yesterday jasper nearly was very badly hurt.
we were walking towards park n' shop (me to shop and the kids to go the park) and jasper broke from my grasp and trotted a few feet ahead of me. i let him go. gary was holding sela's hand, i had cary's sweet little paw, and jasper was at the front.
behind us there was the #28 bus. buses in hong kong do go notoriously fast but it was my child that darted out into the middle of the street. i saw him turn at the crosswalk and said, "stop, jasper" but he didn't. he took a step out into the street and then another.
i let go of carys' hand and lunged at jasper. someone screamed. it wasn't me. i watched this observer scream. gary also pulled at jasper and because he went around (i tried to pull jasper over the waist high bars) he got to him. and then i felt like vomitting. did he really come close to dying? why were all these people watching us? a mum i know passed by and put her hand on my shoulder. i appreciated that.
jasper. i swalled the lump of vomit and tears in my throat and looked at him. tried to give a lecture but he burst into tears. i crossed the street with gary and delivered the kids to the playground. it was AWFUL. those are the only words for it, folks.
i went about my shopping, and was nervy and cross. i wanted to poke my fingers in a mango and feel the flesh under my fingernails. you would think, i would be delicate and gentle with the precious mangp but i was just so angry. what if he had been hit.
i was so upset i even forgot to be shocked at the appallingly high grocery bill.
i came home and told charles (who is in india today) what had happened. he made me feel better.
i told someone else what had happened and she said, "well, you aren't a bad mum."
i had never thought of that. me, a bad mum?"
and, she continued, it's not because you have so many kids. you have good control of the kids.
if you saw a child get hit by a car and saw that the mum had lots of kids, would you think "oh, she couldn't control them?"
new thought and possibly, once i get over my anger at jasper surviving his early preemie days only to die for not listening to me and being an idiot, a nice new paranoid thought to creep me into the bell jar.
Tess, Jasper didn't mind you. It is really that simple. He broke free and then he didn't listen and then he disobeyed a direct instruction.
Show me a parent who is a bad one because a child doesn't mind? And I'll not be able to find a good parent.
Everyone has times like these, and it is only when you learn and grow from them that they make more sense. You are too close to it now.
And, for now, Jasper will have to learn to LIKE the vise-like grip you have on his hand while on a walk (until he's off to university - and even then on parents' weekend), and the discussions about minding that I'm sure will accompany many excursions to come.
Posted by: Boulder | November 11, 2007 at 06:45 PM
(Oh, and ps? I'm really sorry this happened. It must have been horrible.)
Posted by: Boulder | November 11, 2007 at 06:51 PM
Tess, I am so sorry that happened. I can only imagine how scary it was for you and for everyone else involved.
IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!! JJ disobeyed you plain and simple.... I am very thankful that it all turned out the way it did. xooxoxo
Posted by: Auntie Pammie | November 12, 2007 at 12:40 AM
I would never think a mother was a bad mother becasue she had lots of kids. I would never think a mother was a bad mother becuase her child ran into the street. I am so sorry this happened. The thought of it happening to my son makes me sick and it could have jsut as easily been my child.
A few months go we were visiting the town where we used to live. They was an arts and crafts type even going on and it was very crowded. As we were leaving the festivities, in our car, I saw a very similer event transpire. We were on a one-way road, with 2 lanes. People who were leaving the event were crossing the street. A mother carrying a young infant crossed the street and stopped at the corner on our right. I looked to my left and before I could ge the words out of my mouth to warn my husband, who was driving, a little boy shot out from behind a dumpster into the street. There were 2 cars in front of us and thankfully they were able to slam on ther brakes and not hit the little boy, who was just trying to follow his mother. The cars must hve only been a few inches from hitting him. My heart ached for that mother,and still does. She burst into tears. I wanted so much to stop and comfort her but traffic wouldn't allow it. That image of the little boy running behind the dumpster, me knowing he was going to dart out into the street, but not being able to ge the words out quick enough, and then the look on that mothers face, those are all images that will stick with me for a long long time.
Posted by: Stacy | November 12, 2007 at 02:06 AM
Tessy darling, this almost happened to me yesterday.
We were on our way to Woollies and A & K were so excited because they always get to ride the little car in front of the shop. I told them to wait for me and to mind the cars. And I told them again. And as I was busy getting Adam out the car, Kate ran ahead into the path of the oncoming cars. So I shouted KATE, STOP!! and she did, thank goodness. I ran to her, yanked her back and gave her a smack on the bum. The woman in the car gave me such a dirty look. I was so cross. Cross with Kate and cross with the woman. I could see she thought i was a bad mom.
It wasn't me. It wasn't you. Happens so quickly. Children act impulsively. They don't think. That is how they are.
