Dim Sum Mum - Tess' Little Pieces

Frozen heart?

Today I took Jasper, Sela, Carys and Danielle to see Frozen. There were a bunch of us going and fortunately, I ended up besides Ursula. Which meant I didn't get hissed at when I googled things on my phone (ie: length of movie).

After the movie, I went to Rotten Tomatoes to see how the movie rated. To my SHOCK, it scored 89percent. POSITIVE!

This is a surprise to me as I did not enjoy this movie. My review: I liked the snowman and the positive message at the end, but um, nothing else really. The animation was good, but spoiled for me because the animation of the two princesses faces are 90 per cent eyes. Society scorns China for the abandoned practise of binding feet, but Disney and Pixar princess feet look fairly tiny and bound to me!

So there is a positive message for girls about love that matters and a negative message about how beauty looks.

So, wah.

It didn't make that much of an impact on any of us, although we all agreed we liked the snowman, the foil of the show.

At the end of the day, if you want to see a good Christmas movie, watch Die Hard.

I am done packing for the kids for Harbin. This makes me very happy. We are going to smell very badly after all this is done because they are taking two pairs of trousers, two thermal shirts, and a few other things. But basically, we are dressing for the cold.

I am also getting ready for Christmas day, cutting up veggies in advance as well as making Christmas eve dinner. Liza is heading off at around noon on the 24th so we are trying to get all the stuff that requires adults to be out of the house done now. Just about all the Christmas shopping is taken care of as well.

Tomorrow, a drs appointment, a Christmas exhibition, and fingers crossed, a quiet family night.

xo

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Today at 2pm we had the opportunity to do something that really captures Christmas -- we went to Union Church and made, rolled, cut out, baked, cooled then iced about 400 sugar cookies. On Christmas eve, another non profit organisation called Sons and Daughters will take these cookies and distribute them to the Wanchai's "late night workers".

The prostitutes, the mamasans, the homeless will receive these cookies, hand made, and handwrapped.

Very few of these recipients will have gifts given to them. Possibly overseas family might send something, but these are marginatlised people in Hong Kong, and there are few opportunities for them experience the feeling of accepting a free gift. Knowing that someone made it with them in mind.

The kids were happyto spend time baking, but we made sure one of the people who was organising talked to them about who the cookies were going to. Our kids wanted to help distribute, but that's not our role here. Sometimes you can silently support, and only provide.

It was a good way to spend an afternoon. Laurel the saint took Jasper, Jack, Freddie and Danielle and Sela to rugby, but Carys and Celeste stayed behind to help me clean. They scrubbed tables, helped mop the floor and learned what it like to stay until everything is back to where it was. This is also a good lesson.

I was a little disconcerted...I went and invited people expecting it to be organised, but since it was the inaugural one, I found myself in charge. I had no idea what was the right thing to do or not, but I was there making decisions, which wasn't fun for me. But it had to be done.

But thank goodness Laurel, Teresa and Lesley were there. Lesley immediately took over the kids rolling the dough she had brought, Laurel commanded the kitchen which has three ovens and keeping the cookies from getting burned, and Teresa took over the icing aspect.

I love surrounding myself with smart people - it allows me to be mediocre.

Break has broken

At noon today the children's screams almost drowned out the shrill ringing of the alarm.

Christmas break had officially begun!

Sela got a good start to the holiday by heading straight over to Danielle's house for a sleepover and playdate and goodness knows what else. She assured me they would be in bed by 6pm and I said I was sure they would.

Carys and Jasper went to Cyberport to play with friends. Carys came back asking me for a sleepover and I admit that I said no. Jasper asked the same question and got the same response. Those two are so cranky and in such need of sleep that I definitely want them to sleep in...we've got big travels coming!

And Seb could have gone to Cyberport but he instead came home and just rested. He's going through a bit of a tough time, this growing up thing is hard. No one is being mean to him, but there are things he is finding tough to understand and wants to think about. Why do people stop liking each other when one of them hasn't changed? You know, tough things like that.

And apparently, thinking is best accompanied by watching a movie. He stretched out, told me how much he loves me and then did not eat a bite of the lunch I made for him. He did smile and tell me how much he liked the quiet flat.

Who can blame him?

We are not Elf on the Shelf people.

There are several reasons for this.

