i amended part of yesterday's post on patrick swayze. by saying that PS had qualities that seem hard to come by in the acting world, i didn't give credit to alot of fine actors who are STELLAR people. so i made the changes and hope i am forgiven. removed the gentle reminder not to make overgeneralisations!

secondly, i got a few emails on the topic. how could i say patrick swayze was blessed? didn't i know he and his wife suffered from infertility? actually, i was sort of aware of the fact, over the years it made the rounds on a few boards i frequent. but, the swayzes stayed together throughout their infertility, presented a united front, and from the little i know, based on his pubic behaviour and comments, seemed devoted to each other. so, the potentially all consuming scorpion of infertility did not wedge between them (apparently). infertility is a b!tch to live with, but they still had love. and anyone who has love is blessed.

jen, bbskwer, i get what you were saying, i appreciate what you were saying, can you see my perspective? they had each other. so i am keeping that part. peach had a valid point so i changed my behaviour and saw things through her nice eyes. yes they wanted more, but sometimes happiness isn't getting what you want, but wanting what you've got.

moving on.

i have not had a great day. in fact i would go so far as to say it has been very not great.

i woke up at 6.15 and within minutes the kids were awake as well. i took them all into the kitchen with me and poured them a six ounce glass of water and me a 16 ounce glass. we all drank and had a little competition to see who would finish last. (hint: his name begins with jasper and sela finished first.) it was looking good from there, but suddenly the "insta-whinge" that the water was so clearly full of took hold and the kids went insane with their obviously essential demands.

after breakfast, the demand was that sela's library book be located. sela was getting quite teary at the thought that her book might not be found and was full of adverbs as she described how miss chainani would be very angry. miss chainani? what about mummy??? 

then carys, who has lost two hats already this term announced she did not like hat number three.  if she had lost three plastic lunch containers, i would be giving her lunch in old margarine tubs by now. however, with the fricking sun still belting down 35 degree heat she needs a hat. so i bought her a cool new aussie outback hat and she declared she didn't like the wide brim. (!!)

and about then i heard a little snap and realised that either it was a blood vessel, cord in my neck or, of course, the handle falling off the door. it was the doorknob, of course. sebastian was holding it. i had instructed him seconds earlier not to pull the doorknob and while he was not pulling the doorknob not even to think that he could push jasper outside. both instructiosn were cheerfully disobeyed. another crisis.

"too bad you are not going to gymnastics this afternoon" i snapped at carys. i am not sure why i said this, possibly to upset her because she had upset me? do you see the level i was operating on? this bad low level???

mummy, pleaded sela, you have to give her another chance! you also have to find my library book!
(had to get that in there, didn't she).

i grabbed the doorknob from sebastian, asked him if i had mentioned anything about the door handle and if he would care to repeat it. he mumbled something about not opening the door. meanwhile, jasper is bashing the door (he's on the other side, remember) and now ringing the doorbell because he is sure we have packed and moved in the time he has been outside. why else would no one let him in??? he starts crying.

OPEN THE DOOR JASPER i instruct
please let me in mummy! he cries
OPEN THE DOOR YOURSELF, I CANT!
he opens the door and comes running to me, rubbing his teary face against my white shirt. i thougbt you didn't love me!

jasper, sela carys (because shes not going to gymnastics incase you have forgotten) and sebastian are now crying.

i found the library book by 10am (under her pillow) and of course made a special trip into school so she could get a new library book. disrupted the whole class be coming in...i hate being a PITAparent. i stopped to sort out the lost n found box at school, (odd stuff collects in there) and then stuff that was labelled i put in kids backpacks. as i was popping a hat into danielle's bag i spotted carys' substitute teacher. he asked which child was mine and i said carys. and then he said, "she needs to practise her writing." yes she does and i am trying.... he was being very kind, but it was just one more thing.

at the end of the school day i spotted carys barrelling towards me grinning and arms pumping backpack bobbing up and down hat #3 goodness knows where, and she gave me a massive cuddle. before she could even ask, i said, "you ready for gymnastics?" and she nodded. the earlier hassle of the morning forgotten, her hurt maybe gone, my sense of failure still hanging over me as i hung on.

i know tomorrow will be better which is why i am going to bed NOW.

Comments

[Dad aka GDad Blake]

OK! Now you have opened the floodgate.When Mo reads about the situation at 112HK she will start packing and arrive on your doorstep ( she will wait patiently for someone to turn the doorknob)ring the doorbell then boot the door open and sing out a welcome to all assembled.
She is humming Mary Poppins tunes which is a good indication of her immediate plans.
Please immediately contact her and report all is well and she should unpack.

Love to all....Dad

[Odila Braga]

Ouch my friend... indeed a VERY hard morning you had... in these days, it's good to remember that days last only 24 hours, no? A new sun rise will bring a whole new atmosphere for you.
Love and hugs
Odila

[Jill]

You write with such honesty that it reminds me of a class where we had to grade ourselves. Of course that changed things up a bit and aside from the one kid we all remember, we all underscored what we deserved. Good people are always underselling themselves. You did not fail - you were honest in front of your children...who learn that it is ok to have a bad day and rise above it. You are so real and refreshing. Don't be so hard on yourself.

[Boulder]

Aw, honey, a few bad hours in 24 that a day bring? You'll all recover, lessons learned by all - even if it takes a few fits & starts to fully *get* them.

Wish I could've given a hug to the one person in the room who sounds like she could have used a few tears herself to cleanse the spirit.

Deep breath, inhale, exhale. Smile. There's always something to test us, isn't there?

xoxo

[Nina]

Awe Tess, I hope it has gotten a lot better. I too had the same type of morning with my three, although I get to stew in the guilt for a week as they are going to be with their dad. Sometimes when all hell is breaking loose and I wonder who these children are, I get a little giggle out of the fact that I'm supposed to be the grown up when really all I want to do is have a tantrum with them :)

[knobody]

*HugS*

i totally understand having a day. i'm constantly amazed you get through it all with grace and dignity.

[Coral]

"the swayzes stayed together throughout their infertility, presented a united front, and from the little i know, based on his pubic behaviour and comments,"

Well, I don't remember any pubic moments, do you know more than you are letting on Tess?

Sorry; it made me grin like mad!!
****************
And your bad day; - we all have them, but you will have more, you have more little strong personalities around, and you have to appease all of them!

Thinking of you and your much loved challenges ;-))