falling short of the mark?

i have had a couple of reminders in the past few days that jasper, sela and carys are not your average almost three year olds.

friends of ours just returned from Christmas vacation. we spent some time with them and they had their 2.5 year old son over at our place. the kids were all standing around being kids and suddenly our friend noted, "was our son taller than your kids when we left on holidays?" we said we werent sure.

"'cause look at him now!" said the father. sure enough, their sweet son, who is 8 months younger than our kids, is a good two inches taller than my youngest three.

jasper, sela and carys will be three next month. and i cannot think of them in terms of adjusted age anymore. this is them. we're getting a clearer picture of what the limitations will be. and since several of you have been asking, here is an update.

carys is starting speech therapy soon. she is going to need grommets as well, we think, and a good deal of her speaking problems seem to come (in my professional opinion) from her adenoids or around that area. she still is stiff on one side of her body and she still swings and drags her right side a bit when she runs. she is in about the third percentile for growth and weight. she is being reevaluated for cognitive therapy. her stacking skills are getting better but she still cannot identify a lot of the things the doctor said she should be able to or hold a pen or draw as well as she ought to.

sela is doing well, her language development is good and she is very interested and aware in the world, although her overinflated opinions as to her importance still exist. i don't have a lot of concerns for sela.

jasper, hard to say because what is inability and what is laziness? and sometimes when i should be urging jasper along and helping him to learn them by making him do things himself (ie:putting on his socks_) he takes so long that i just do it for him. i don't think he needs speech therapy, his lisp will go away in time and we don't encourage it. (which is tough because it is very cute). he is also being reevaluated for cognitive therapy, and i will not be surprised if they say he needs extra lessons as well.

the growth thing bothers me a bit, a lot....it bothers me indeed. not that basketball scholarships were part of the plan, and not that i pay a lot of attention to those magazines that state that taller people make more money and get better jobs, etc, the height thing is a reminder to me. they're still behind. they're not normal. they're still preemies.

the dr is saying that they should all take a growth hormone that will give them a couple of inches, but still they're not predicting the girls will be taller than 5'5. and jasper, 5''7. my own little tom cruise. how glib. the hormone will delay puberty, which will cause it's own problems, remember the teen years when the slow developing girls weren't wearing bras and getting teased about it? and then the boy whose voice was the last to crack was getting laughed at or told to sing with the girls in the soprano section (by the teacher!)

and it could be so much worse. you've seen the pictures of them racing about and hear the frustration in my writings...you can tell they are perfectly normal two year olds in many senses of the word.

so why is height one of my shortcomings? 

Comments

[knobody]

that's an easy one. you are tall. okay, you don't think you're tall because you're not 5'11, but from where i stand, several inches below you, you are tall pretty tall. yeah, it would be nice to be taller than 5-4, but it's a livable height most of the time. my mil is 4'10" and finds that height just fine. she says there are plenty of advantages to being short (although i'm not sure what they may be).

as for the last girl to wear a bra, well, i don't remember her getting teased. i *DO* remember the first (okay, probably the third) girl to wear a bra being teased horribly all the way from fifth through ninth grades.

whatever you do for them will be just fine. there is no right or wrong answer. they will turn out okay (well, unless they go emo, can't help you there).

[rae]

Tess
I'm sorry for the reminders. Its hard.

[Boulder]

Simple. That is what moms do. If they said they'd all be 6'6" you'd likely feel similarly, because you don't want things to be harder than already can be.

I was one of the early puberty ones. Can't say I'd recommend that route. :)

You'll manage well. I have faith.

xoxo

[Leggy]

First, I'm sorry that there are health issues that are concerning and worrisome. I wish there was a magic way to make them have no ill-effects from their early NICU days.
Maybe the concern re: height is because its easier to worry about that than some of the cognitive/developmental stuff? Also, I think its hard as a parent not to find something to worry about. We want our kids to have it easier than we did- to never get picked on or feel different. My son sometimes approaches older kids (like 12-13 year olds) and asks to play with them and doesn't realize that sometimes they mock him. It breaks my heart, even though he's oblivious at this age. I know that's a silly example compared to health worries, but sometimes its just hard to cope with knowing that our children may have tough times ahead (whatever the circumstances) because our instinct as mothers is to make it all better.
On a lighter note, any big birthday plans? Are the kids getting it this year or are they relatively unaware?

