Dim Sum Mum - Tess' Little Pieces

so, how'd you do?

on friday, jasper, sela and carys had another of those nailbitingly awful OT tests over at the duchess of kent.

the duchess of kent, where carys and i faithfully visited twice a week for so long, is now a location i am only at occasionally. i still remember it, but walking through it's doors, standing in line at the shroff, heading over to the kids unit ... it don't shake my head to clear it of memories each time i'm there. or more pragmatically  --- i don't know the number of steps from the shroff to the ot/pt offices.

carys and jasper and sela were evaluated to see where they were with manual and dextrous tasks like buttoning, zipping, drawing circles and crosses, stacking blocks, etc. last time they were there all three scored a rather unspectacular 34 or some sort score and we were instructed to do lots of threading, stacking, etc at home. easier instructed than done.

i haven't followed through on those instructions exactly. i've tried, and i know that small world christian kindergarten has lots of excellent dextrous toys, etc. but i can't force the kids to do them, either at school or home. so.

the testing. agonising at times because you are certain your child can to better and you want to force them TO do the task you are certain they are capable of. biting your tongue trying not to insert when your child refuses a task, "i know he can do that..." i am much better in high pressure situations and crises than these sorts of things.

i am happy and proud to announce that carys scored 62 per cent, to be graded as AVERAGE on her testing. keep up the work and bringing out the blocks at home. fair enough. sela, unsurprisingly, scored a lovely 79 percent, and was graded as being above average. i think she feels this is deserved and although she does not know she is aa, she has that "was there ever a doubt?" attitude.

jasper scored 27 per cent.

you read that correctly. 27 per cent.

so why am i writing this blog instead of frantically making appointments with every ot in the sar? because i am convinced that jasper john jingleheimer schmidt failed so spectacularly because he wasn't paying attention. if he was actually listening and gave a ding dong double damn, i am pretty sure he would be your average bear in the woods. but he didnt, and wont, and so 27 he is. which means a lot more work for me.

previously, 27 was a good number. i moved to hong kong when i was 27 --- 'nuff said. however, the gloss has dimmed slightly. i am not so impressed with the jay and his 27. i mean really. saying "i can't" when asked to draw a circle without trying first? give me a break. that's not 27 per cent, that's laziness, where jasper is definitely in the top percentile.

27 per cent indeed.

my mum has been here for a couple of weeks now. she has made herself very useful. we race each other to the computer to check emails, she bemoans over the fact that asian television stations air footie, badminton, horse racing and cricket more than they show golf and tennis, and when it comes to the kids, she is invaluable.

yesterday charles was out of town and mum and i were getting the kids ready for church. it was a day destined to keep the kids out of the house for as long as possible because although they had only been awake for 2.5 hours, i had learned that having them in the house was driving me insane.

the kids managed to open the entire contents of their art and craft supply suitcase and dump it over the floor. they ruined a aqua doodle pad, some markers, drew over their legs and lost caps to markers, and tossed ribbons across the floor. i was horrified. and demanded they clean it up which meant mum and i cleaned it up while chastising them.

and guess what my cheeky jay said to me in part of the "sebastian, did you get that piece of paper? sela did you put that pen away? carys why aren't you moving faster? jasper! are you clearing up?" tirade?

he had the gall to answer honestly and factually, "no mummy, i'm holding my willy."

that set the tone of the day.

i will share more later. but it was all pretty much like that.

the other afternoon carys had a doctor's appointment. this in itself is hardly surprising and blogworthy, however, coming home to an empty home was an entirely new experience for miss carys.

the rest of the family had headed down to a nearby playground to do some swinging and general degradation of their machinery. they weren't at our playground. no problem for carys and i, who came upstairs.

i unlocked the door, we slid our feet from our "plip-plops" and then i walked into the flat and began doing my thing...immediately returning things to people's rooms, putting phones in cradels, ah the excitement of it all. carys meanwhile, raced down the hallway, first checked her room, then the playroom, then my room, followed by the bathrooms, kitchen, backhallway and everywhere else she could think of.

she came back to me with a solemn pronounciation, "there are no people here, mummy."

there have been few times in her life that she has been alone in the flat, and i doubt she can ever remember any of them.

