i was searching clip art for a client yesterday night at 5.15 when i heard a bang, a pause and that scream that causes every mother's pupils to dilate.
the "this is serious" scream.
sebastian had been spinning around in the playroom while jasper played the guitar. sebastian slipped, and fell against the tiny table i had moved into the playroom. the kids had pulled the safety corners off. sebastian had cut himself.
he galloped towards me and i saw blood and asked lita to quickly get me ice and a towel. i moved sebastian to the couch and the triplets sat with us. lita came with the ice, and carys and jasper pressed it to sebastian's forehead, while sela went to show lita how the accident happened.
and then my two mongrel test tube babies had to say, "thebbie ith bleeding"
"sebbie is bleeding a lot" added the second.
THANKS KIDS. sebastian started crying anew, and pulled out his very red hand to look at. he wiped it on my YES! white shirt.
off to the hospital we went. given our dramatic appearance, we were triaged very quickly, before we had registered actually, but everything about my dear little man was normal, and he gave an impressively coherent account of how the accident occured, including arm movements. unfortunately, since his absent mother was not in the room when the event occurred, i couldn't say for sure if he had blacked out. (WAH). so he would have to be seen by a doctor. and that, they estimated, would be a minumum three hour wait.
i called lita and asked her to bring reinforcements. she did.
i bought sebastian a sausage roll and an apple juice. he wasn't hungry. we walked around the hospital for an hour, knowing we had lots of time to kill. we went back to starbucks. i had a cup of tea.
and finally, at 7.45 we went back to the hospital, and we read three franklin books and a chapter of THE MAGICIANS NEPHEW. (we finished the lion, the witch and the wardrobe last week). but it was too noisy to read a new unfamiliar book, franklin was definitely best.
by 8.45pm sebastian was ready to go home and so was i. time to pull out a secret weapon....THE PORTABLE DVD PLAYER!!! i grabbed it and put in STAR WARS. well, were we suddenly the most popular people in the world. the infirm and injured all suddenly decided they wanted to watch our 8 inch screen version, and reminisce in loud voices about luke and obi wan. whenever sebastian tried to lean forward to hear better, someone would pull him back, as he was now blocking his view. i put my arm around my boy, shot dirty looks to those i felt needed them (be your own judge as to how many ), and gave him a lolly and managed to say no, when two kids behind face masks asked if sebastian would share it with them.
imagine the disappointment when they called our names at 9.50pm. one of the lolly loving kids asked if i could leave the dvd player with him, and if i hadn't have known that we would be kept waiting at the next station for at least 20 minutes, i would have done. but it is a good thing i held on to our property, because it was a bit of a wait.
and now the tough bit.
the dr determined seb would need sutures. seb laid down on the bed. i held his hands and asked if he wanted to hear a story about little baby sebastian (one of his favourites). he nodded.
sebastian and i have done sutures before, remember last november? when he fell while running around a fountain? he was so cool.
but today, he saw the (MASSIVE) needle they were using to administer the local, and that freaked him right out, and things went, well, downhill from there. i started off holding his hands, but as they started to administer the local, he began writhing and screaming and moving his head, so i had to hold his head while lying on his torso. and without waiting, the dr picked up the needle.
and then he saw the needle, and he refused to shut his eyes. i am not sure why. but he saw the needle sewing his skin together, and he certainly felt it.
and then the screaming started. i don't really remember the words, but i remember the tone. please mummy please stop please.
and after two stitches the doctor did stop and tell him they were all done. and he was crying and i said "sebastian, have i ever lied to you>" and he said no and i said, " well honey, she is done. no more needle." and then the doctor said, " i need to do one more" and the begging started again.
i felt like judas.
then i had the choice, either let seb stay overnight for observation or to take him home and wake him up every two hours and see that he was okay. you can guess what i chose.
that was one of the worst feelings i can recall ever having. i have known the sickness in my gut from having betrayed loved ones and friends, my own physical pain, but this, was different, even from the triplets when they were in pain, even carys when she was so sick and in physical pain. i was judas. it was awful.
*HugS* it's hard now, but seb will likely not remember it the way you do. he'll remember the cut and the stitches. he'll remember that you were there with him, and that he got to watch star wars. he probably won't recall words with as much clarity.
get well kisses for sebbie!
Posted by: knobody | June 15, 2007 at 12:04 PM
I have a big gash in my forehead from a shelf (during our bathroom remodel two days ago - don't ask); should have gone in for stitches but didn't want the four hour or so wait. So now I'll look like Harry Potter (almost), just need another shelf or two to give it that lightning like look.
