hom's

last week two sets of sextuplets were born in the united states. one set, belonging to mr & mrs masche, was born at 30 weeks, and all six children are doing very well. their mother suffered heart failure post delivery, but has rallied. and america is enraptured. cnn did a piece that aired here in hong kong. i saw them and was amazed. such sweet looking babies and SIX OF them, BIG! the mum did so well keeping them in for so long. i should ask her for tips.

little media coverage was given to the second set of sextuplets, the morrisons. these children were born at 22 weeks. three of those children have died.

i have debated selective reduction, ivf, responsible dr's, healthcare responsibility, general population mindset and sextuplets this week with many people. the first thing i have told my friends is: THESE BABIES WEREN'T IVF, they were iui. THANK YOU.

one of my non infertile friends in canada (yes, i have them) said that there is a reality show which features sextuplets and their parents. the show doesn't begin with a warning, like a packet of cigarettes of what the health risks and potential dangers of higher order multiples really are. that these children are in the few percent that do well. that when you have a house built for you, a loving and strong community donating holidays, vehicles, nappies, etc your financial strains aren't as real as others in that situation might be. it is a reality show that gives unrealistic perceptions as to what sextuplets are like. the parents are good parents, and they have indeed been blessed... that is not the issue..their sextuplets situation is not typical.

sadly, the morrisons seems to be. 

"you wouldn't change anything, would you?" people ask me.

how can i answer that? my children lived. so naturally, my answer is of course not. am i a better person because of the nicu experience? yes. have i helped others? probably.

BUT, that's not the issue. if one of my children had died, would i have wanted it to be prior to their delivery or afterwards? would i have wished that i had had fewer embryos transferred and done a FET later on?

this isn't a crisis of faith, i am not questioning my relationship with God, but i am questioning ME.

if things were different, i don't know how i would answer. i am just grateful today, as i think of the morrisons, that magnificent and i aren't holding their gnawing grief.

Comments

[lyns]

Tough questions and ones you don't have to answer really!! By the way..CNN.com has been keeping up with the Morrisons and all that is happening... so very sad!! xo lyns

[SheilaC]

Wow. My heart goes out to both families, and I hope the parents and babies will be okay.
How terribly sad for the Morrisons. I hope they will find the caring and support they need in the weeks and months to come.

There was a sextuplet birth in Canada back in January that you probably heard about as well (reported in the Vancouver Sun). While that family chose to be very private, there was a media circus for a couple of weeks. Sadly, those babies were very premature (25 weeks) and two of them have since died.
Unfortunately some of the media coverage speculated about the family's religious beliefs, because they were Jehovah's Witnesses, and there was some blame directed towards them, very unfairly in my opinion. Some parents I know from Multiple Births Canada gave interviews, to help take the media pressure off that family, and to try to educate the public about the risks, challenges and joys of parenting higher order multiples.

There are no easy answers to these questions of how and why and what-would-you-do. I pray regularly for families expecting multiples, families with preemies, babies and children in the hospital, families who have suffered the loss of a baby or a child. There, but for the grace of God, go I...

[joeinvegas]

Must be a difficult decision to make at that point - waiting so long for kids and then to have to think about things like that.

[Tammy]

Looking in from the outside, it's easy for others to judge. And many years ago, as much as I hate to admit it, I probably would have been quick to judge. But being on the other side of the coin now - I can only offer prayers - no judgement or speculation.

Tough stuff.
XOXO