at first, carys was quite pleased with her ownership of the flat. she sat in my lap and i read her the books of her choice. prime view, prime material. she was chuffed. then the phone rang and it was charles, wondering how the appointment had gone so i let carys play while i talked with charles. i wandered around, got a little bit to eat and remembered that carys was in the flat. i found her in the playroom, reading some more, with a few dolls strewn around her. i let her be. how much chance for independent play does this girl really get?

cars zoomed by, pictures were drawn without anyone breaking her crayons or drawing on her masterpieces and i remembered how days with sebastian were, and how fewer dramas there are.

but carys, apparently forgot all this, because she came walking up to me at one point, 90 minutes after our homecoming and declared again. "there are no people here. i miss sela and my brothers."

even with all the additional heartache and stolen crayons, she missed her peeps.

the ever razor sharp joe in vegas ( i suspect he works in a CSI lab) playfully(?) repudiated me yesterday for participating in and propagating chain mail thingies.

mea cupla joe. however, in the spirit of lashing out, may i say that it is very difficult to leave a comment on your blog. so there. guess i told you.

but seriously, there are kids involved. it's not about recipes, it's about kids actually believing that they are going to get something in the mail because they (or more accurately, their parents) put something in the mail and that good things happen to good people. all too unwittingly i have burst that bubble in people's lives, and i am not going to do it to a little morsel. so i have actually set the forces in motion to get the stickers going.

the high point of my day today was meeting nicky gumbel, the creator of the alpha series. he is in hong kong leading an international conference targeted at chinese people (not just in china), and there was a lunch held at the hong kong club. it was fantastic. the av equipment broke down, and so the lunch quickly became a q & a session and a discussion of how the chinese are going to soon be at a crossroads as they continue to become a superpower. i wished the lunch was longer and possibly it would have been if i had not devoured it so quickly. v. tasty fare. the salmon wasn't drowning in sauce, there was just a drizzle, which made it perfect.

i will post a picture soon of the event - you can see mum and me looking like little groupies.

on the bright side, we're going to shenzhen tomorrow. yay for us!!! even better, we're driving most of the way with terri, known to sebastian as "olivia's mum" and known to carys and jasper as, "tewwi".

i'll post tomorrow, but in the meantime, if you wish, head over to charles' blog and check out the pictures there. there is a duplicate post, scroll down there, but there is a killer post of jasper. chalres, you can remove the black line from shae's face!!!

you will be happy to know that "today was a better today".

not coincidentally:

1) lita and de were back to work today

2) mum and i went shopping (correction, she shopped, i gave the occasional commentary)

3) i spent possibly three hours with my children today and enjoyed that little time impressively.

in the mail today sebastian received a personal letter. i was a little suspicious, only because last month, he received two similar letters from Friends. like the others, this letter contained a letter with his name printed on it, inviting him to join a sticker chain letter thingie. sort of like that recipe chain letter thing, except for the junior crowd. he has decorated the house with stickers already and is quite impressed. these stickers were very cool, although they were not superheroes, some of them were SCENTED!!!

when that recipe chain letter was going around, i never invited the same people to become involved twice. i found new friends to involve. so the question is, should i ask different kids to get involved this time around? sebastian doesn't care, he just wants me to get moving. and of course i will because although i could live with not receiving new 36 recipes, i wouldn't want to hurt a child's feeling when they are expecting a letter to come through the mail. with stickers, at that.

so hubie, annie, adam, olivia, matthew, mac and ian....mainly because you have diligent mums who won't let kids down....start looking in the mail soon. and galen...get ready...you're getting some stickers.

WRITTEN BY MY MOTHER BECAUSE...

...i simply have no energy or desire to describe to y'all what a crap mother i can be, or how appalling my children are. obviously, we're all headed for hell in a tired easter egg basket.

without further ado, may i re-introduce, my mum. (hero of day)

Today - Easter Monday - after Charles left for work and then the airport to fly to the States Tess and I prepared and took the foursome to Chung Hom Kok Beach. We took lunch, towels, water, lemon tea, suntan lotion, Jasper's emergency asthma bag, camera and a change of clothes for everyone with us and at approximately 10:30a.m. we left with terribly excited children and hailed a taxi. Inspite of Jasper walking straight into the taxi door as I loaded bags in the front seat we five had an enjoyable drive out towards Stanley to the aforementioned beach.

