i went for a walk today. a good morning for it, the path had been freshly swept and the tai chi people were smiling and greeting me because it had been a few days since we had seen each other. i love my city.
it is 2007, and i am months away from being 37. and having spent a decade in hong kong.
one decade ago i didn't know i would look like this. future wrinkles weren't a concern - noxema was (and is) my only fight against aging , and wasn't too concerned about it how i would look, probably because i have never been a huge believer that i look too good to begin with. i'm not a makeup kind of girl and even if i were, there's no portrait in my attic, i knew i would age, and looking at gran and my mum i knew the years would likely be kind to me, but i didn't know where the lines would fall. or how many inches the boobs would. the lines, they're okay. very deep when smiling. the ones around my eyes show that i have seen alot, and focused on things far away, and close to me. smiled and scowled at them.
words on a page. in the 32 years i have been reading, i have spent countless hours with typewritten characters brought to life by clever writers. i have also spent hours idly leaving suntan oil fingerprints on pages of pulpy novels as i sat sitting on white beaches smiling as charles beside me built a boat, mcgyver like, out of sticks, straws, pieces of bathing suit, gum and twine. cheering and chastising the characters has given my face lines.
i have seen things from a distance. mount everest. watching govenor Chris Patten leave his house for the last time on june 30, 1997, nepalese royalty one week before their assassination, dolphins, whales, famous celebrities, loved ones approaching and leaving, me. squinting at them all. trying to imprint it forever.
i have seen some things up close. emotions on strangers and loved ones faces. i held sebastian when he was seconds old, i watched jasper's eyes open for the first time, i saw carys equate me with security, and relax as i touched her face. i saw sela instinctively root towards my chest the first time i ever held her. i have seen love up close. and other things. courage at funerals where people are so brave you clench your mouth and squeeze your eyes for them. i have seen pain in friends eyes and heard it in their voices i find my mouth pursed and my eyes wet, my words useless, my arms the only consolation.
i never knew 37 years would be like this. i never knew it would be this good. that life would be so tough, so challenging, but so rewarding. the lines don't share enough. i am so glad the 27 year old came and stayed. gave hong kong and love a chance.
cwack goes aunties heart.
you are beautiful ..
love you lots xo
Posted by: Auntie Pammie | January 03, 2007 at 01:31 AM
Amen to your blog, sweetheart. Beautifully written, beautifully said.
I love you and send all my mother's love to you for today, 2007 and always.
M xox
Posted by: Maureen aka Mo aka Grandmother aka Mozilla | January 03, 2007 at 04:17 AM
Tess, you made me teary at my desk...what a lovely posting.
Trace
Posted by: tracey in van | January 03, 2007 at 04:56 AM
Oh wow, I am teary eyed too!
I agree with you, who knew 37 (OK OK so I am 38!!) would be so good? I certainly never did.
Keep up the fantastic writing. I love reading it.
Posted by: Karen | January 04, 2007 at 02:52 AM
Sounds so nice I'm almost ready to come over.
Posted by: joeinvegas | January 04, 2007 at 05:07 AM
I've been lurking, but it was such a beautiful post, I had to comment. Life with family is hard, but so rewarding and beautiful. The choices we make as young adults have true consequences and I am glad that your choices have brought you immense joy! All the best to your family in the new year!!! Btw, Hong Kong was my birthplace, so I am pleased to see you are so in love with it. Hopefully, we will have the chance to visit this city one day!!!
Posted by: chorman | January 04, 2007 at 10:23 AM
That was beautiful!
Posted by: Laura | January 05, 2007 at 06:40 AM
Well I must say having just turned 37 the other day I'm with you in hoping that this is a pivotal year for everyone. Your words inspire and I am glad to have known you when I did and happy to have the opportunity to hear from you now with all your wisdom and challenges as inspiration with my own children as well as humor to view them in an even more special light. Happy bday if I don't get it to you on the day Tess. Hows that for a run on sentence. (thats why I am a designer and not a copywriter).
Posted by: Patrick Kitchen | January 30, 2007 at 04:50 AM