i have learned of loss this week.

one -  a much loved friend whose surprise pregnancy, and the celebration, healing, fulfillment and love it represented, ended, barely one week after she learned of its existence.

second - last night an acquaintance shared her story of the day she learned of her husband's death.

loss.

i won't dare transmit my emotions and suggest it is what these two wonderful women experienced. but i went home last night and didn't sleep well. and then today i was surprised why i was so happy, in the wake of such sorrow. i was walking through hong kong, this city i love so much, with my life that is far from perfect, and realised i was smiling. it wasn't the weather...it was an overcast day. it was me. i smile because that is what i naturally do these days. that is the expression on my face. sometimes it surprises me, because 20 years ago smiling wasn't a natural facial feature. it is now.

one of my favourite hymns has the line

this is my story, this is my song

walking through hong kong, i knew my story. i knew my song. there were no surprises. i was on my way to meet girlfriends for a post birthday lunch at one of my favourite restaurants, the annexe. i knew my husband was one kilometre away, and he was well. i knew my children were not napping although three of them should be, and i knew i would see them later on at sebastian's football practise. i knew my business, although challenging, was going well. i knew my parents were getting ready to come to hong kong next month.

my story is carefully woven, my song is comfortable and fits my voice. i say it every year, i like getting older because i like myself more the older i get. not thrilled about the little skin tags that are appearing everywhere, but maybe that is where knowledge is stored. who knows.

listening to the stories that have made me cry over the past four days, i am aware of how loss can quickly come into my life, and erupt my story, deviate my song into notes i cannot sing and a tune i never wanted to follow. realising afresh my blessings and the temporary natures of them make them seem more precious. i don't want to hold it too tightly and stifle my life, instead i want to hold it out infront of me so i can appreciate it. and in the sunshine, and even on the overcast days, the imperfections don't seem so bad. i am so grateful for my life, and i cannot imagine loss of my loves.

Comments

[polly]

Henri Nouwen writes of the spiritual life as being able to 'drink the cup,' which contains both joys and sorrows. (based off of the question Jesus asked his disciples, can you drink the cup?) it seems you are able to contemplate that cup and drink it, joy, sorrow and all. that's a blessing. lovely post.

I am so very sorry to hear of your friends' losses.

[Jill]

Beautiful post. Its a nice reminder for me to do the same, appreciate all that is in front of me and not cling so tight it suffers. And knowledge stashed in the skin tags...a hoot. XXOO

[Elaine]

Knowledge in skin tags, eh? I sure must know a lot! And I agree, life does keep on getting better, even with the losses it brings.

[Boulder]

After such a lovely post, what does it say about me that the first thing that came to my mind, was not the rest of the hymn, but instead:

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

I must say, though, that life is wonderful when your in MY world.

xoxo

[joeinvegas]

Not enough people appreciate what they have. Thanks

[Maggs]

"it was me. i smile because that is what i naturally do these days. that is the expression on my face. sometimes it surprises me, because 20 years ago smiling wasn't a natural facial feature. it is now."

tess, you and MC make me smile with your kind words. you two have made such a difference in MY life. i don't know how the last 2 years would have been if two good christian folks in HK that i've never met took the time to talk to me.

[Tertia]

i love you, my darling friend

[knobody]

and this is one of the many reasons that, when i grow up, i want to be just like tess.

[Sonia]

Dear Tess,

Thank you so much for reminding me about the hymn Blessed Assurance. Next Wed would be a year since Rachel left us to join Jesus in heaven. Lately, I have often started my "what if" mind games again.

You prompted me to go look for the lyrics for the entire hymn:

vs.1
Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
O what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.

Refrain:
This is my story, this is my song,
praising my Savior all the day long;
this is my story, this is my song,
praising my Savior all the day long.

vs.2
Perfect submission, perfect delight!
Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
Angels descending bring from above
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.

(Refrain)

vs.3
Perfect submission, all is at rest!
I in my Savior am happy and blest,
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with his goodness, lost in His love.
(Refrain)

Thank you for reminding me to rejoice in MY story, in MY song. The story Jesus wrote for me, for Jong, for Isaac and for Rachel. To remind me that I wouldn't have it any other way...

*Happy tears*

Sonia