WRITTEN BY MY MOTHER BECAUSE...

...i simply have no energy or desire to describe to y'all what a crap mother i can be, or how appalling my children are. obviously, we're all headed for hell in a tired easter egg basket.

without further ado, may i re-introduce, my mum. (hero of day)

Today - Easter Monday - after Charles left for work and then the airport to fly to the States Tess and I prepared and took the foursome to Chung Hom Kok Beach. We took lunch, towels, water, lemon tea, suntan lotion, Jasper's emergency asthma bag, camera and a change of clothes for everyone with us and at approximately 10:30a.m. we left with terribly excited children and hailed a taxi. Inspite of Jasper walking straight into the taxi door as I loaded bags in the front seat we five had an enjoyable drive out towards Stanley to the aforementioned beach.

There are 200 steps down to this beach and therefore, after doing the math, there are 200 steps back up at the end of a long, hot day with four tired children.... but I race ahead of myself. We truly had a grand day - the weather was perfect (inspite my checking Weather Network yesterday and seeing a dismal forecast); the beach is the same one the triplets had their birthday party at - beautiful; the lure of sun and sand and ocean kept all six of us happy as clams. Interesting learning experience for Mo as she took triplet after triplet up to the bathroom and learned the joy of helping a three year old go 'poopers' or 'wee wee' in a porcelain hole in the ground (at least it was porcelain). We left around 4-ish and at this point we were still enjoying life and all it had to offer.

We taxied home after praying for a one to appear after climbing the 200 steps and up a steep hill with me bringing up the rear with Jasper who doesn't exactly 'do' anything energetic with much speed. We got home, Tess raced upstairs for her wallet and we then turned around and headed for a quick shop for groceries. Note to self - NEVER EVER TAKE FOUR TIRED CHILDREN SHOPPING IN THE LATE AFTERNOON. And it is here that I now take issue with the concept of helpers having a day off.... ever! The grocery shopping trip was so awful that we needed not only Lita and De who had had a much deserved four day weekend but we could have used the absentee father of Seb, Jasper, Sela and Carys who thought it was more important to fulfil work obligations and fly to the States than go to Park and Shop and be the third pair of hands and eyes!!

Never believe that miracles are not still happening in our modern day. We experienced them today - upon arrival at Park and Shop it was assessed that I would take Seb and Sela to the playground across the street while Tess shopped with JJ and Carys. Off we went in our two directions. Suddenly, Tess arrived with her two and left Carys with me as Carys suddenly wanted to play. Back she went with Jasper to shop. Within 45 seconds both girls announced they needed to go 'wee wee'. Dilemma for Mo - what to do with Seb... pressure for a decision as both girls are now clutching themselves due to the dire need to find relief in a bathroom.... leave Seb at playground and take off with the girls....... but!! Carys becomes a raving animal because 'Mama' is not the one taking her to the bathroom. I finally fling the limp, screaming child onto my hip and clutch Sela's hand and we cross the street and enter P and S.

Can't find the bathroom; find Tess instead and deposit Sela with her and take the limp crying, snotty-nosed Carys with me and seek out an employee to show me where I might find a bathroom. Finally, the bathroom visit is done. Carys will now stay with her mother, Sela wants to go back to the playground, JJ will stay with Tess.... I head to the door with Sela and bump straight into Seb .... that means he crossed the road by himself.... he now has to go to the bathroom..... back to the loo.... and at this point I suggest we all just stay in the store and get the *(&*^%#$#@@ shopping done!!

With only one cart at this point all four are not contained - it gets surreal as the triplets are crying at the tops of their voices..... Tess called a halt, we circled the wagons and prayed. I got another cart and flung the two boys in and left Tess to handle the girls. We met in the produce, someone bumped someone else and Sela (who has the loudest crying voice of the four) fell apart and started to wail while I held her and stood in line as Tess took the other three and nabbed the few last items.

A lady appears at our side to advise Tess that Seb had headed outdoors and crossed the road to the playground, Tess goes after him as the triplets and I began unloading groceries onto the moving belt. As we bagged groceries I froze as JJ was now missing - found him OUTSIDE CRAWLING UNDER THE BARRIER OFF THE ROAD AND BACK ONTO THE SIDEWALK. Heart attack.

