the ultimate addend-mum

so now you have officially met sandi. i don't blog about sandi often, which is odd considering that she is a huge part of my life, and has been since we met 10 years ago at a fetzer press wine tasting dinner. we were both press, and therefore we were meant to be sitting next to pr acolytes during the meal so with every course they could explain to us why the wine pairing was essential, and the vintage divine, etc -- and of course this was a huge farce because, epilepsy and alcohol are not the best of friends. i don't drink alcohol, (but if i do, i like vodka. finlandia.)

we got to chatting during the cocktail hour which was really a wine hour, and had such fun laughing that when the poor young helpless pr girl brought out the placement for the evening, sandi announced, "forget it! i want to sit near tess and charles!". the aforementioned p.y. h.p.r.girl nearly expired, but what was she going to do? sandi was writing for the local wine magazine...she was the top dog at the event and they had to be nice to her. some hasty table changes were made and we cosily sat together, with every five minutes the pr team descending upon us to explain why the chardonnay ( this was 1997, pre-ABC days) was perfect with the asparagus soup.

after that evening, despite a two decade age difference, our friendship started in earnest. our "men" got along, and so did we. she enchanted me, and still does. she has some of the best stories, and her outlook on life is truly unique. every time a relative of mine comes to hong kong, she embraces them as her own, and offers to take them out for a day or week or....???

sandi attended our wedding, all the way from hong kong, and after sebastian was conceived, i announced my pregnancy to her in her kitchen. she looked at me for a long minute and said, "is this what you want?" and when i said, "oh yes" she smiled and said, "mazel tov! well this is fantastic news then!"

she was the first person to come and see sebastian in the hospital, arriving at 7.30am the day after he was born. "all kids get better looking and at least he has nice ears." she informed me definitely.

we didn't see each other as much after i quit my journalism job, but we only live a four minute walk away, which is nice. i can see her living room from my back room.

when i announced that i was pregnant with triplets, sandi looked at me, and among other things, said, "well, that's what you get for *^%&$&@( with mother nature."

that comment hurt me for a long time. it didn't alter the friendship, because i know it wasn't said as a judgement, nor did she wish me ill. it was her opinion. what did alter the friendship was the lack of time we had to spend together. i mentioned that comment to her 18 months or so ago, and we talked a bit about it. she was worried about me. that with my health i could handle it. i understand. as a friend who loves me, her first concern is going to be tess. or to quote the lady herself, "i'm jewish, i'm not the catholic church."

sandi comes over to me now, and my kids love her. the other day she cut jasper's hair. she laughs at how well behaved they are, and how nicely they eat. she, of all people, wouldn't say she liked my kids if she did not. believe me. sandi is the ultimate litmus test.

the other day, as she waiting for the lift, she said, "your kids, they're really great." the doors opened, she stepped in, and she backed into it and said, "i take back what i said three years ago."

"i know" i replied, "but thank you". the doors had closed by the time i had finished speaking, but she knows too. we're friends. we know.

and i smiled and went back inside to my kingdom.