[Sonia]

hi Tess,

I have been missing you on HP so I wanted to come over and say hi. I am sorry, the reminders are hard. I am in denial and don't even want to think how far behind Isaac might be. The height issue is hard too, esp. for boys. I am just praying that our children's hearts will be so filled with the love of Jesus that their delays won't affect them too much as they grow up. Hugs and love,

Sonia

[Maggs]

Eh, my Miss A is in the 10th percentile for height. She'll be short like her mum. They'll catch up.

Their vocabulary, what you put here, is downright amazing. I am always amazed.

But, you know, you and Mag Char always amaze me anyway.

XO

[Carrie in MN]

ahhhhh Gotta love all those mom worries eh??? You are not alone in worring about those issues. Have those same things here as you know. But, with parents like you and Charles, your kids have NO disadvantages. As far as height goes.... speaking as a less than tall person myself, Ive never had to duck thru a doorway! I love you my friend!

[SheilaC]

I am sorry for these painful reminders, and your distress. Okay, your kids have a few more concerns than our trio of 30-weekers did. But our gang were still significantly delayed at 3 years old, for gross motor and for speech, and M for growth (5th to 10th percentile). They did a lot of catching up between 3 and 4, and received a little bit of speech therapy and by 4 1/2 they were reaching their averages, and were discharged from the follow-ups. M caught up in height quite a bit from age 5 to age 6, and is now only an inch shorter than her siblings, and not the smallest in her class.

What I mean to say is let the therapists do their thing, and I'm sure it will be very helpful. But your kids are not nearly done with the developmental spurts and the catch-up work - they have the potential to be a lot closer to their peers by kindergarten age.

Also, I am only 5'4" and my sister is 5'2", we both were very late bloomers, and it's not much of a problem at all. Don't worry about the height thing for now! It's just not a problem for most "petite" people.

I think God made each of your children perfectly beautiful, with unique gifts and personalities, which will shine out in any crowd - as you and Charles do on this crowded internet.

God bless you and your wonderful family,

[Dad aka Grandad Blake]

They might end up being short in size but long in love.I have never known happiness to be measured only in height.Give them love and healthy food ( I will take care of the Frostys and fast food)and you will have kids in the top percentilles of happy living.
Love, Dad

[CariP]

Exactly what your dad said...

It is hard to think our kids won't be what we hoped/wished they could be. But I have no doubt from reading what you and Charles write that they will be loved and filled with the joy of life, no matter what!

[Brandy]

Hi Tess,
It has been a long time since we talked. We are about to hit the three year old mark also. I can't believe it. Both of ours are still very small. Blane is 29 1/2 lbs and 35 3/4 inches and Dylan is 26 1/2 lbs and 36 inches. Dylan finally hit the growth charts at 10% in weight and height. Blane is 25% for weight and 10% for height. Dylan started daycare four weeks ago and they were putting him in the one year old class because he was small. I put an end to that real fast. I was very unhappy. We get our results from the public school district next week for Blane. He will be starting special ed program (3 to 5 year olds) after their third birthday. I am sure I will be very upset when we leave the meeting. I know he is severely delayed but I don't like someone telling me. You know? Anyway, just wanted to tell you that I am still here with you. Hang in there.

[sue stoltz]

Tess - Huge hugs!!! you've been through so much with the kids and you've all overcome so many hurdles. I'm sure you just wish some days for a magic button that will 'adjust' everything.

I'm sorry to hear about the cognitive issues etc. but I am certain you and charles will help the kids achieve their potential.

I have to say that height is a subjective thing at best. There are so many other things that are relevant to life's opportunities.

fyi - my mom and sister are 5 ft 2. My mom's sisters are 5 ft 8.

by the way - as for career opportunity - My "short" sister is a manager with IBM .

As for "short" boys - My husband's dad is maybe 5 ft 6 1/2 (just slightly taller than me). He married a wonderful woman who is about 5ft 8 without heels.

I"m 5 ft 5 - and I was a 'late bloomer' & yes there is some teasing if you don't get the boobs etc when everyone else does. But there's lots of teasing to go around with girls no matter what your scenario. Girls from grade 7 on are just wicked sometimes. That's life.

[Doni Brinkman]

This AZ Auntie is quite proud of the triumphant triplets! I read your list and thought "Wow - they are doing great! Even little Carys is holding her own!" CP started out such a scary word but even as it stretched their boundaries, Carys and Ty have overcome. They DO walk - they DO run. Ty's gait is a little awkward when he runs but HE RUNS :). Thank you Jesus for these great blessings!