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March 13, 2009

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Super B's Mom

I am going to be anxiously awaiting comments here...because I am seeking the same advice. Brody came home last week to tell me a boy on the playground had called him an S.O.B., then poured rocks down his pants and called him an "F'er". After I wiped a few tears away, I picked up the phone to call the kids mom to ask her if I could come over and wash out her son's mouth with soap...and possibly hers. Daniel made me hang up and told me to take a chill pill.

I know kids are kids but there are just some things that I won't allow in my home and it's hard letting go of that control when he walks out our front door. XOXO

Megan

As a child growing up and now applying this in my own home, the rule simply was "This is a word (or phrase) we do not use in this house." If it came up that friends used it at their homes, my mother stated that we didn't live at their home. My friends were not allowed to use those words in our home and came to accept the rule. On the few occasions someone could not follow that rule, they were told they would not be asked back until they chose to follow the rule. It's hard when they are young, but its good to start now and it's not a hard thing to ask. If you don't like a word or phrase, you have every right to ban its use from your home, no matter how many friends may use it, and the reality is, if you talk to those other parents, they may tell you they don't allow it either and their child is lying.

Elaine

You just keep on saying that those aren't nice words and shouldn't be used at home. I'm remembering being at home and how my Dad wouldn't let me use the word "snotty," never mind "sucks," which I wouldn't even have dared to use. He made his views very clear on several occasions, so I stopped using it at home. In fact, I don't use the word "snotty" very much even now, so it made an impression. It's a thing of habit, and if there's a place where they have to remember the habit isn't okay, it weakens a little bit.

That said, I have to confess to using "suck" a lot. It's got the same lovely strong sounds as the F-bomb but isn't, so it's kind of satisfying to say under stress.

molly

you, know, I agree with the others. We say that there are words we do not say at our home and then stick to it. Our neighbor's kid (who is an only child and a bit older than my boys) comes over to play a bit. We don't allow using God's name and call him on it when he does it. He now respects our rules, and will correct himself! :) But, he also knows he is always welcome and we love on him a lot (so it is not like he thinks we are mean freaks).
Since having Andrew (who has Down Syndrome), I've stopped using the word "retard" and "retarded". It just feels offensive. I don't let the kids use it either. I find it more offensive than sucks (when used in a mean way).
so, sigh, stick to your guns. Your kids need a strong family identity and this will help with that!
love you, Molly

Coral

When my kids were small-ish, and would say something that didn't sit right with me, I would say "Do I say that word?" They would have to answer "No", then I would say "Then I don't think you should either."

Now I swear up a storm - ha ha! But they are grown ups after all!

Thank you for your comment regarding Tim's quilt, it is finished and Coralie loves it. I am having some difficulties with my mail at the moment - gah!! I cannot open mail, and at work I cannot even access gmail!

So, one day, we may see a picture!
xxx

knobody

things have started sucking in our house too. yay for second grade. i'm sure any day now he'll come home and ask me if i know why fire engines are red and pool tables are green *rolls eyes*.

i tell him that there are some words that are okay for an adult to use, but not a child. just like there are some drinks that are adult only and some activities (think power tools and driving here folks) that are adult only. i also point out that there are some things that it's okay to say around your friends at school, but not around other people. he seems to understand, if not always succeed in practice.

our language is filtered by who we are with at the moment. children learn this at a very early age. they talk to their friends differently than they talk to their parents. this is just an extension of that filtering. it's a matter of respecting different boundaries with different groups of people, and kids are perfectly able to adapt to this.

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