There are 200 steps down to this beach and therefore, after doing the math, there are 200 steps back up at the end of a long, hot day with four tired children.... but I race ahead of myself. We truly had a grand day - the weather was perfect (inspite my checking Weather Network yesterday and seeing a dismal forecast); the beach is the same one the triplets had their birthday party at - beautiful; the lure of sun and sand and ocean kept all six of us happy as clams. Interesting learning experience for Mo as she took triplet after triplet up to the bathroom and learned the joy of helping a three year old go 'poopers' or 'wee wee' in a porcelain hole in the ground (at least it was porcelain). We left around 4-ish and at this point we were still enjoying life and all it had to offer.

We taxied home after praying for a one to appear after climbing the 200 steps and up a steep hill with me bringing up the rear with Jasper who doesn't exactly 'do' anything energetic with much speed. We got home, Tess raced upstairs for her wallet and we then turned around and headed for a quick shop for groceries. Note to self - NEVER EVER TAKE FOUR TIRED CHILDREN SHOPPING IN THE LATE AFTERNOON. And it is here that I now take issue with the concept of helpers having a day off.... ever! The grocery shopping trip was so awful that we needed not only Lita and De who had had a much deserved four day weekend but we could have used the absentee father of Seb, Jasper, Sela and Carys who thought it was more important to fulfil work obligations and fly to the States than go to Park and Shop and be the third pair of hands and eyes!!

Never believe that miracles are not still happening in our modern day. We experienced them today - upon arrival at Park and Shop it was assessed that I would take Seb and Sela to the playground across the street while Tess shopped with JJ and Carys. Off we went in our two directions. Suddenly, Tess arrived with her two and left Carys with me as Carys suddenly wanted to play. Back she went with Jasper to shop. Within 45 seconds both girls announced they needed to go 'wee wee'. Dilemma for Mo - what to do with Seb... pressure for a decision as both girls are now clutching themselves due to the dire need to find relief in a bathroom.... leave Seb at playground and take off with the girls....... but!! Carys becomes a raving animal because 'Mama' is not the one taking her to the bathroom. I finally fling the limp, screaming child onto my hip and clutch Sela's hand and we cross the street and enter P and S.

Can't find the bathroom; find Tess instead and deposit Sela with her and take the limp crying, snotty-nosed Carys with me and seek out an employee to show me where I might find a bathroom. Finally, the bathroom visit is done. Carys will now stay with her mother, Sela wants to go back to the playground, JJ will stay with Tess.... I head to the door with Sela and bump straight into Seb .... that means he crossed the road by himself.... he now has to go to the bathroom..... back to the loo.... and at this point I suggest we all just stay in the store and get the *(&*^%#$#@@ shopping done!!

With only one cart at this point all four are not contained - it gets surreal as the triplets are crying at the tops of their voices..... Tess called a halt, we circled the wagons and prayed. I got another cart and flung the two boys in and left Tess to handle the girls. We met in the produce, someone bumped someone else and Sela (who has the loudest crying voice of the four) fell apart and started to wail while I held her and stood in line as Tess took the other three and nabbed the few last items.

A lady appears at our side to advise Tess that Seb had headed outdoors and crossed the road to the playground, Tess goes after him as the triplets and I began unloading groceries onto the moving belt. As we bagged groceries I froze as JJ was now missing - found him OUTSIDE CRAWLING UNDER THE BARRIER OFF THE ROAD AND BACK ONTO THE SIDEWALK. Heart attack.

Came back into the grocery store and helped Carys as we all headed outside to hail a cab. Her attitude to her loving grandmother's helping hand was abysmal - and Mo HAD HAD ENOUGH! I clipped her cute little back side and paid a big price! Carys proceeded to have a non-stop meltdown whilst wailing, "Mama, I need my Mama". White-knuckled I held onto the platinum blonde bombshell until a cab arrived, got the groceries in the cab with Tess using her foot to help JJ into the backseat - remember JJ rarely moves quickly and we now have an impatient bus right behind us, and we headed home with Carys still bellowing out "Mama, I need my Mama"..... I'll Mama you!! Safely if not sanely we arrive home, vacate the cab whereupon:

Carys now has phase two of her meltdown - complete battle of the wills so I take 3/4 of the Caldwell children upstairs with the groceries while Tess and Carys have a meeting of the minds in the carpark. Bathtime with me "in charge" - I am drinking a Carlsberg by this point whilst washing children who are drenching me as their four little bods slip and slide in the tub. Dinner. And Praise the Lord - bedtime. The triplets were asleep within seconds of the light off, Tess has showered and disappeared to her bed and here I am tap tapping to you. Tess and I reasoned that at the end of the day there had been no deaths and figured we had done pretty well! OH MY GOODNESS!!

