in-law/out-law

i wrote my sister in law an email yesterday, to her business address. in the "from" category i wrote, "evil s-i-l". my friend looked over my shoulder and said, "are you really?"

ithought about it and said, "nah, don't think so."

in-laws have been a hot topic of conversation this past month. after Christmas, a girlfriend came back sporting a very nice pair of earrings. a gift from her husband we inquired? no, she smiled, very happily, rather from her mother in law.

this was huge. her mother in law had sworn that she would never give any of her daughter in laws any jewellery, (maybe she was afraid of divorce?) so as unfair as it was to the sons and the sons children, she had said that the daughter would be the only one to inherit the jewellery.

yet here was my girlfriend, a daughter in law, at that, sporting a family piece, given to her by her mother in law. a piece that she will give to her daughter in law, or possibly to her daughter. who knows. but still. it was a huge gesture and we talked about it for ages.

the other day in the hot tub there was a not so nice in law story, we've all heard them. i'm already making notes to remind myself how good mils act for when my turn comes. and i already know how i could have been a better daughter in law. miscommunication is a tough thing, especially when you hurt the one who helped create someone you love so much.

and as i go through photos of my kids (i'm putting the digital ones into files) i see a lot of family pictures (not to mention family resemblances between sebastian and his caldwell relatives and i realise that although i am quite free (too free???) in sharing about frugal blake and lazy graeme's tendencies, i don't really say too much about the caldwell side of things. or possibly it is because i haven't finished with the lyons side...goodness knows i could be busy there for a while.

and also, it would be a typical in-law thing to make snippy comments and goodness knows that i seem to do enough unintentional hurt already, so let me make an observation about my inlaws.

besides being physically similar, and having a very similar sense of humour, they also have one extremely appealing trait...a huge courtesy of helpfulness. every time i am with them i notice it. no matter how jetlagged i am, it always sinks through. whether it is to carry your luggage in from the car or wash and hand tear the lettuce, they will offer to do it. always. i don't have to look pathetic, i don't even have to look at the luggage or lettuce, they just anticipate what needs to be done and offer to do it.

this may sound like a small thing, but it isn't. to offer to do something once is a politeness, but this is a family trait of helpfulness, and all the caldwells, even the 15 and 17 year old, have this courtesy. they must be tired sometimes, but they always offer to help. and they have taught their daughters the value of doing so as well. they repeatedly offer to help. and it isn't martyrdom.

in the party charles' family threw for us last summer, charles' sister and her two girls raced round to the store to buy extra food because everyone was having such a good time no one wanted to leave. i was completely oblvious to this all, but they were there in the background, making sure everyone was having a good time. charles' dad was grilling like he was from australia, and the brothers in law were generous with drinks and conversation. eveyrone made an effort. charles' other sister brought everyone into groups. and who do you think cleaned up?

i should appreciate them publicly. magnificent suggested that i don't go overboard with the praise and comments, and given some of my previous faux pas, i will take his word on this one, and focus on their kind generosity. which makes a massive difference. i don't think i am effortlessly generous like they are, because i have to be jolted out of a reverie and think, "oh wow, that looks heavy, i should help", whereas they just seem to say, "can i help?".

that helpfulness is so appreciated and impressive.

so there we go, i am outing the inlaws.

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i guess we both got lucky in the inlaw dept. the worst thing i can say about mine is that they are too nice. old fashioned charleston politeness and hospitality.

Posted by: knobody | February 01, 2007 at 02:02 PM