my shopping cart and i ran into a very nice mum today during one of my tri-weekly park n shop $1500 trips.

after showing her sebastian's writing book, which is filled with comments like "try harder, sebastian!" and other positive ways of saying, "this isn't good", we started talking about the pressure in hong kong for kids to obtain academic excellence. she was really worried about this.

i looked at the book in my hand and said, "friend, this generation is raising thousands of academically brilliant, multilingual kids. they're writing earlier, they're learning so much, and we're training them to believe that good jobs are what counts, and only what counts."

and then i started warming up.

"but 30 years from now, would you rather call your child and have 80 per cent of the converation be about their job, or 80 per cent of the conversation be about their friends, life and activities. no matter how much money we make, we'll always want more."

yes, i was simplifying the issue but i am realising more and more that there is a bigger picture, and the person i want my children to be is not about education. it is about being happy with who they are, about being creative and knowing they are loved for their talents. and being willing to try new things. from there, i think succeeding at their educational niche follows, wherever that is. i might be wrong.

and as we enter into the competitive world of writing neatness and maths and reading levels i need to remember:

raising children to have excellent relationships is more important to me than raising children to have excellent jobs.

Comments

[CariP]

Bravo!!!

[knobody]

i do want my kids to be happy. the problem is i also want them to not be lazy. i want them to try and do something when it's hard rather than fall down crying about it. sagan is a master of whining and crying rather than actually putting forth any effort at all into accomplishing difficult tasks (like the pod race on lego star wars for instance). if school is where he gets the most practice at finishing something he started and working on a task even though it is outside his current skill set then so be it. (although, yes, he did manage to finally get through the pod race.)

[Tammy]

Great post, Tessie.

[Penny]

I think one of the best things we can do is be good role models for our kids. They need to see us getting involved, eating well, being active, exploring our curiosity, stepping up to challenges, treating people (and ourselves) kindly, treasuring family…and so on. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, which makes Seb, Jasper, Carys and Sela very lucky children ideed!

[polly]

I want my child(ren) [just one right now] to really have a love of learning for the sake of learning...not for the sake of 'achievement' because that is not the most important thing...just as having a certain sort of job is not the most important thing. I've been educated out of my ears (BA, MA, JD) and left a job that paid extraordinarily well because, well, it gave me little time for the rest of my life--pursuits that make me an interesting person (and now motherhood is added to that).

Although it is good to make good grades, it helps, fostering a curiosity about the world, etc will benefit children more in the long run--at least in my opinion. And certainly teaching them the importance of relationships--friends, family--will matter more. It's the old "what will you regret on your deathbed? not working enough, or not spending enough time w/ the people you love?" Trite, I know, but I think it is true.

Seb will do great b/c he has a great start on the world with intelligent parents and an interesting, diverse place to live and learn.

[SouthernBell]

uh, how much do you spend on groceries every week?!?

[Lyns]

AMEN sister!!! I only wish that more Hk families understood what you just wrote and I wish that they had understood it when thier oldest was in P1 like Seb.... You are so on the right track...Seb is creative and talented and brillant..!!! Southernbell... remeber its HK dollars not US or Canadian!!! xo lyns

[Lowa]

I was going to say AMEN also. Seriously, this is interesting that you are coming to this realisation, especially considering the long-winded e-mail I sent you! I won't get started again, I am sure know how I feel:)

[Katie Firth]

Amen sister!!!!

[Amber]

ahhh, so very well said. and the only thing i could add is that the most important relationship i want my child to have is not with me, but with our Maker. (can I be 2nd though??) :)

My wonderful little boy just turned 4 and still cant write his name, but he knows that Jesus is his friend, and Daddy & I love him so much, and that praying before you eat makes God happy, and going to church is a must not an option.

I dont care about his writing skills. I care about his heart.

[Trinie]

I so agree! I also want that for our little girl. I don't care what she is like academically. I care more about what she will be like as a fully rounded person.

On an aside, my nephew could not read until he was 7 years old and then something just clicked for him - but by the end of that year at school, he was the best reader in the class. I think that for some children, the connection takes a bit more time but that does not mean that they are any less academically able in the long run.

[Coral]

All I ever wanted was children that grow up happy and honest. I now have that and that makes me happy.