1) I am afraid it would backfire. What if the kids did behave for a whole month, for no other reason than because the Elf was watching and would report back to Santa their behaviour? What happens after aforementioned Elf is gone? The behaviour would be back to hideous, there would be no reason to behave. So although I do yearn for one month of good behaviour, I would rather it be because of self regulation rather than fear of not getting a good gift. (And they'll realise Christmas Day they aren't getting a good gift).

So there is that.

2) Then there is the fact that we don't really do Santa in our house. So there's no need for an Elf if there is no belief in Santa. I want the kids to understand the financial sacrifice we lovingly make for each other when we buy gifts and why some gifts aren't so big. It doesn't make sense if Santa got BFF an i-pad and not my kids. Does Santa like them better? Were BFF's better behaved? (Probably, but let's not go there). We got them their gifts and we love shopping for them. I want them to know this and give their dad and me the credit.

3) Im not clever enough to remember to do the whole "let's think up an idea of mischief that the Elf got into today!" idea. I can barely remember to bring cookies to a class party, and the dates of the various December festivities. I certainly cannot think up and strategise cool things for the elf to do. Elf's social life cannot be higher on the list than my own.

So we are a sans elf household although I love reading what elves in other homes get up to!

Please note the above Elf does sit as an ornament in our home. He is about 45 years old and been in Charles' family since Charles was, let's say, learning to ride a bike. This little fella has a few brothers back in Toronto, too.

Bread vs bedtime

It's been a while since our family did anything charity oriented. With Christmas coming in say, a week or so, I decided we really needed to move our focus from getting to giving. From "What I hope I get" to "What hope can I give".

I did a bit of nosing around and decided to sign our family up for a Feeding Hong Kong Bread Run. Basically, I signed us up to visit eight shops in the Quarry Bay/Fortress Hill/Taikoo region. After the shops close, we have 15 minutes to get there, pick up the donated bread, count it to double check the shop's count, and head back to the car.

Quarry Bay is a great area of town. I don't spend enough time there. There were times when we arrived at the shop just as it was closing so we would wander for a few minutes along King's Road or Electric Road. Great little shops. The girls tried to spray on scent and try on shoes, while the boys hinted heavily for a snack. They asked the time, often, and were impressed at how late it was getting. Normally I am pretty strict about bedtime, yet here they were! Walking down the streets when the streetlamps were on! At 9:30 in the evening if you please!

They pleased very much.

Finally we took our haul back to Central, carried all the bags and receipts to the drop off area and were greeted by the folks that run Feeding Hong Kong. We took a family picture and we were on our way.

It's so true, that in giving you receive. We all got a lot out of tonight, and time together is precious.

Have a coke and smile...or a tear

While Magnificent can't get enough of the Westjet Christmas video, my rewatches are dedicated to the new Coke Life commercial made in Argentina.

Charles likes WestJet because "you're getting the chance to do what everyone wants to do, deep down...give others their wishes!"

I'm stuck on the Coke Life commercial not just because it is a coke product and I have strong suspicions that I have carbonated bubbles running through my veins, but because when the woman shows her husband the positive pregnancy test you wonder "Why are they doing this?" and it takes you back to "Why did we have a second child"?

(In our case a second, third, fourth, but you know what I mean).

What incredible moment of wonder when you realise that you will relive the babyhood phase...just as it seems to be ending and a light in the tunnel is emerging you're back at square one again: debating whether bathing or sleeping is more important and settling for falling asleep in the bath,  more debates over, do I want to wash the baby down or clean up the sheets" More rocking back and forth in line in the supermarket and then realising you're holding potatoes not a child.

Why did knowing all this relentless activity is ahead of you once again cause this father to scream in joy? (I loved that it could have gone either way)?

I have no better way of describing it than to say, you have this feeling that this is your time. Heck, you even promise yourself you'll be a better parent this time around.

The responsibility, the knowledge you created this new life, the madness, chaos and relentless activity you know that lies ahead...it's worth a scream of joy. This isn't going to be easy, but it's going to be great.

And for the most part, it has been!

Sorry Westjet, your ad is great but this...this is life, family. Frustrating but fulfilling.

 

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Meet Grace

I am the first to admit that I have received a great deal of grace in my life. Grace and forgiveness.

So it is possibly the extent of my hypocricy and humanity exposed when I share the problem I am having with a person. Who treads on toes and has never apologised for the damage they cause. Who, when forgiven and given a second chance, doesn't say thank you but accepts the gift as it is their due.