I cease and desist - a little food and then to bed!

Blessings to all,

day three - numb3rs

if the world's fate depended on someone figuring out a formula and and adjusting the trajectory into a computer, you would not want me as the pencil and paper person. algebra is not my thing.

i am very good at figures, however. observe.

i can tell you right now that it is 29 hours until mo arrives to hong kong and 27.5 hours until we leave for the airport. what i cant tell you because time has apparently stopped and i am not good at algebra (if you were good at reading you would know that i had already written that) is the physical formula that dictates what makes my kids worse during school holidays. why no naps? they're certainly running alot. today i made them run races before they could come into lunch. races in the rain.

enough about figures. i saw mine in the mirror the other day and was horrified. my tailor isn't, but i am. do i look boxy? like megan mullaly during seasons 3-6 of will and grace?

there are three pieces of broccoli left on the table from lunch that i am trying to figure out what do do wtih. combine them, all cold and curled into dinner? (sela ate hers, 4 pieces - 1 piece = three pieces). do i give sela a chance to feel even more superior than she already does? but does she deserve credit for eating her vegetables?

1 crappy nappy is the result of the lunchtime nap. that piece of broccoli must have really raced through you, sela.

three days is how long carys has had dry knickers during nap time.

two genders that jasper no longer sees himself part of. last night as he was putting on a pair of my high heels he informed me that he was not a girl, and he was not a boy. and that girls don't have willies and that boys don't have willies. but that he did have a willie.

sebastian jumped into bed with me this morning, "just for five minutes mummy" and asked me to read him a book. i told him yes, but he would have to read every 10th word. every tenth word turned into every 28th, and an arguement. "i don't want to, it is too hard" he would whinge.

it rained today, ruining what was supposed to be a glorious day at the beach.

it figures.

day one of 14

it is day one of spring break, and i am already pleading with the teachers downstairs to go back to work.

the kids are rotten.

today, the first day of spring break, the rain started to fall. the amount? in kidspeak: not sprinkling peas onto your plate of spaghetti drizzle, but maple syrup on pancakes rain. serious stuff. pouring down. complete with thunder and lightning.

and then they're all wimpy, wah wah, we don't want to play outside.

i thought you liked puddles? honestly, they change their mind all the time.

so inside they are. with their hot chocolate.

and then sebastian says grinning, "mummy, i am 80 years old."

and sela, who woke up acting like something sharp was sticking out of her bottom announces, "sebastian, you are not 80 years old." so they're off on a verbally scintillating discussion that involves rising voices and AM SO! NO! a lot. they sound a lot like contestants defending each other infront of donald trump, except they are bringing me into it. and frankly, i don't care. actually, i do. if he's 80 years old, what on earth is he doing still living with me and is he paying rent?

carys meanwhile, had a triumphant day...i let her wear her knickers during nap time. not just any knickers, but dora ones. dora needs to stay dry, and so does boots, i told her. so no wees.

"what about swiper?" she asked eagerly. swiper is not featured on the knickers she was sporting, but what the heck. "of course, swiper needs to stay dry."

then carys got very worried, but in the video where they go around the world apparently all three of them are in the water, bla bla bla...just go to BED!

she woke up dry, but lita took her to the toilet, not me. and that was enough to make carys cry.

her post nap experience sounds like an existentialist first year college student's poetry assignment.

hooray - i am dry

yet, i will cry.

jasper and sebastian (he manages to be everywhere these days) are discussing squatting rights over the cardboard box the groceries were delivered in. pull back and forth, squealing reaching fever pitch, and mummy, who hasn't gone for a walk today and has a headache possibly caused by barometric pressure, says in a quick, tight voice,

"okaythat'sit-givemethebox - youcan'tsharesoiamtakingitaway. i warnedyou."

actually, i didn't warn them. but in the past week i must have said something about sharing or squealing. i can justify this.

thank goodness my mother arrives thursday. she will look after them. the grandmother thing. she must.

oh here comes carys. should i close now or do you want to hear what the massive pounding issue is?

************************************* scintillating update ***********************************************

i never found out. i just put them into bed, gave drinks of water, cuddles, encouraged the 66.66 per cent that suck thumbs to pop their thumbs into their mouths, sang two songs, and turned off the lights.

they're asleep already.

but they'll wake up, for day 2.