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October 25, 2006

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Louise M

I have a photo of David wearing a dress when he was 4. It was Christmas Day, we were at my MIL's, his sister and three female cousins (no other young boys there) were all wearing very pretty Christmas dresses and David wanted to wear one as well. His cousin Natalie leant him hers to wear... Very cute

Sorry, don't buy the 2nd son theory. Know many 1st borns who are gay. It is a matter of genetics, not because they wore dresses and played with dolls when they were small. If Charles is concerned about the dress thing, consider buying Jay a kilt.

SheilaC

Re: Jay, it sounds totally normal. Our son Robbie is the boy in our g/g/b triplet set, and when he was 2 and 3 years old he sometimes wanted to wear girl shoes, and have pretty things in his hair. He just wanted to be doing the "special" things they were doing, and be part of the "in" crowd, who are all girls at our house, and who like to make a fuss about dressing up in pretty things. It's good that Jasper has an older brother to provide another role model or peer to imitate. I'm sure it will balance out in time.

When the kids are dressing up for church, parties etc. it will help if you have some shiny black oxford-type shoes for J, so he can stomp around in "party shoes" too. And you could find a dress shirt, pants with a belt, or a nice sweater similar to what his dad and brother are wearing, so he can imitate them.

He will understand gender differences a lot more clearly when he's 4 and 5, and will most likely want to wear "boy things".
For toddlers, I believe it's fine to experiment with every kind of dress-up clothes and regular clothes. You've got to have the freedom to try on all kinds of different roles, so you can discover your true identity. (Same reason Halloween and other costume parties are fun for adults too.)

Still it made my husband squirm a little (and chuckle too) when our son Robbie dressed up in a ballerina skirt and crown and said "Look, Daddy, I'm a QUEEN!" with great delight!

Please can you post a picture of Jasper with his hair clip? He sounds so sweet.

karyn

Just yesterday my two year old boy was wearing a witch hat and a beautiful apron like a dress. He LOVES looking pretty like his sister.

Not convinced on the second-born son thing, though. My daughter's godfather is gay, and he is the eldest boy in his family. The second born is a manly farmer-type.

What will be will be.

Gudrun

I don't buy the second boy thing either. A family I knew very well has 4 kids: boy, girl, boy, boy. It is the fourth child (3rd boy) who is gay.

Something I had heard about in the past was that there was a correlation between maternal stress and homosexuality in boys. Apparently when a pregnant woman has lots of stress hormones circulating through her body during pregnancy, it impacts the development of the brain in a way that leads toward homosexual tendencies.

The mom of the above family was astounded when I suggested this to her, and revealed that she had had happy pregnancies with her first three, but with the fourth, her husband threatened abuse when he found out she was pregnant -- he really didn't want another one, and insisted she terminate. She didn't, and clearly gestated under lots of stress.

joeinvegas

Go Carys! Who will win this one?

Elaine

More doubt to cast on the second boy theory: I know a family where the first AND third boys are gay, the second is straight.

Lowa

This is fascinating stuff. I also heard what Gudrun said. About the stress. And it is not just any time during pregnancy, they think it is during a certain period. If memory serves, somewhere during the space of maybe two weeks, during the 1st trimester. Just during that window is apparently when there is a strong chance of the male turning out to be gay.

I have three brothers and all of them are incredibly manly. The one who is closest in age to me, wore my pretty things in his hair, played with my dolls, etc etc. He is just fine!! It is fun to look at pictures of him copying me and being dressed similarly to me. I am glad my mother did not panic and allowed him to do that, I think that is healthy.

I have a 7 1/2 year old son and his sister is 16 months younger. They are best friends and constantly play "girl" and "boy" things together. He has not asked to wear a dress since he was about two, and has not dressed up in her bride costume since he was about four. He has also stopped wearing nail polish and doesn't play with her female friends and her as often anymore. We let girls do "guy" things. People are naturally curious (like your girls wanting to pee standing up like their brothers and their Dad can) and we need to encourage that, not stifle it. I think we need to allow them freedom in exploring both genders and they will be fine. Sounds like you are doing just that!

I HAVE heard, that if a man is concerned about a son being gay, the son can be tuned in to those worries and it may actually have something to do with him in fact leaning toward actually being gay. Who knows how much truth there is to that. My husband is similar to Charles and has relaxed since I read that to him (don't remember where it was). I also heard it has a lot to do with how close and loving father/son relationships are.

Sorry so long!

Carol

Tess, Maddy had a fairy princess costume for Halloween. Mac said she was Queen Madeline. When I put the crown on, he called me Queen Gwamma. Then he said, Mackey's turn, Queen Mackey. Charmaine said, "Oh, I don't think your daddy will like this one!" But, as you say, they are just children who like pretty things.

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