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June 10, 2006


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When my mother died I could only bear to call one of my friends. The rest I told after the funeral (I hated breaking the news--so I procrastinated that, plus I was so overwhelmed b/c it was sudden and unexpected). For me it was very hard in the beginning, as it is for Marie, but once all the family, friends and food are gone and you're left with your own grief--that's when it helps to be able to be with your dearest friends. so I'd say that saving it for the tess-marie holiday fund is a wise move, and take that holiday in the next 6-8 months or so. somewhere peaceful. and tell her it takes about 2 years before she starts to feel herself again --I think too many people believe that in a couple of months they should feel just fine, and it's absolutely not true. Healing takes a long, long time. Never rush it, let it run its own course at its own pacae. i think knowing that the two of you can get together when 'things calm down' would be a great comfort to her--although she may also want you there now, and I can understand that too. but if you two decide to get together later, don't feel like you've failed her. absolutely not! she will need as much love and listening ears in the next year or two as she will right now.


I was going to say the same thing Polly did. While I have (thankfully) never dealt with the loss of a parent myself, I have a friend who has. And it was after all the activity and guests had gone home...when the silence became deafening...that she needed me the most and I went to her side.

About Jacob. I've included a few entried about him on my blog, too. I just cannot stop feeling so heartbroken for Heather and the rest of their family. And I am in constant awe at the strength of their faith. Simply amazing.


Thanks for posting about Jacob. I saw your words on the TC website as well. I have been praying for him and his family daily, and many times today. I'm struggling to share their faith, that whatever happens, Jacob will receive his miracle and will be healed.

It's so joyful and bitter-sweet to look at the photos of him and his brothers together, and his beautiful smiles, and to pray for them. Jacob, Devin and Brandon are very close in age to our trio. I believe that their bond, their relationship will not be broken even by death. But that death is still terribly painful to contemplate. I'm praying for the whole family, and especially for earthly healing for Jacob.

I'm sorry about your friend's loss. I know a little of how you feel, that it's hard to offer support from far away. I am sure your friend appreciates your emotional support, your willingness to listen to her feelings and to offer words of encouragement and faith when she needs them. You will still be a true friend and a source of strength and peace of mind for her. And I hope you get to take that vacation at a time that is good for both of you.

In sympathy,


Jacob is now healed in heaven, he passed away Sunday night. Please keep his family in your prayers.

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