Glad J is ok. Love you xx
Posted by: Tertia | November 12, 2007 at 02:38 AM
Oh, thank God Jasper is okay, and your other sweet children too! I know how you felt, heart pounding, replaying the scene over and over, helpless to stop it from happening...
I was thanking God for a near disaster with our daughter K on Wednesday, too. She was riding her bike down the sidewalk to school, as we do nearly every day. A garage door opened and a truck backed out, and she didn't stop. She didn't hear or see it, because a neighbour's truck was parked in the next drive closer, screening the one that was coming out. I was 100 feet behind on my bike, screaming "Stop, STOP!" but she didn't put her brakes on fast enough, and she got knocked over. Fortunately the truck was moving slowly, and neither K nor the bike got run over, just knocked down. But I was terrified, so was the driver, so was K and our other daughter M who saw it. It's just horrible how something like that can happen so fast.
So, what is my response to this incident? Besides repeating our safety rules to the kids? And besides thanking God for the gift of our precious children, each and every day? We can never be sufficiently thankful, can we? I am still shaken, and still wondering what else to do about it. If there are guardian angels for our children, they have been working hard!
Posted by: Sheila | November 12, 2007 at 05:11 AM
What an awful feeling. You aren't alone in having a 'near miss' with one of your own kids. I, of all people, should know enough about safety and traffic....and you'd think I would have no worries. Well, I have had two, count them two, near misses - both in parking lots where traffic would supposedly go slow. So now the twins are 'spread eagled' hands on the truck, not allowed to move while I juggle keys, purchases, purse, etc...
The sick feeling will lessen, but it takes time - I'm just so glad it had a happy ending.
Posted by: Jill | November 12, 2007 at 06:03 AM
Tessie I once scared my mother when I was running after a train.Years later I had a scare when Pammie darted out into traffic. I think every parent has a memory of a similar type.The child might be doing the running but in most cases God takes over the steering.In the event Pammie reads this please note kiddo that I only mentioned you because you were the first of our children to do the dangerous running shtick
Love to all....Dad
Posted by: Dad aka Grandad Blake | November 12, 2007 at 02:55 PM
Oh, my heart is in my mouth for you!! I know those moments, and I am happy you all got home well and safe.
Posted by: Coral | November 12, 2007 at 03:44 PM
Hang in there Tess. As you know, we were there, just a 10 short months ago. Only, I wasn't there to hang on and Super G did fall. The nausea, anger and frustration at almost losing our beloved children is almost overwhelming. There is no parenting manual that specifies "Professional parents on closed course. Don't try this at home!" Even if there were such a manual, since the kids haven't read it, it would be of no use. Big hugs and kisses to all, Auntie C
Posted by: Carolyn | November 12, 2007 at 11:25 PM
That is the sickest feeling ever! I'm so sorry you went through that.
Cora did something like that to me. She was almost 2 and we were leaving a store. She was running ahead of me. She got the doors and THEY SLID OPEN FOR HER! She kept running. She ran right straight across to the other side of the parking lot. It's a very busy, dark parking lot. I have not doubt that if someone would have been crossing at that moment she would have been hit. I screamed and was running after her. People came running after to me to make sure she was OK. It was a TERRIBLE night! God is good, though, right?
Posted by: SouthernBell | November 13, 2007 at 02:16 AM
YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOM...FULL STOP! That story alone was my worst and only real fear of living in HK. To watch Noah, who usually listens really well, who is a great boy and lots of fun.. who knows full well to stay by mommy or daddy or up against the wall...to break free in a moment of whatever goes on in a little boys head and get hit by an oncoming bus, taxi, mini bus or even bike!!!!
Im so sorry... Im sorry that you had to even think those horrible thoughts... Im sorry that you had to play out the secne until the end...and im sorry that who ever implied that you might be a bad mom couldn't offer more encouraging words.... like... "Tess are you ok?" Is Jasper Ok?
I miss you my friend...xo Lyns
Posted by: lyns | November 13, 2007 at 04:39 AM
I feel a little queasy just reading this.
A child can pull away from a grown-up even if he's the only child in that grown-up's care. A crowded cross-walk is a crowded cross-walk.
I'm so glad you're all okay. So glad.
Posted by: Jody | November 14, 2007 at 01:55 AM
*HugS* there goes a few years off the end. throw in a couple of grey hairs to boot.
i think we all have a story like this to tell. if we don't, then we will. zali is my parking lot escapee. according to my parents i nearly jumped off both the edge of the grand canyon and the top of the empire state building before age two. you can't kid-proof an entire planet, and you can't planet-proof kids.
Posted by: knobody | November 14, 2007 at 12:30 PM