the reason for the week of silence

think where man's glory most begins and ends,

and say my glory was, i had such friends." ... william butler yeats

two weeks ago, many members of various hong kong communities were sobered when word filtered down that a popular, 16 year old west island schoolgirl had died in her sleep that morning. her name was megan farrell.

while i did not know megan farrell, i do know her mum julie because julie was VERY active at kennedy school last year. all three of the farrell girls went to small world, then to kennedy school, and on to west island. i do not know julie well. a smiling acquaintance.

charles has a deeper relationship with the farrells; he is part of a weekly prayer group with colin.

the farrells attend a small church and its members were devastated. the swimming, drama, dance and schools were devastated. this family has impacted so many. a facebook for megan talks about the impact she had, whether it was here in hong kong where she moved while she was just in nappies, or in kenya, where she went on a short service trip last year.

because megan died at home, it took a long time for the body to be released. finally, one week after her death, the family realised they were going to be able to start making plans for a funeral.

they chose to hold the funeral at union church, where we attend.

i was asked to be the liason person between the two churches, and to look after food and decorations. approximately 100 people were expected, they explained.

i jumped into action.

my Bible study group, which meets on thursdays, decided to suspend study for a week so they could help me decorate/organise. members of my monday prayer group, weng and sheri, also volunteered, and those who couldn't make it, sent food. (more on that later).

other volunteers, from outside the church. mel, who had the younger farrell girls in her playgroup. ursula, who was megan's netball coach. susan, a church member who is creative and talented and very gorgeous.

and the call for food started. the thing with a function is, you want to have food that is ready to serve. you don't want anything that needs slicing, heating, etc. so i said that in an email i distributed.

responses came pouring in quickly. people were eager to help. they were so happy to be finally able to DO something. cookies, sandwiches, chicken wings, salmon cakes, all offers i received in the first 2 hours of the email going out. my email said disposable plates, because you don't want to be doing dishes for hours afterwards. plan it out, let people know and you can make it very efficient.

the next day i learned the funeral was going to be 200 people. i sent the email out to more people.

and the next day i learned that it was going to be 300 people. the farrells home church said they would provide food for 100 people, and with that in mind, i contacted the men's prayer group colin farrell belongs to and asked them to contribute.

have i mentioned how much i love men? immediately i got an email back saying they would not be able to actually make anything, but how about they each contribute a certain amount of money, like $60us and get a caterer? to someone i steered them away from a hotel and suggested a local shop.

every hour i was getting updates on what the family wished, and food updates. my email was getting forwarded to people who "would want to help". i wasn't worried about numbers showing up to the funeral, i was worried about surplus food!!

tuesday i met with two ladies from the farrells church and took them to union church to show them around. then susan, stephanie (who offered to do the power point presentation during the funeral because she is that sort of friend) and i went shopping for decorations. that night i came home, and there were more offers for food donations. i tried emailing one person to say we had enough food, but you know what? people weren't listening.

wednesday i was out of the home from 8am-10pm, working with stephanie at the conrad fair. we had a good time selling the lang calendars that she distributes here in hk. and when i got home, there were 31 more emails, all with food donations.

thursday was funeral day. ursula and i were at the church by 9am. we dusted the church pews, which get very dusty during the week. we wanted everything perfect. then we started cutting ribbons for the decoration team. setting up tables. at times, there was nothing to do. at times, i didn't know what to do. at times, it seemed nothing mattered.

at 11.45, guests started arriving for the 12.30 funeral.

at 12.15 i got a call from charles, who was driving the farrells to the church that they were on the way, could i please unclip the barracade on the church driveway and let them in. i ran downstairs, (not realising my pink blouse which i had just changed into was on inside out) and got them in.

and at 12.30 the service started.

i didn't see a lot of it. i was organising, not doing as much as sheri, who had mercifully taken over the food side of things, put pushing stuff to the side, but i saw enough. heard how megan as a little girl had been concerned for homeless people, how she was no saint, but she loved and was loved.

and at the end, when the coffin was being wheeled out, how do parents who don't believe in heaven endure such sorrow? how can they leave their child in a grave and walk away if they are not certain her soul is in heaven? the farrells had that certainty.

during the reception....for the longest time, no one ate. and then a few brave people started. (yay!) the tables were groaning we had so much food. and the food in the kitchen was even MORE. we were preparing bundles of food for departing people, and wondering what were we going to do with the surplus?

during the cleanup, as we surveyed the massive amounts of food left over, terri said, "let's call st. barnabas". and it seemed the right decision. st barabas provides food to hong kong's destitute and hungry. the spillover of love for the farrells would go to the people megan had such a heart for.

charles and ursula and i carried three big carrier bags to st barnabas and left them there.

we went home. hugged our children who knew where we had been but didn't understand why we were hugging them so tightly.

when people responded to me about food donations, they didn't tell me just what they were bringing. often they told me their relationship to the farrells, and a story about megan. i was starting to get a picture of this girl, and her wide reaching circle of friends. and her parents as well.

friends. my friends, none of whom except mel and ursula were directly connected to the farrells all stayed behind after the funeral to sweep and clean. it only took 90minutes with all seven of us helping, but there were ribbons to untie, dishes, and tablecloths to remove (very few to wash i note smugly), sweeping, and lots of food to seal up. friends. time and again, they amaze me.

think where man's glory most begins and ends,

and say my glory was, i had such friends." ... william butler yeats

 

Comments

[Mo aka Maureen aka Grandmother aka Mum]

Thank you for sharing this e-mail with us all, Tess. What a privilege to serve this family as they grieved. You did a wonderful job, sweetheart.

Much love, M xox

[Auntie Pammie]

I have to say that you really do learn about who our friends are in time of need.What a great job you did.
Love Pammie
please give those 4 kidlets a squeeze for me.

[Dad aka GDad Blake]

Some people claim pride is a sin. I will take my chances and accept any consequences. I am proud of you sweetheart'
Love to all...Dad

[knobody]

it's always heartbreaking when someone so young dies. my heart goes out to her friends and family. she was obviously much loved, and moved a great many people. we should all hope to have half her impact on the world.

and you are such a wonderful person to help do so much for one you barely knew.

[Louise M]

Having walked the path the Farrell's are now on when my 15 year old son died March 30, 2004, I can tell you that your help was appreciated more than you can ever imagine. My heart goes out to the family, and thank-you for sharing this with you internet family.

[Lowa]

Wow, this brings back memories. My 13 year old brother died in his sleep in August of 2005. What a nightmare to walk in and find your child gone, no warning. My Dad found him when he went to check on him at 5 that morning and my mum heard my dad's moans and crying, that was how she discovered that her baby was gone.

Thanks for sharing this Tess. My oldest son will turn 16 tomorrow and it just really makes one realise who suddenly something like this can happen.

Will be praying for the family.

[Surmayee Tetarbe]

megan was one of my good friends
the memories of what you're talking about are still fresh in my mind.
but i know she's okay now.
thank you for sharing this here, i know megan impacted so many people in so many different ways.

[lieben]

Interessante Informationen.

[Kate Docherty]

I have just heard the sad news from a friend in Hong Kong. I knew Julie and girls quite well but lost touch when I left HK 3 1/2 years ago. My thoughts and prayers are with them.