Sorry about S - but maybe he will look like Harry too.
Posted by: joeinvegas | June 15, 2007 at 10:47 PM
oh Tess - how heartbreaking to hear your baby begging you to stop them. Poor Sebastian.
Hugs all around - hope everyone is feeling better this morning.
Lee
Posted by: Leanne | June 15, 2007 at 11:48 PM
Oh, how horrible. What a clueless doctor! I am so sorry, and I hope the trauma feels less intense today for both Sebastian and you. Especially you. As knobody said, it sounds like you will remember this for a lot longer than he will! You were very brave, and now it's your turn to receive hugs and comfort.
I hope you never have to go through that again, either the holding-down of a child, or the guilt and feelings of betrayal.
You're a terrific mother!
Posted by: SheilaC | June 16, 2007 at 01:11 AM
You should email my mom...she has a story for you...as you know I had three hip surgeries when I was 13 and 14 years old..(No I don't have three hips..but they messsed up on one side and I had to go back!!)... They did not know what was causeing the suddened ungrowth of my hips so I had to undergo all these horrible tests...
One such test involed small needles put in my legs from my ankles to my hips and electricity shot through them at different levels to determine if there was any nerve damage.... I was 12 years old..the doctor was a total jackass and had NO BEDSIDE Manner to speak of... I cried the entire time (you know my tolerance for pain is HIGH) so for this to hurt this much my mom knew that something was not right!!
We left the office and she promised me that I would NEVER have to have the test again...EVER!!!
Flash forward 2 years later... Im 14...they have just messed up a surgery and I have a drop foot and they have to determine if the damage is permenant or not...if there is nerve damage or not... they tell me in Physio one afternoon that I will have to have this SAME test.... Keeping in mind I am a level headed girl I totally shut down...curled up in a ball and wouldn't let anyone touch me... They called the hospital shrink...they had to call my mom from work (I did PT on my own in the afternoons while my mom was at work!!!) They didn't know what was wrong... my mom came in took one look at me and said "what did you say to her?" They told her the conversation and my mom got really worried.... it took them almost a month to convince me that I should do this test...
So...my mom knows full well just how you feel...
all this to say...keep in mind that while you feel like a Judas...you really aren't... Your still a fantaboulous mom and the fact that you kept a cool head through it all really should be the story..esp a three hour wait at QMH and the gawking of lots of others while you waved off the hords from the dvds!!! xo lyns
Posted by: lyns | June 16, 2007 at 03:16 AM
Tessie your latest Blog reminded of a wonderful man who promised to take his family to Disneyland and then was unable to do so because of events beyond his control. I believe he has been forgiven as he is still alive but the poor man's right leg was broken last week and that trip further delayed the trip to Disneyland.Ah the poor guy.
Love to all...Dad " the subtle"
Posted by: Dad aka Grandad the Tummy Eagle | June 16, 2007 at 07:18 AM
I vote that the Dr. gets slapped, what a dick. Tell Stinky that Auntie Pammie is so proud of him for being so brave :-)
Posted by: Auntie Pammie | June 16, 2007 at 07:39 AM
Oh honey, I ache for you. You did so well but of course you feel awful. We all love you - including Sebbie!
M xox
Posted by: Mo aka Maureen aka Grandmother aka Mum | June 16, 2007 at 08:44 AM
Oh, I'm sorry.
It was the dumb doctor's fault, of course. Saying all done when she wasn't. Ack.
I hope everyone recovers FAST.
Posted by: Jody | June 16, 2007 at 10:21 PM
When my triplets were three mos. old I had to take them to the eye doctor to make sure they were developing normally. The only way they can do this, apparently, is to force their eyes open and shine a blinding ray of light onto their pupils.
It was my job to bring them in and strap them to the table, then stand by while the doctor did the procedure. They each screamed as if someone had poked them with a white-hot needle.
I felt like I was abetting a torturer, and that I had failed in my duty as a father to protect them.
I feel your pain, Tess. Although I think you had it much worse.
Les
TripletsDad.com
Posted by: Les | June 17, 2007 at 09:24 AM
Oh Tess, that sounds just horrific for you all. So sorry that the doctor couldn't be honest and that put you in the Judas position. I'm sure that he won't remember the conversation details though. Give Sebbie a hug from me.
Posted by: Trinie | June 19, 2007 at 05:32 AM