places in the heart

lots of heart posts lately. i feel like an overzealous hallmark employee swishing around getting ready for 14 feb.

but this past week has been difficult.

1) tuesday we got an email stating that a close relative had been injured in a serious accident. please please readers, as one who got epilepsy as a result of not wearing a helmet, and as one who has a living relative BECAUSE HE WAS WEARING A HELMET...please, WEAR YOUR HELMETS. parents, enforce that rule.

talking to them, charles and i heard phrases like, "wondering if....live or die..."  "worst five minutes of my life" "exhausting trying to balance life and work and hospital". three very true statements and their voices, although brave, attested to the fact they were weary. i'm just so graetful that this loved relative is alive, we're feeling all emotional, not even imagining how the parents are feeling.

but, coming up to three years ago, it was charles and i in that position. and for six weeks, we were wondering if three of our kids were going to get a chance at this world. so that has been lingering with us.

2) jasper went in for a grommet/ear tube operation yesterday. a pretty basic operation and he was definitely charming. but at one point, at around 8am, before the operation, he got a little scared and blurted out that he wanted to call terri and odila. so i let him have his familiarity (he is a social boy) and he left terri a message and spoke with odila. (woke her up, but she didn't mind.) then it was time to head down to the er. after he came out of the operation, he got very sad and homesick. we called lita and sebastian, and as jasper was given the phone he said, "i love you lita and " he started to say, "i want to come home" but burst into tears instead and could only manage noisy squeaks. many hugs, and only doing a poo in the toilet could cheer him up.

a couple charles and i have met because they are living their own nicu hell, came up to deliver a packet of crayons and a colouring book to jasper. i had mentioned he would be having the operation, and she remembered. i can't believe the kindness of people, who amidst their own hell, remember others. that so touched me.

thankfully, today jasper was released. all staff members were charmed to meet jasper and his siblings, who happily trooped to the hospital to hug their brother and exclaim that they loved him.

3) we came home with the intention of picking up the grocery list and heading down to park n shop. we burst into the flat and sebbie exclaimed, "olivia just said how glad she is that jasper is back!"

a nice sentiment, except, olivia hadn't said that at all.

olivia, our cat of 10 years, died this morning, between 9am-10.30am.

olivia.

i have suspected (and voiced to many of you) my fears that olivia was getting sicker. she just wasn't as interested in things as she had been a few months earlier. strings across the floor weren't chased, she didn't meow as loudly, all she wanted to do was lie on our bed, or by the heater, and purr while being patted.

charles and i had a terrible experience when our first cat, xia xia or cee-cee passed away. she was miserable at the vet's. olivia loved the warmth of the heater and given that we found her today on the sofa, infront of the heater, stretched out with her tummy getting maximum warmth, we know she was content when she died. she looked peaceful. we know olivia loved us, particularly charles, very much. we know that in the last few weeks, she had been getting maximum tummy time on our bed.

last night, i was alone in bed (charles spent the night with jasper at the hospital), and olivia was in our room. she was noisier than she had been for months, meowing a few times. she was on the bed, and i cuddled her and petted her, while noticing that she had stopped and was sitting on areas of the floor that she doesn't normally sit on. (she has favourite spaces). we had smooches. and i told her she was a very lovely lady.

this morning i took jasper his breakfast and charles some coffee and orange juice  to the hospital and i told charles that olivia had been meow-ier than she had been in months. maybe our friend jennifer had been right, maybe, at 14 years old, olivia was just sliding into a dignified old age where things like string and licking tiger balm/a535 were no longer of interest to her.

and we came home, and she was dead.

and then it was time to have the talk with sebastian. we went through the, but will she come back alive? and then

but i never said goodbye!

which led to,

will she stay with us?

(she was in the back, wrapped in a blanket and in a tiffany bag...we figured she would appreciate that touch. only the best for our best cat. did you know charles renamed olivia from her original name "olive" because he said a cat as graceful, dark and mysterious as olivia deserved a better name?)

and then we explained we needed to take her to the vet's. and sebastian came out with,

the vet's? is that the animal heaven?

and it was so good to tell him that i believed that olivia was in heaven already. then we had a discussion on what she was doing in heaven, and whether she would get her own private heater, or whether she would share a heater with other cats and make friends. this possibility got him smiling, and i think we handled that part of it okay.

it has just been a very long week.

please - wear your helmets.