All this processing is good for me. That's the issue - there is no gratitude for the gift.

(not that this is about my forgiveness, its more others who have forgiven this person, or groups of people who have. despite being repeatedly let down).

When we extend a gift, any gift, whether it is flowers or forgiveness - does it matter the spirit in which our gift is received? Should that stop us from extending those same gifts again and again?

Im not trying to make parallels with God here...but it is sort of inevitable.

I have been given so much grace in my life - by God and others, why does this person's attitude rankle me so much? We are in the season of giving and I really want to give wholeheartedly, but this person does not make it easy.

Is there a certain trait in others that upsets you more than it should??

Why back?

There are a couple of reasons I resumed blogging.

The first is I really missed the processing blogging allowed me.  Charles can attest (repeatedly) of times we have fought, and I am an irrational person, and I go away, process things and come back in a much saner frame of mind. Blogging allowed for that processing.

There was the desire to reach out to mums of special needs kids, who might be worried their reactions to their children, their accomplishments, their words aren't normal, aren't right. Folks, it is an uneven playing field. Just like we can't compare our kids, we can't compare our reactions and behaviors.

Lastly, within a very short time frame, two people I am close to were diagnosed with serious illnesses.  Although neither of them are critical, I did get to thinking again. Of preservation. Would Charles want to know my thoughts, or how I really meant to react? Would the kids want to know how I thought and did on a daily basis? If so, I can do that for them.

So Im back, and it's good.

Dyspraxia

Several years ago Sebastian was diagnosed with among other things: social anxiety, dyspraxia, partial dyslexia and ADD (Inattentive).

Charles and I were extremely grateful that the school discouraged us from medicating, but supported us in whatever we chose to to. We did try Ritalin, but Seb had such a negative reaction both times that he took it that after very short stints, we removed him from the drug. I know several kids on ritalin and it works very well for them.

Maybe it is because Seb is my first born, or maybe it is because he is special needs, but he has really defined motherhood for me. I KNEW in my marrow, from the day he was born that he was not what would be defined as "normal"(whatever normal is). I knew it.

I have struggled so much to accept that the playing field is not equal with special needs children. His accomplishments are not going to be the same as other children's. I have struggled with guilt. Wanting to blame myself. Getting caught in self blame could prevent me from the hard work of working with Seb to develop coping strategies.

Right now, Seb is understanding that he is different from other children. He resents that he has learning difficulties and has to try harder to achieve something than an "able learner" would. What he needs to do is get over the self pity and get on with learning. As soon as he is passionate about something this will happen. But dyspraxics and children with ADD are known to be immature, and goodness knows, Seb is young and self conscious for his age.

We're getting there.

I can't condemn him because every day is a new step for me too. Trying to figure out effective coping strategies....all new. Understanding the balance between humouring him and getting the job done. Trying to get him to understand reality. It is such a balance and I am not adept on the fine wire.

I yearn for the day when Seb is willing to work with me instead of presenting indifference. I don't know if that will ever happen though.

I am looking at Seb in secondary school as a climb up Everest. Christmas and Summer breaks are base camp rests, where we rejuvenate and recover. And then we continue on, together.

Northern Exposure

Boxing Day, we are jumping on a plane and heading to China. For the three youngest members of the family, this will be their first time to the motherland. I am so excited about this trip. And scared about the cold of course.

We are staying at The Red Door at Mutianyu, which is right by the great wall. We have two days in Beijing, and then we are taking the TRAIN up to HARBIN. If you don't know where Harbin is, please look in an atlas while keeping in mind my distate for any temperature below zero and my lack of love for cold winds that whip through your jacket and rattle your lungs.

Harbin. Every year they have an ice festival. it is one of the greats in the world. There is an ice carving festival, the snow carving and quite a few other sights to see. Sadly, most of htem are outdoors. This is a pity because it is bound to be cold. I am trying to imagine the discomfort and have warned Charles that I will be getting one of those adult flannel onesies to keep me cosy during those cold nights. He has asked me to order him one in a masculine colour.

This is going to be a trip of a lifetime. We are thrilled. The Pheasants, Chad, Andrea, Adam, Ashleigh and Ella are coming as well. The kids are thrilled at the thought of spending the night in the train.

Adventure awaits. I can't wait.