the other week i saw MAMMA MIA with magnificent charles. and i admit, at one point there were tears rolling down my face. and no, it wasn't during a pierce brosnan solo, rather when meryl streep sang of her daughter's growing up.
Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what's in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table
Barely awake, I let precious time go by
Then when she's gone there's that odd melancholy feeling
And a sense of guilt I can't deny
What happened to the wonderful adventures
The places I had planned for us to go
(Slipping through my fingers all the time)
Well, some of that we did but most we didn't
And why I just don't know
of course i thought of my two little girls. daughters. what a complex, rich rewarding relationship.
daughters.
they boost you every day. your clothes choices are impeccable, they love your shoes, dresses and eyemakep. there is no debate if the MAC twig suits you better than cosmo...you wear it, they want it. if you wear "spray" in your hair, they want to also. they affirm your choices.
daughters have such an eagerness to learn. sela demands to read. i want the world filled with people like her (although maybe not as pushy). carys wants to watch the food cooking.
daughters are so generous with their world, at least at this stage of the game. all i really know is that each day sebastian and jasper eat snack. with carys and sela, i know who was there, and who wasn't, i know who the day's teachers were, i know who the special helpers were, how they felt about that, if there was any silliness. i see the world unfolding, i see them grasping concepts that one year ago they did not understand.
daughters make us question what we're doing as women. i am more concerned about my stay at home status now that i have daughters. i am worried i am setting a bad example. i had all that expensive education, threw it away, no ambition, just a breeder....is that how they will see me? what about their own ambition?
daughters make it clear that one day they want to be you. how amazing that they think of me as something to aspire to, how ironic that i want more for them.
girls draw princesses with hair to the ground, fancy dresses for every occasion and fantasy parties. sparkles, colours, glitz (although sela's fave colour is beige)...it attracts them, like raccoons.
my girls are very demonstrative, and very different to each other. i feel i'm not making a good case as to why girls are divine (and i know mum wants me to!) but they are. the chatter, the desire, the mothering they have for younger children, the intellect brimming out of them. girls are an absolute honour to parent. and a delight. and a challenge. they have set personalities, but so many nuances. autumn leaves in a wind. and girls i find, grow up a bit faster. which is so bittersweet.
Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile
I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness
And I have to sit down for a while
Slipping through my fingers all the time.
