when my brother was very little, he stuttered. there is the old family story of the time we were getting our portraits taken and the photographer said, "say cheese, everyone!" and the camera flashed and the shot was taken.

the light still blinding us, pam and i ran off in different directions, and graeme was still standing there, saying, "ch..ch..chchchch...ch..chch..."

with a lot of diligence, patience and repetition, my mum, all by herself, trained graeme out of his stuttering. i can remember her bending down, looking into his eyes and saying to him whenever he started to get his words tangled,

"stop speaking. think about what you want to say. speak slowly."

not bad life lessons if you think about it. ones that frugal blake has always lived by, i might add.

i can't put a time frame on it, but graeme's stuttering eventually stopped. we never teased him about it, because it was the way he was. it wasn't funny, we saw how much trouble it caused him. but mum's continual gentle reminders trained graeme out of the stuttering. very impressive. she got us to say it to him as well, so at school or walking home we could remind him as well.

sebastian has a thing that i need to be training him out of. it is one of those traits that kids will start noticing and commenting on soon. his teacher said that he doesn't do it much at school, but when he does, she stops him.

obviously this is different than a stutter. it isn't something like picking your nose, it is just a thing that could get him teased. being the ever protective mum, i don't want that. so mag char (who also noticed it) and i talked about it and when we see him doing it, we remind him not to and give him alternatives.

what line differentiates a mum between a perfectionist who was continually harping and a mum who really helped you? the seriousness of the issue? the success of the initiative? if they recognise the issue needs to be taken care of?

anyone? anyone?

Comments

[knobody]

last year sagan got teased in school because of his echolalia. this year he seems to have stopped on his own at school. at home, however, he still copies his sister (usually when she is whining). i can't tell if it's echolalia, something that's involuntary for him like stuttering was for your brother, or if it's sibling rivalry and copying just because he knows it gets to me.

last year i was more like your mom. gently reminding him not to copy. this year, since he has stopped at school, i tend to run out of patiences with him when he does it. i'm sure part of that is me being annoyed at the whining from both kids. part of it is the fact that if he has stopped at school, he should have stopped at home, which leaves me believing that he's just teasing his sister and not echoing her.

where is the line? probably somewhere in my attitude. when it was a quiet reminder i was probably the helpful mom. now that i'm simply annoyed at the behaviour i'm probably not all that helpful. thanks for the reminder.

[Auntie Pammie]

Tess, I will help any way I can, call me so we can talk about it..
BTW tonight is the second last AMaz Race..cannot wait.
Love,
me xo

[Jody]

I have no idea where that line is. It's tricky, especially because there are some constants about kid behavior, but some differences, too. Stuff that I remember being social death in grade school just don't seem to phase kids these days.

This really is one of the great struggles as kids get older -- because a parent's criticisms can be worse than a peer's. But it sounds as if you're being matter-of-fact and kind about it, so what else to do?

We have had issues more along the lines of, "it's good that you like that, but some kids might tease you" and I never know when to say something (and risk making the child self-conscious unnecessarily) and when to stay silent.

Best wishes.

[joeinvegas]

Yes, hard to figure out what is what, especially for a loving mom that wants the best for her kid.
Just be careful.

[Carrie Jo]

The kindness and patience that you show in your actions, body language, and words in make all the differece in the world.