Came back into the grocery store and helped Carys as we all headed outside to hail a cab. Her attitude to her loving grandmother's helping hand was abysmal - and Mo HAD HAD ENOUGH! I clipped her cute little back side and paid a big price! Carys proceeded to have a non-stop meltdown whilst wailing, "Mama, I need my Mama". White-knuckled I held onto the platinum blonde bombshell until a cab arrived, got the groceries in the cab with Tess using her foot to help JJ into the backseat - remember JJ rarely moves quickly and we now have an impatient bus right behind us, and we headed home with Carys still bellowing out "Mama, I need my Mama"..... I'll Mama you!! Safely if not sanely we arrive home, vacate the cab whereupon:

Carys now has phase two of her meltdown - complete battle of the wills so I take 3/4 of the Caldwell children upstairs with the groceries while Tess and Carys have a meeting of the minds in the carpark. Bathtime with me "in charge" - I am drinking a Carlsberg by this point whilst washing children who are drenching me as their four little bods slip and slide in the tub. Dinner. And Praise the Lord - bedtime. The triplets were asleep within seconds of the light off, Tess has showered and disappeared to her bed and here I am tap tapping to you. Tess and I reasoned that at the end of the day there had been no deaths and figured we had done pretty well! OH MY GOODNESS!!

I cease and desist - a little food and then to bed!

Blessings to all,

Comments

[Isabel]

I can only offer my sympathy. Sounds like a good day 95% of the time though!

XOXO

[joeinvegas]

Oh, grandmas do a lot, I couldn't imagine shopping with four!

[lyns]

Mo...welcome back to HK!!! Hope you have a lovely visit and we can pretend that I am treating you to tea at the Marriott!!! xo lyns

[Tertia]

Oh Maureen, your day sounds um, interesting! So pleased it isn't just my kids who can act like total little nightmares sometimes.

xxxx

[katrina]

oh how exhausting... frustrating.. and well, I'm tired reading about those adventures.

Tess, your mom writes kind of like you!

[Heather in Washington State, USA]

I only have two, but I realized long ago that for the best shopping experience, leaving them home with Daddy (or Grammy, or even at the neighbor's) and running to the store alone was one of the best ways to maintain my sanity! Often I will shop in the evening after the kids are in bed, my husband also usually asleep on the sofa, and I have the grocery store ALL TO MYSELF! I can be in and out in minutes, or I can linger and discover new items that inspire new dinner menus.

[knobody]

oh, i am so with heather in WA. i almost always go shopping after bedtime. if i have to go during the day then i try my best to split them up so i only have to take one. and we did the screaming bath tonight too, so i read your report (with a glass of liqueur in hand) just after a similar calm had descended here. it was surreal.

i'm glad you had a wonderful day until the 200 stairs up from the beach anyway. thank you for keeping the fan club updated!

[Kara]

LOL! i am killing myself! that is a story that can only be enjoyed well after it occurs! You forgot to mention how much you must have been sweating and hot and aggro! i can totally relate, perhaps this is why it's funny to me, i think i go thru this event at least twice a month, maybe just once if i'm lucky. would have offered y'all a hand if i could have. makes for good print though....must be a 'preacher story' in there somewhere! much love to you both.
K

[Boulder]

Y'all?

They say y'all in Yellowknife? (ps - Are you Britney?)

Ok, despite not having the above not quite cleared up yet, I have to say, your kids are not appalling, and you aren't a crap mother.

What the 2 of you are is AMBITIOUS. Tomorrow has to be easier for the grown-ups!

xoxo

[Dad aka Granddad Blake]

HA HA very funy Mo. My grandchildren would never behave in such a manner.I think at the outset you climbed into the wrong taxi and things went downhill from there.It is common for grandmothers to develop temporary amnesia and to confuse other children with their grandchildren.Not to worry. I will be ther on the 24th to restore law and order.Love to all.

[Dad aka Granddad Blake]

HA HA very funy Mo. My grandchildren would never behave in such a manner.I think at the outset you climbed into the wrong taxi and things went downhill from there.It is common for grandmothers to develop temporary amnesia and to confuse other children with their grandchildren.Not to worry. I will be ther on the 24th to restore law and order.Love to all.