to remember about you?

3) what is one area in parenting where you are doing a good job?

question one is a tough one for me, i don't want to do my mother a disservice by forgetting one of the great times we have shared together. there are memories that evoke security, laughter, easy contentment, the realisation we had both grown away from holds of the past. there are memories where i am just watching her jogging by the house, with her friends. and those memories stayed with me, of how people flocked to her, became interested in her interests, and how she managed to get up at 6am, run by her friends houses where each waited outside and jog 4 miles, bathe and still have breakfast on the table for us by 7.30am all those memories are important, so it is tough to choose just one.

as for question two: i would like my children to remember me as someone who could admit when she was wrong. someone who loved God and acted like she knew God loved and forgave her and was part of her daily life. someone who loved and liked her children, and her husband. to quote a great mother i know, "someone who raised her children so they would one day leave the home equipped with God, knowledge, compassion, discernment, curiousity and love."

one area i am doing a good job. this is a tough one because i mainly focus on where i am failing or sounding like a shrew. um...i think i am getting across to my children not only the love i have for them, but the like i have for them. particularly sebastian. he gets off the bus, and as often as i can i am there, to give him a big hug and my pat statement, "i am so glad to see you". i am not interested so much in what he has done since i last held him to hug him goodbye, i am interested in letting him know that i am glad to see him again. full stop.

i am constantly surprised by the guesswork involved in parenting. and the responsibility. and how each day i can get up and say, "i am going to do the best i can do", and console myself that my best can be better tomorrow. and sometimes it is, and sometimes it isn't.

do our kids remember that we tried hard? does that count? do i just remember that my parents tried hard because i feel that they "succeeded" in being good and loving parents?

oprah and maya angelou say, "parents who know better, do better." is that true? it is a terribly empowering rah rah statement, that is catchy and yay, but i don't know if it is true. sometimes i am too tired to follow through on my parenting. i hear a scuffle, and i don't get up and investigate. sometimes even though i have uttered, "the next time you (insert sin here), i will (insert punishment here)" and i don't. i pretend i didn't hear the crime, or see it. i suspect i am not the only one who does this, but does this put me in the category of person who doesn't know better? can't i be a person who as often as she has the energy, does better? because that's where i fit.

round deux

...and what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a massive fever and eight tiny spots clear.....

ah yes, i was changing carys today and i saw that several spots had appeared on her wee, hot self. one on her hairline, one on her arm, one on her face and one on her bottom. it has been suggested that since sebastian and carys have had such mild cases that they are likely to get it again. great, what's the good news!

like sebastian, she is not itchy, but she still has the diahhrea.

it's pretty tiring right now, must admit i am knackered.

so on to trivia..

did ANYONE see that chinese pairs ice skater fall right bang on her crotch today? and then five minutes later win the silver? if not, watch the news...her partner threw her incorrectly, and she landed ackwardly and then boom, smack on her crotch. it would be like being dropped on to a boy's bicycle from 10 feet. ow. objectively speaking, the rest of the programme did have several technical flaws, but the fact that she continued was amazing. talk about mental toughness, and here i am exhausted by my obligations. yikes.

also saw a very sweet boy who looked about 18 win a speedskating gold, an american by the name of cheek? cutie patootie, nice smile and very happy. nothing nonchalant about him. he was thrilled to get the gold. as he should be.

laura - we are trying to leave you messages but don't have your email and your blog won't let us...

thx!

HAPPY VALENTINE's DAY...and to you too, magnificent....bring me home some samosas.

recent legislation

extend your sympathies to some of hong kong's pet owners.

as of today, it is illegal for hong kong residents to own or keep chickens/roosters/geese/ducks on their property. and some residents are fuming because they claim their c/r/g/d/ are pets, and do not deserve to die.

tough! says the hk sanitatation department signs, "let's fight bird flu together".

why can't a chicken be a friend? westerners find the concept of a chicken being a pet is just as foreign as the vietnamese accepting that westerners having dogs as anything else but food. i am glad that the government is doing it's bit to prevent avian flu, but i do feel sorry for people who have to kill off their pets or risk a fine and get their pets carted away.

hong kong's mini buses have recently been fit with seatbelts. the promotional signs encouraging people to buckle up read, "fasten your seatbelt! zero traffic accidents is hong kong's goal!"

