can you explain this to me?

yes, i may be great at preventing carys from exiting dramatically, but i don't understand myself. at ALL.

i need some insight and for this, i turn to you.

around four years ago, i realised i was ready to leave hong kong. i was not homesick, i was not any less in love with hong kong, but my wanderlust had kicked in. i was ready for new sights, smells, horizons, running paths and experiences for the family.

charles was quite definite he didn't want to move back to canada. it wasn't until we had a very close shave moving to the US that we realised that we didn't know if we were ready for silicon valley. we knew we didn't have enough money, that was certain!

so for the past four years, i have stayed in hong kong. charles has changed jobs, i know we are here for...a while. my children are very happy here. and i am taking care of the wanderlust in my own ways. the night hiking, the travelling alone or with a girlfriend in china, the wandering alone in streets in sheung wan and sai ying pun, i can always find something new, even in a city i have known since 1997.

and i love pokfulam. our community.
though i know if charles got a job elsewhere, i could leave tomorrow.

so i am ready to leave hong kong. i know this.
yet, apparently i am not ready to leave pokfulam for another location in Hong Kong.

Could someone please explain this to me?

For the past few years, charles has been pressuring us to move to the Sai Kung clearwater bay area. if we moved to this area, we would have a garden, a three story 2100 square foot home, a roof terrace and I have resisted. Excellent reasons all. the kids are happy where they are, they don't want to change schools. the bus system isn't so reliable. i might be isolated.

it would be a fantastic house. space. fresher air. for half the price of what it costs to buy a flat here that is half the size and has no view.

WHY AM I SO UNWILLING to leave my community but i am willing to leave the country?

 

Comments

[Christy]

Ahhh...you know, I totally get this. I currently live in the west end of Ottawa and while I like it here, I could totally go somewhere else too. Like if Brandon (husband) came home tomorrow and said "Lets move to North Carolina!" I'd probably be like "Wheeee! I'll get the kids!" If he came home and said "Lets move to Arnprior!" Um...no. No and a thousand times no.

I think it's that one is a brand new adventure; totally new space new town new everything - and the other is kind of like...staying where you are but taking away the parts that you know you love. Not that you wouldn't love the other too but it's less obvious that there'd be any sort of adventure involved. Kind of like "same old" but with an additional layer of hassle because it's harder to get where you want to go?

I think the thing to remember is that there may be adventure and opportunity for growth in all of it....and even if it doesn't seem like a thing that you want there may be wisdom in considering it? I don't know. I still wouldn't want to move to Arnprior :-D.

(Also - I think I've read your blog for a ridiculously long time and never ever commented. Six years? Something? But hi! I'm Christy. Love your blog. Take care!)

[GDadLyons]

It's all in the genes. Your dear mom is ready to leave both community and country at the drop of a hat or tennis ball ( some disease called Rafffaitis) BUT she is not prepared to permanently leave the country.She and Carys should compare notes!!
Your dear dad looks at the cost of travel and has trouble leaving his house. Your got stuck somewhere in the middle.

Love to all...Dad

[Jill]

I hate dusting but I love painting a room. I think it's kind of the same thing. If you're going to make a change, make it a big one that is worth the effort.

[Tina]

Because leaving a country is totally starting over. You're leaving all that you know behind to start again. Moving to a different area doesn't really mean you've left. You still have your friends near by, but not near enough. You still have the kids school, but not near enough. You still have everything that you know, but not near enough. You're starting over, but still longing for what you had and knowing that it's near by. Where moving to a whole new country means you'll miss what you had, but it's not near enough to visit and see what you're missing.

Does this make sense? It made sense in my head and I'm not sure I'm writing it down to make sense.

[Elaine]

Moving to another country has an element of adventure and most of it's in the abstract -- schools, apartments, shopping. You think aha, I can live in Bangkok! and think of the fun of it, not necessarily the concrete details. (Or maybe you do). Whereas moving within the same country means real change and facing those issues from the start. The grass is greener with another country, and while you'll find lots of things to love, you'll also have lots of misses.

In the country where you already live, you've refined that and already know what the misses/losses will be. It's like traveling to a country you visit frequently -- the thrill may be less, but you also stick with the restaurants you know and like and the places you know and like, because you know and like them.

PS -- Am visiting Hong Kong from tomorrow for first time ever. Any good suggestions on things to do?

[gweiposter]

we lived in Pokfulam and I'd not move to clearwaterbay even if you were to give me a house rent-free there. You'll be isolated in a little expat bubble and the traffic is terrible.
I feel the same way about Stanley and Repulse bay. You're living in a good spot there in Pokfulam, enjoy it.

[Nina]

I feel the same about Italy. I would only choose to live in the little village I knew where I felt I grew up...my community. I could leave the rest of Italy behind. I would gladly jump ship to move there today if I could bring the kids with me. Your heart is in the community you have been busy building a life in, not the country or even another neighborhood. I think the only rational decision is stay where your heart is or leave entirely...makes sense to me :)

[Kristin'scoldinNWT]

Today I made French toast out of the amazing (machine) cinnamon raisin bread (reminds me of someone's air band performance in high school:-) I made the other day. Everyone loved the bread when it was fresh. Reviews after eating brunch were only mildly complimentary. I thought it was delicious, for sure, but just not as....enticing as when it was fresh.

I'm tempted to try out a new recipe on my picky-ish family of six. Lemon poppyseed BREAD.....doesn't that sound DELISH?! I'm pretty sure the smell will at least make everyone want to try it, and they'll probably love it in the end........although they sure do like that cinnamon raisin!

Me, I'm an adventurous baker/cook/eater. And as long as I'm equipped with the right ingredients and kitchen-y things, I'm good.

Hope whatever you choose from the menu is as delicious as you expect it to be!

Kristin

[Kelly]

I have also been reading your blog for ages and I don't believe I've ever commented, but I had to this time! I feel the EXACT same way and have never been able to understand why! I would NEVER move from the neighborhood I currently live in, but I would move to another state in a heartbeat. I guess it's because this (meaning this house and this neighborhood and the school we go to, etc...) is our home if we have to be in this city. I can't imagine living even 3 miles down the road! So, I don't really have an answer, but I totally understand the situation!!!

Kelly

[Lucy]

Hi Tess,
A good friend of mine recently moved suburbs - only about 10 minutes away from her home of 6 years (and only home she has ever had in Perth) .... and she has been in mourning ever since - even though the house is bigger, more suitable for their family and closer to the beach (the reason they bought it). It is hard to explain but you are not alone in feeling it! Lots of love Lucy

[Jen (Maggs)]

Tess, how I've missed you! I'm sorry I've been MIA. No time for blogging with the two girls and everything else, life, happening. Keep in touch!! XOXO Maggs

[Kathleen]

Tess, I've missed reading your blog! I hope you and your family are doing well. Please write more when you can.

[Elaine]

I've missed reading your blog too, and I just noticed that Charles's is password-protected now...dang! Have really enjoyed watching your family grow up..