Comments

[Auntie Pammie]

Tess, so sorry re: olive's passing. Your intuition was on full alert as you had mentioned to me many times over the last while that she was not well. I agree that she passed in peace.
Good helmet promo, I am also HUGE advocate.
Good on for JJ , please tell him Auntie Pammie lovess him ( all the kids) and how proud I am of him for being such a brave boy!
Love to you all.
xo

[knobody]

huge HugS to you and mc. pets really are members of the family, and it's always a sad day when they leave us, even when we do try to prepare ourselves. olivia will leave a hole in your family that will not easily be filled.

i am glad that your relative will be okay. it's always scary when someone gets hurt. i hope he heals quickly.

[Terri]

Delurking to say that my heart is with you all. Our own kitty (12 1/2) has been slowing down a bit and acting a lot like your Olivia over the past month or so. I took her to the vet last week and all the test results came back fine, but I'm sad to think that she's probably entering the twilight. She was our first baby before we had kids -- for 5 years she was an only child. Peace to you all.

[Jill]

Oh Tess, I'm so sorry about Olivia. What a tough string of days. We are going through the same with our dog - 13 yrs old and after seeing the vet...I'm only buying time right now. When she goes, my heart will break. She was with me before I left Yellowknife, got married, etc. On another note, I'm glad Jasper's grommets went in and he is home. He will feel so much better. What a brave boy he is indeed!! And the plea to wear helmets was so very well worded and direct. I couldn't agree more. My heart goes out to your relatives and I pray good news comes to them soon.

[Maureen aka Mo aka Grandmother aka Mozilla]

Ah Tess. Crack goes my heart. I have such fond memories of Olivia and I 'negotiating' for space beside that heater. She was a dear girl and am so grateful she died cozy and peaceful. And what a good brave boy JJ is.... Grandad Blake and I are so proud of him and send our love to you all - M xox

[Leggy]

Ugh- what a tough week for you. I hope your relative makes a full recovery. I'm sorry about Olivia, but glad to hear Jasper is doing so well.

[Tina]

Tess,

I can't agree with you more on helmets. I lost a friend this year when he rode a four-wheeler (for the first time) fell off lapsed into a coma and then drifted into vegetative state. His wife of six months was then left to pick up what pieces there were and make choices no one should have to make.

All to say - wear helmets. WEAR HELMETS!!!

I love to hear about the kids and am constantly amazed at the growth and progress. Bless you and Mag Char.

Tina

[Polly]

Tess, so sorry to hear about Olivia. Our dog died in March after the aging (getting less puppy-like, playful) but we still didn't know she was THAT close until we came home and found her. And yes, I think you're right about Olivia in heaven!
hope Jasper heals well!

[Tammy]

Oh Tess - I am so sorry to hear of Olivia's passing. Although the loss is great - there is some amount of comfort in knowing that she passed peacefully in the home that she loved. HER home.

I love you.
xoxo

[Carrie in MN]

Oh Tess, so sorry to hear of Miss Olivia's passing. I know how much she meant to you and Charles. Glad the grommets went well. What a brave little man!!

Love you hun!

[Boulder]

Tess,

I got your email and now come here and see all that has been going on in your life. Your strength is an inspiration to me. I feel blessed to know you and your overzealous Hallmark swishy self.

xoxo

[Karen]

Dearest Tess -

1) As you well know, I too am a HUGE helmet advocate! You know the whole story of my then 8yo nephew being run over by a pick up while on his bike. Though many bones were broken he LIVED BECAUSE OF HIS HELMET!!!! He certainly would not have if it weren't for the helmet. I pray your friend will be ok.

2) I am glad to hear all went well with J. He is such a big boy doing so well at the hospital!!!

3) Oh Tess I am so sorry about Olivia. She was such a companion to you and your family for so long. I know it hurts to lose such a friend, but you gave her a very good life......and now she looks over you all.

God Bless you and your family. I miss you!!!

[Laura]

Tess,
Hope Jasper is home and well and feeling fine.
So very sorry about your kitty! I agree with Sebastian that she is in kitty heaven!
Love,
Laura

[sheilah]

So sorry about your little kitty. I still think of my Gemma and she has been gone a year now.

Re: the helmet thing. The daughter of a guy I used to work with went riding without her helmet (which she usually wore), took a fall and wound up in a coma for 8 weeks. She never fully recovered.

Helmets. VERY IMPORTANT!!!!

[Peggyp]

Happy to hear Jasper did well with the ear tubes.

Helmets are always important!!!

So sorry about Olivia's passing. Still miss our Midnight kitty who left us 4 years ago.

(((hugs))

[liz]

Many hugs to you all.