because i am too overwhelmed right now (and i am busy) to think about the bearing issues in my life, i had to concentrate on the smaller ones, such as "hmm, that statement isn't really accurate, is it. fastening seatbelts won't prevent traffic accidents so much as the severity of them."

but then again, you are talking to someone who doesn't drive a vehicle. but i am right, aren't i?

are you worried about avian flu? how big do you predict it will be?

david vs goliath

today carys was feeling a little better, not good enough to play outside, but good enough to leave my arms for a bit.

at 4.30 she was rummaging in a drawer the kids know not to play in. something crashed out and i exclaimed (too loudly) CARYS!

the little miss turned around and burst into tears.

i gave her a cuddle, a long one. at the end of it, i asked her to put back the bag that had dropped to the ground. she looked at me, started crying again and said, NO.

i asked her again and received the same answer.

time out time.

then back to the bag, request politely to pick it up.

she said NO.

i started singing the clean up song and demonstrated how to put the bag back. put my hand over hers to put the bag back. she jerked her hand and said NO.

i sat down on the ground with her for 90 minutes and held her while she cried. she looked so sad and determined and angry. i was all of those things, plus i had a sore bum from sitting on the floor.

at some point jasper, sela and sebastian returned from the playground. all were very surprised to see carys and i on the floor and her sobbing her eyes out. sela in particular was concerned, and tried to put the bag back in the cupboard and shut it's doors. i let her do it to demonstrate to carys just how easy the task actually was, but the little girl just kept saying NO.

i called friends, women who have done a fabulous job raising their kids and they kept saying the same thing, persevere.

after 90 minutes of persevering a friend commented, "you're letting her win because she is holding up your life. don't you have a dinner party to go to tonight?' well actually yes i do.

so i got ready, told carys i was leaving and hoped when i came back she would have put the bag away. gave her a long cuddle, disappeared for five minutes. returned to find status quo.

i have never had a battle of the wills like this with sebastian. and even worse, i had to go and leave it unresolved. and with carys being sick and having diahhrea, (and probably dehydrated after two hours of tears pouring down her face), i couldn't put her to bed without dinner. no way.

i talked with steph and she confirmed that even though the stupid bag wasn't going to end up in the stupid drawer, the two hours i had spent with carys had not been in vain. she still realised what she had done was wrong and that she did not get her normal routine (bath, play, dinner with siblings) because of it.

she did eat her dinner...i was happy to see that....and i made a point of being the one who put her to bed. don't go to bed angry is a great resolution for a marriage, and also with your children. today was the first time i really had to put it into practise with the triplets. not surprised it was carys.

long day. those two hours were emotionally draining. you start questioning yourself: does she understand my command? is she too tired to think straight? is there a difference between breaking will and spirit? i think sela and jasper will be more maleable than lulu, but i could be fooling myself. i do know that i will find out sooner than i want to.

do we ever get over it?

it has been very good for me to hold my sick little carys this past 24 hours. the racing bundle is quiet and hot in my arms, a painful exhale coming through her cracked dehydrated mouth every once and a while. holding her, smoothing back what little of her hair there is, placing tiny kisses on her face, it's all good.

and timely.

prematurity is on my mind again.

i have met online a couple going through their own preemie hell. they chose a very unusual name for their son, ironically my nephew has the name name. i feel close to them, but as they describe their NICU days, i find myself clenching my fists, chewing my lip.

i am reading a memoir of a mum who had a son in the NICU for a few short days. reading of how every day and hour counts when you are desperately trying not to give birth (after desperately trying to get pregnant) and then seeing your precious baby, or what the tapes and tubes aren't covering...it brings it all home again.

the other night we had a dinner with another couple who knew a lady with twins. her boys were born the same day as the triplets were. i had met this woman back in june, and when she confirmed that my babies had been born the same day as hers, she leaned forward and said, "i heard you crying. i asked if there was anything they could do for you. they said no. but i heard you crying tess."

when the lady recounted that story to me i started crying right then and there. mainly because i didn't remember the crying...had i cried in the hospital ward? mainly because i remembered the fear of that day. the pain of the caesarean (which was infected), but trying to walk because i needed to get to the babies. but being afraid to see their pictures. not wanting to see the damage my damaged body had caused them.

and i had a happy ending to my story. it seems i don't have the right to make this a bigger drama than it was...sick children that went on to be healthy. my children lived. and i am quite certain that thanks to God and therapy i am over the post traumatic stress i experienced after the babies came home and my mind took in all that had occurred to us.

but it is all so tender to me still.